Happy Juice

Once a month, our family will come together and do our big grocery shopping. This is where we get all of the things that will carry us through. Non perishables, cleaning supplies, stuff for the next few weeks, dog food. You know the one shopping trip every month that you spend hundreds of dollars and come home broke just to watch it dwindle to nothing all over again. Yea, that trip. I rather enjoy it. It is yet another time where there are no electronics and televisions and we have to interact with one another as families are supposed to do. (You would think I would be a big fan of the whole 'eat dinner at the table' movement but it is the moments like the grocery shopping that do not seem forced like watching each other shovel dinner into our pie holes. I prefer those moments over a forced moment any day. Besides, I have already asked everyone about their day long before dinner comes around. So there! Yea, I digressed, didn't I?)

Sometimes you see things in the grocery store that just make you go....OKAY!  I have seen Snookies dog snacks, Bordeaux Butt Paste, Boogies Wipes, Piddlers, and a whole host of other things that were just wrong to be named that. But this particular shopping trip, it was Cal who found something that was like YESSS!

He found Happy Juice! Let us disregard, for a moment, that it was in the alcoholic beverages section. (Don't judge, the soda and bottled water is in the same section so do not go there. No drunks in this family thank you very much. Besides, if you knew our kids, you would wonder WHY we don't have a full bar in our house anyway.) NEW THOUGHT! I will be right back, gotta check the lottery numbers.

............

Ok. Back. Typical ending to the lottery numbers. Crumpled up paper to add to the recycling pile. It never fails. Back to the Happy Juice. The off brand beer and coolers are across the back wall and the name brand beer is in a cooler on the side of the section. All of the soda, flavored water, wine, and bottled water are on the rows in the middle of the floor. As we rounded the end of the soda aisle to go to the bottled water in the next aisle, there was a woman standing there holding her buggy down. She was not interested in the goings on around her, she was just sort of standing there doing nothing. As we walked by her, she took a couple of steps and it looked like she was about to walk away. However, Cal stopped her. He walked by her  and about five steps later, he did an about face and said "Did I just see Happy Juice?"  He walked around the end of her buggy (she was about to turn into the soda aisle) and went to the corner and pulled a glass bottle off the top shelf. It was filled with something red and had a yellow top. Was a typical 24 oz glass bottle but it had an evil yellow smiley face on it. The woman actually had to stop walking because he had cut her off and she looked at him incredulously. "Look! It's Happy Juice!" he said and presented the bottle to her face. Her flabbergasted look turned into one of amusement as he walked back by her and she giggled as she walked into the soda aisle, forever forgotten (or so she thinks. It would be CRAZY if she read this! haha.) 

He brought the bottle to me and yup. It was there. "Happy Juice" Evil smiley face and it was an alcoholic beverage! Oh yea, if someone has a few of those they may certainly be happy, or happily fall down, or happily puke....whatever floats your boat. Of course, I pull out the camera. Yes please! Something to write about! I do find myself thinking, when I have an especially trying day, would Happy Juice bring the happy back? I am not one for trying a new beverage because I like my go-tos but I may take the plunge and try that one day. 

Here is Cal with the Happy Juice, I almost had to take the picture twice because he was smiling holding the bottle. Even here, you can see that he finds it as amusing as I do. Yes, we have a sick sense of humor. That is why I love my Cal! :)

What a great name for a frosty cold one huh? (Oh! Imagine what it would look like were it truly frosty and had some of that crystal ice forming on the outside of the bottle? I would hope to get the one that forms mean eyebrows on the smiley face making more fanatical. Hehehe)

What do YOU think?

Day 27: OMG! Get off my foot!

A few years ago, my sister and I were riding down the road during the busy summer season and we were stuck in traffic. Living at a resort area, you see a lot of strange things and people doing stupid stuff when the heat has melted your brain and all you can do is be outside and melt.

On this particularly scorching day, while stuck in traffic, we noted a large group of people in a parking lot of a nearby hotel. People were hanging out, drinking, talking, and just all around chilling. One car pulled into the parking lot/driveway of the motel. It had a moon roof, which was open, and some guy got out of the car. He was really tall and could easily look into the moon roof of the car like a child looking into grandmas mixing bowl during cookie making time. He got out of the car and had to of been about 6'15" (Exaggeration but you get the point.) He also had the worlds largest feet. Well, not Guinness book of world records large but they were pretty damn big.

This guy is saying hello to his friends and acknowledging every one then something happens. It was almost like in slow motion. Later on, my sister said, "You know, it was like that scene was played out just for us. **wipes away laughter tears because, even to this day, we laugh hysterically at what happened.**" Nothing could have prepared random guy or us for what happened. It was only moments but it seemed like minutes as it appeared to happen in slow motion. Mr. Tall Guy turns around. He reached into the moon roof of the car and lifted out a six pack of some frosty beverage. As soon as it was approximately Eight (8) inches above the car, the driver begins to roll the car slowly forward.

Did I tell you the guy had big feet? Correction, did I tell you he had HUGE feet? Yea. He did. No, I mean he really did! Of course, in the next few minutes, one of is feet was about to be a little longer...

The back wheel of the car rolled on top of Mr. Tall Guys foot. He felt it. He felt it in a BIG way. There were still about 4 people in the car. As soon as the car rolled onto his foot. He just wrapped himself around the car in a loving hug. He gently set the six pack down atop the car, and hugged the car. A great big tall person hug. He tapped the top of the car with his hand which was previously holding the six pack and he laid his head lovingly on the top of the car. Instantly, the inside of the car begins to flutter as everyone inside is trying to get the driver to put the car into reverse and roll back just a bit. I am not sure how long it took but the car rolled back and the guy let go of his loving embrace. Suprisingly, he was not mad and  he grabbed his beverages and walked away. The car went in the opposite direction.

From our vantage point, we sat there for a moment, jaws agape and then burst out into hysterical laughter. I don't recall noticing if anyone else around seen what happened. The ebb and flow of the busy area seemed to continue without seeing the plight of Mr. Tall Guy and his foot. I remember thinking....white car....white shoes.....not so white shoes now. Ouch. Thinking about it now, yea, that incident happened just for us to be silly girls and have something to randomly giggle at for no good reason.

I must say that laughing at someone else's pain is not a behavior that is condoned nor would I endorse doing such. However, people have wonderful reactions to things sometimes. We all know I am as graceful as they come, tripping over air, falling off the sidewalk when there is nothing to fall off of or into, bouncing my face off the window sil while jumping on the bed. (Ghosts! That's it! They be trippin!) While I may hurt when I trip over some random patch of nothingness (It was just thick there for a second!) I will appreciate that you laughed at me. Know why? Because it was probably funny as heck!  I looked like a tard, didn't I? Ayup.

We all have to take these little gifts from the invsibles and laugh. That is what life is all about. The happies.

What do YOU think?

Day 26: I just love balls! (Another WP post.)

I don’t know what YOU were thinking when you seen the title to this. Get your mind out of the gutter, dirty reader! (Or take a shower if you really ARE dirty!) This has nothing to do with what you think it does. Nor is this some cutesy doggie post where the dog is bouncing around the room playing with his toys in rapturous abandon. No, no. Something different entirely.
I am not one to take random pictures of people and post them on the interwebs, however, this one was something I could not resist. No, I am by no means putting this person in a bad light nor is it some funny thing where someone is wearing jeans that are obviously not theirs. Its not some crazy thing where they are twisted up on a contortionist ball either. Its just a dude….holding some balls. (Wow that sounds….wrong too. Ah, but no, I DIDN’T digress. Not yet.)
While at one of the kiddos basketball games last night, I happened to look across the gym and see some random guy standing by the game room. The only reason I noticed him is because only certain people stand in that area during the basketball games and he certainly had not been one to be in that area in the past. At first, he was just kinda hanging out…talking to the youth sports management staff and other people in the vicinity. Then he had a basket ball in his hand. No big deal. He was right next to the ball rack anyway. A few minutes later, I looked up and he was holding two basketballs. Hrmmm. Back to the game. Cheer….yell…cheer….yay! score!….yell.  Look at the “ball guy.” Um…He is hugging FOUR basketballs! I lean over to my Cal and tell him. “Look at that guy! He’s so happy. It’s like he is saying ‘I just love balls!'”  Now this is a win for me because my skewed view of the world and the acknowledgement of such made my Cal laugh at me. YAY! I WIN! (As the Number 7 in our life would say. Ah, but I digress. All you need to know is YESSSS!!!! I WIN!)  I did not have my phone because the real Number 7 was playing a game on it and I asked Cal to take a pic so I could write about it. He didn’t feed into that insanity. The great thing was, at that very moment, the Number 7 lost a life in his game and I told him “Lemme see that for a second..**Micaa snatches the phone leaving the game player looking at her like WTHeckles!?**   CLICK! Yes, I got my picture and here it is in all the glory of someone who loves balls as much as the ball guy. Feel the love peeps. Feel the love!

I just love balls!

Day 21: Reality Smurf Hunting

The elusive Teen Smurf lives amongst the trees in the Miles house forest. She grumpily migrates from Meadow Room to the Kitchen Watering Hole when she is in search of food. It is custom for this creature to play a game by which she bounces a sphere upon the ground and amazingly tosses it into the hoop tree. The hoop tree is outside of her natural habitat in an open meadow called Street. While Street is very dangerous, Teen Smurf takes great care not to bother other creatures visiting at the same time. Munchkins, trolls, behemoth v6 creatures and the random wheeled mice all share Street Meadow with the Teen Smurf.

Let it be known we have been observing this creature for almost seven years. When she is aware of our presence, she growls and even snaps. Similar to other curous creatures, she will, on occasion, come close and be nice. However, it never lasts long. I have only observed one such creature with these characteristics. I am certain there will not be another.

Here we see Teen Smurf observing us through the forest near the Kitchen Watering hole. Amazing.

What do YOU think?

Day 17: I am a snitch, they are after me

This appeared on my blog just yesterday. It is part 2 of my stove saga.

Enjoy!

Remember the other day I told you the stove attacked me?  Apparently I was supposed to keep my mouth shut about it. Yes, I blabbed it to the world. I told everyone the stove committed a battery and now it was soon to go to stove prison for all eternity as it is being replaced. My bad. I was soo frazzled by what it did, when it was “arrested” I failed to heed the warning and keep my mouth shut.

From inside…

It put a hit out on me.

Fast forward to today. We had to replace a TV in our daughters room because the picture would fade out for sometimes 20 minutes at a time. She had the temporary replacement for a few days. She finally got around to switching them out. I suggested to her younger brother that we take it apart.  So we take into his room and commence the dissection. Now let me blatantly digress (but not really) it did not occur to me to grab the rubber gloves before this and I am certainly glad this was a teachable moment for the whole house. (We will get to that.) We had been at it for about thirty minutes. We had the back off. Some of the connectors were off. We had a happy mess. I sent number eleven to bother Cal for something and I seen something. I said “Ooooh! What is under here?”

Without gloves, being grounded, AND with my rings on, I put two fingers and a thumb on each side of the circle and attempted to peel the circle back. (If you don’t already know…the wire was connected to a capacitor that was unplugged from electricity less than thirty minutes prior. The circle was made of rubber and whatever the hell was under that circle was connected to a cathode ray tube. A.k.a. the CRT. The CRT is a big ass light bulb in older TVs. Digression over. You have been educated.) What happened next can only be fully understood if you have done it before.

zzzzzZZZZAAAAAPPPPPFFFFF!!!! **SHRIEK!!!!!!** — INSERT ALL THIIRTEEN FORBIDDEN SPONGEBOB WORDS, LOUDLY, HERE —

That thing grabbed me and told me things. In all of point zero zero one seconds, the Television told me it was from the depths of hell and it was giving be a stern warning that the stove didn’t deserve what I had done. It was there to teach me a lesson. Courtesy of the stove.

“Ya hear? I am going to run circles through your arms so fast it will flippin hurt then your feet will go numb. You will feel my wrath for a long, long time blitch!”

And just like that. It was done.

Magically appearing stage right…every child in the house morphs into the doorway. From nowhere. I finally came back to reality and looked up at them. I expected Cal to be there too. However, in his classic style, he comes after I come to my senses to dance circles around me. :-D ” I know what you did! You should have known better!” (Of course you sing this in a childs teasing voice and only imagine it because he is more somber than that but its fun to pretend. Hehe.) No. Really he comes to the room a few minutes later after each child, one by one, goes to tell him “Mommy did something!” To which the reply is “I know but what?” He comes in, puts his hands on his hips and looks at me with that ‘look at you’ look and just shakes his head. (Ya, when I do dumb chit, all you have to do is enter the room and come to the RIGHT conclusion.)

I can say this: Lesson learned. Nah…

I sit for a second. Take this picture and ask the grumpy teenager to get me the box of rubber gloves. I was not going to let this thing get the best of me. Uh…I should have had these to start with?

Yeah. I got other things taken off but was overly cautious and quit about ten minutes after this. Lesson learned…a little bit.  Number eleven learned what NOT to do. Graphically and I  your face..sort of.

Cal later told me I needed to quit before I am the star of the next Final Destination movie. He may be right.

What do YOU think?

Day 14: Benedict Cumberbatch Called me....WHAT?

One of the best bloggers ever (in my opinion) finds some of the funniest stuff on the web. In a recent post, she shared a link to a name generator. Specifically the " http://benedictcumberbatchgenerator.tumblr.com/ " one.

I am a sucker for a good laugh and decided to give it a go. Most of the names generated were pretty silly. But then this happened:

What did THAT just call me?

**Turns and looks at her butt.**  Micaa is no blubberbutt! Tha Heck! (as the grumpy teenager would say.) As far as the rest of that, ummmm. Yea. Not gonna comment on that. Where do people find these things?  In hindsight, it was pretty funny. 

Ayup. This is a short post. Because......reasons!  Feel free to post some of the names you received from this lovely thing. We all need a good laugh sometimes. 

What do YOU think?

Day 13: YOU can die in there! The house is screaming!

I added a comment to my post yesterday. It made me think, yea, lets put that on for tomorrow! (This post a day thing is working out well so far, ask me in February and we will see. Haha! Digression first thing! Boy, I am on the ball or I just have to pee really bad. Who knows.)

You all heard the smoke alarm from the crispy bacon. It happens. Every single person who cooks on a regular basis has burnt SOMETHING in their lives. Whether intentional or you fell asleep on it, people are human and chit happens. Get over it. However, should you be a cooking goddess (or god) then maybe not. I just do not believe there is such a thing. Even the Nazi Chef on TV burnt at least one thing before he became a professional screecher. Back to the bacon.....Yes....bacon. The smoke alarm goes off. Yes, we are safety freaks here and there are about a million of them in the house and they are wired into the house so even if one goes off the ENTIRE HOUSE can be heard for miles around. (I can tell you that every single person on my street has done this too. Cal, the kiddos and I will be outside playing ball and you will HEAR it. We just look at each other and go "Well, so and so is cookin and they flucked up! Well, not the kiddos but you get it. I digress......again.)

Wow, it is taking me a hot minute to get to the point huh? Glad you are still with me. :)

So, off the kiddos and I run to fan the smoke alarms and get them to shut up. I felt that it was not moving along fast enough and I went to the door to use it to fan some of the smoke out of the house. As soon as I open the door, our elder dog shoots out to the porch and turns to look at me. I nearly smashed her with the door. I was not looking and I was like O.o....WTH!?!?  I look on the porch and she is standing about three (3) feet out looking at me.

Her eyes spoke to me.

"Hun, YOU can stay in there all you want! The house is SCREAMING! You always tell the little people that if the house screams to run outside. Well, I was first and here I am. I am NOT going to die in the screaming house. However, I have one query....WAT DAFUQ DO YOU WANT ME TO DO NOW THAT I AM OUT HERE!"

I stood there and took that in for a moment. I may even have been mesmerized. What brought me back to reality was when the smoke alarms stopped. I don't think I even waved the door after elder dog shot out to the porch. My next thought was "Where is the younger dog?"  Of course her scary tail was in the cage like WTH!!!  Eyes bulging out. I don't think she has ever heard the smoke alarms before. Ayup. She'll be the first dumb blonde to die in a scary movie. Only...she is not blonde, she is brown and even has a five o'clock shadow. Hrmmmm....

After the house stopped screaming, elder dog was like "Ok, Its all over, lemme in!" Then she continued to lay down in her spot like nothing happened.

Silly dog.

What do YOU think?