Mother Nature Needs to Change her Drug.

I love some of the pictures that I see posted on Facebook  I am particularly interested in the effects drugs have on spiders and thanks to my Doctorate in education that I have received from Facebook U, I am full on aware of these effects.  One of my favorites is the one that shows how a common house spider will make a web after being exposed to things such as marijuana, lsd, speed and (my favorite) caffeine. 

This leads me to wonder if mother nature has found said spider's stash and has made the weather of 2013 something that we have to think about.  It has truly been a cold year so far.  We have had a sprinkling of those days where we even become unreasonably optimistic that it is going to be nice from here on out and everyone pulls out the shorts and flip flops. (Well, not me, I wear them year round.)  Only to be smacked in the face with a cold blustery day.  Today is no different.  It is colder than a ducks nuts out there to be late April and for it to be Earth Day, it is ridiculous   I remember having crazy weather but this is certainly something that makes me believe that mother nature has taken a dip in the old cocaine stash of our dear spider.

Or some such nonsense.  I wholly underestimated the cold blustery that was going on outside this morning and dared only a t-shirt.  While I recalled what it was like yesterday and know from experience that it will not drastically change overnight. I did put long sleeves on the boys and allowed Joshua his normal Hoodie, head covering, and gloves combo.  That child STAYS cold so that was nothing new for him. But I tell you the cold was biting me this morning. By the time I got to the bust stop my chin was even cold. I was all like....chatter.....chatter.....O.o.

At any rate, I guess we are going to have to make more of an effort to halfway believe what the beloved weather man says on the news every night and morning. It is the only way I certainly am not going to run into that problem again.  I tell you, cold without snow is uncalled for. What is worse, is that this kind of cold is certainly insane this time of year. I don't do cold well and am so ready for the warm to begin.  I know, you don't want to hear me screaming about the blistering heat this summer but that is what fans are for and I am so ready for warm to be here, I cannot convey it to you in this forum

So, lets all make our wishes now so that this crappy cold weather will go away. At least for a few months. 

Ballad of the Wolf Spider. (Epic) Contributed by Farva Hale.

The following was written by an epic soldier we shall name Farva.  While brave, the masses continue to raid his lands and invade his castle. Win after win keeps Sir Farva's spirits high but the incessant attacks of the Wolf Spider armies are commonplace at the Farva hold.  Below we enter at the latest battle in the field of Bath. Morespecifically the corner of the fields of Shower.  Thank you, Farva, for sharing your epic tale.....

So it begins....

Again..... they have returned.....

A tale of virtue, resolve, soaring triumph, and - like all stories that go on long enough - crushing defeat.

Our tale begins in the dense, oppressive, muggy heat of my bathroom this morning. There I am, in the shower, innocently performing my morning routines, when I see it. A small spider upon my shower curtain crawls. Intrigued, I watch this spider - this ...tiny creature - assured of its inevitable defeat for the folly of venturing into the watery grave of so many of its kind.

But no! This is no ordinary spider, my friends. This little fellow is a paragon among the spider kind, possibly a sleeper agent from clashes before. Rather than shy from the downpour, he valiantly attempts to cross the treacherous spray, Time and again rebuffed back to the relative safety of a fold in the curtain. But does he give up, does it resign himself to the sheltered cocoon? No! He struggles on, determined to complete his journey toward the source of his frustration.

Admiration fills me. It is hard to look on such courageous struggle without being moved. But the more I watch and think, the more I feel my admiration slowly becoming horror. I imagine legions of tiny spiders free from their debilitating fear of running water. To what heights might such a master race of arachnid ascend?!

It must not be! I'm sorry, but this must not be! I can not let you father a thousand thousand superior spiders, little warrior. It is my duty to all of humanity that I send you to your watery grave, just as your past clansmen, as a message to all spider kind that you will be, nay, that you must be washed out.

I fill my mouth with water and unleash a jettison above this brave creature. He slips. Falls. And to my astonishment floats. He dangles upon his silken cord, mocking my attempts to drown him. I'll not have it. Again, I unleash a torrent of water upon him, but to the same results! He mocks me as he clings desperately to that curtain, that vinyl wall. He resumes his climb.

Now my ire is the thing of legends. I will not be mocked in my own shower! Third time's the charm, as they say. This time, my rain of steaming water hits him squarely and he plummets to the slick acrylic below. Give him credit though, our intrepid friend puts all eight legs to good use! It takes three (yes, three!) waves of water created with my foot to wash him, scrambling and fighting for every inch, down the drain, but in the end, down he goes - like so many before him.

Thinking this is the end, I return to my shower, but not a minute later, what do I see? This most amazing of insect-devouring fiends emerges, seemingly unscathed, from the drain. He has climbed up the waterspout! With the WATER STILL GOING!

I'm awed. I'm humbled....but I'm terrified. Clearly my assessment of his prowess and his danger to mankind was frighteningly accurate. And yet, I'm impressed. What does one do when faced with such stalwart spirit knowing that his continued existence could one day cost you your life?

And so, with a heavy heart.....and a heavy foot, I crushed him beneath my heel. I said a prayer for his soul, and thanked God that I was there to quite literally stamp out this threat to the human experiment, as he was washed down the drain. The drain from whence his mangled, itsy-bitsy corpse will most certainly not climb up again.