Day 25: When killing off a character

When I started writing my current book, I had no intention of killing someone off. Nor did I have the intent for it to take the turn that it has. I have found it difficult to convey the feelings and emotions my characters are experiencing but the story must come out like it has. It is not that I am having difficulty coming up with the circumstance, but I scare myself when the words begin to flow. I assume that is how it is supposed to be. If the author can invoke emotion by simply rereading and tweaking the paragraph, the first successful step has happened. Or is it something else?

I find that I have pieced this together haphazardly and can only hope that the finished product (for this part of the story at least) conveys the amount of terror and fear that I intend to convey. I am by no means a horror writer but I have found that I hate this character just as much as the character that is committing this brutal act. I am not saying the person doing the killing is right or wrong or evil or not. I will leave that for you to decide when the time comes to publish. I just scare myself sometimes. It also has become an all encompassing thing in my thoughts. I dream about it, I eat it, I breathe it, it is in the far reaches of my brain and I feel I can only get over it when it is finally on paper.

Therein lies the difficulty.

I am by no means a monster but I have created one. It bothers me. Just like seeing someone hurt someone else in real life or on a Facebook video bothers me. It keeps me awake at night and I just know if I can get this damn thing done, I will be ok. It would be different were it someone real I could base my vengeance on and do what the general public believes authors to do. You know, piss me off and I will kill you in my book. That is a terrible connection. What if the writer has always been one who writes in the horror genre? I have a hard time believing that writers like Stephen King and (in other genres) Dean Koontz or eve Louis L'amour had that many people piss them off in their lives. Come on people, be realistic (hehe, get it? Realistic in a fiction author's mind? Ah, I digress.)

This is the first time I have tried my hand at a fiction novel. I have done short stories and paragraphs before and this thing is making me sick. Not in the sense that I hate it but in the sense that if I don't get it out of me soon, I will explode! I used to wonder why people took so long to write books. Some authors will put into their forewords or introductions how long they worked at a piece. I now understand.

Just. Wow. I get it peeps. I get it. For those of you who write, what is the most difficult piece you have ever done?

What do YOU think?

Day 15: Why stifle the creativity?

This morning, I woke up to a series of stifling posts from one of my favorite blogs. "Harsh Reality" is one of the most out there and real blogs I read. That is why I enjoy reading it so much.

Apparently the host of the site wants to limit the creative and uplifting abilities of this blogger simply for trying to encourage those of us who are starting out. They reblog interesting posts, have guest bloggers, as well as provide tips and tricks to be a successful blogger. Further, they post random things that are quite interesting reads. They stifled ALL of that.

Just when I was beginning to like that particular site and was considering using them to host my own domain. Should I think again? The whole purpose of a blogging site or having your own domain is to get your stuff out there digitally. It is freedom of expression and a new avenue for writers to be heard outside of the markets they sell in. Many people are not even book writers. They flourish on the blogger "genre."

By that site stifling what this author was doing for others (including me) it has made for a bad experience and I now am questioning keeping that other blog going. I have put a lot of time into that one and I love the way it has evolved.

Stop stifling the creativity folks. There is not much left. Some of us refuse to be sheeples!

What do YOU think?

Day 14: Benedict Cumberbatch Called me....WHAT?

One of the best bloggers ever (in my opinion) finds some of the funniest stuff on the web. In a recent post, she shared a link to a name generator. Specifically the " http://benedictcumberbatchgenerator.tumblr.com/ " one.

I am a sucker for a good laugh and decided to give it a go. Most of the names generated were pretty silly. But then this happened:

What did THAT just call me?

**Turns and looks at her butt.**  Micaa is no blubberbutt! Tha Heck! (as the grumpy teenager would say.) As far as the rest of that, ummmm. Yea. Not gonna comment on that. Where do people find these things?  In hindsight, it was pretty funny. 

Ayup. This is a short post. Because......reasons!  Feel free to post some of the names you received from this lovely thing. We all need a good laugh sometimes. 

What do YOU think?

Day 11: Writers constipation.

I have been working on the latest novel for almost 2 years no. I know sometimes it takes time but I am ready to move on to the next story. I assume that is why I am hyperfocused on blogging. That is ok because it allows me to write about a variety of things and take a break from the sick and twisted minds of Jake and Anastasia. I must say that their story has taken a turn down a different road and it has evolved into something entirely different. I am sad because a lot of the stuff I jotted down in the beginning will not be used and it was pretty brilliant. (In my mind it was, anyway. Not that it would see the light of day in my lifetime.) However, I am happy because it takes the story from something mainstream to a darker topic. I have always wanted to try my hand at the (OMG! Exactly why I am writing this! I will be on a roll and then when I get to a certain point, I space out and stare at the blinking cursor for about 5 minutes. You know, sort of like walking into a room and trying in vain to understand why in the HELL you came in there to start with! I JUST did that chit. RIGHT NOW!  Ah, I digress....I remember now.  Haha, Yes, my brain walked back to where it came from and figured it out, we walk back into that room for the thing.) darker aspect of the human way of thinking and I believe this is the way it is going now. Ya, I know, Not giving you much am I?

Right now, the few things that people know about this writing is that the main characters are Jake and Anastasia, I am currently writing about killing someone off, AND I believe I have my book cover. I have some tweaking to do on the cover but when it is done, I think the daughter will kill me. Ironic huh?

I am at an impasse at the moment. Not that my family knows the habit yet, but when I am carrying around whatever it is I am writing my current story on nearly everywhere. There is something that needs to be written but it is..stuck. Sort of like being constipates. Only, for a writer, it hurts much more than the physical discomforts of not being able to take a crap. I take my writing pad into every single room in the event that inspiration strikes or I get that moment of....freeflowingthoughtwhichmy writinginstrumentcannotkeepupwith.  It has yet to happen. I cannot sleep right, (right....not well...different things here) I cannot eat without thinking about how to put it into words and I cannot do anything without that blue tablet calling to me. Its almost obsessive.

So here I sit. Waiting. Waiting for the plumbing to get backed up so I can get it all out and Oh. My. Gawd. Will it feel good. This book has been a long time coming and I have promised a 2015 publish date since I did not put one out last year. I hope this is one that will be liked and I hope to overcome a lot of the errors I made with my first book. For now, the tablet sits upon my desk taunting me. Asking me to add the....OOPS! I almost gave it away! BAD Micaa!

Until then, what kinds of things do you do to relieve the writers constipation (or for those of you politically correct lovelies-writers block.?)

What do YOU think?

Day 4: I am water and rain makes me sad

I have been doing reading on elements. I find it fascinating. I used to think that earth or fire was MY element but in the research I have been doing I discover that I may be wrong. The more I read, the more I find that I have a great deal in common with the element of water.

Even when I read outside of pure element research, I find that the things related to me revolve around water. For example, this morning I was reading the "native american zodiac" (for lack of a better description, it fails me to remember what it was and I am too lazy to go look. Ya, I digress. I am supposed to!) The animal that was related to my birth time was the salmon. Nice, a water animal. Other things that are too many to mention lead me in the same direction. Water water water.

Today, it is raining where I live. Rainy days always bum me out. I have also noted that, sometimes, I can pinpoint precisely WHY I am sad in the first place. Those reasons have nothing to do with the elements but they DO revolve around rainy days for some reason. This makes me mad...sort of. If it were not to rain would I ever be sad? What possibly is happening that my sad days happen to be on a rainy day?  Here is where we insert the analogies. Rain drops are shaped like tears. Some children are told that when it rains the angels cry. Crying is a way to wash off the old stuff and make things anew. Yea, I am aware of that. That is not the point of this post.

I guess I am just sad today and today it is raining and water is my element. Enough said.

Yes, this post is short but other than nonsensical ramblings, due to my current mood, I have nothing more for today.

What do YOU think?

Day 1 of 365

I sort of fizzled on the NaNoWriMo challenge. I now have made it my challenge (NOT resolution. Resolutions are destined to fail) to write a page a day. Initially, it was going to be a book but nah, I will just blog myself to death. I rather enjoy it and who knows, maybe I will amass followers who actually read this stuff.

I have no silliness or awkward view on things this morning so I will just let the thoughts flow through my fingers until I think I have written enough. I am going to start with asking your opinion. What do you think if I were to take some of my favorite posts and make them into a book? It is mainly for people like my mother who never access the internet. Heck, she does good operating the VCR and call waiting. I think that is about as far as she WANTS to go. She has had the interwebs in the past and has even had a cell phone or two but they are just not her thing, I guess. I know maybe she will laugh at some of my insights and roll her eyes at the others. I am positive there are even some she will just scratch her head and go "WHA???"  That is the point. If I can elicit that type of response out of some of my readers, then I have succeeded.

I have discovered that its not about numbers when you blog. Its about putting your writing out there and keep putting it out there. Who cares if you have 50 or a million followers. (Well yea, a million followers would be great but you have to EARN that.) I have learned to accept that my time will come. Some people do not get their yearned for recognition until they are worm chow. If my stuff gets out there now or when my grand children are grown, as long as it has made it to someone to read and enjoy, that is the point. So yea, maybe one day I will have enough to collate my posts into a book and send it to my mother as a gift. Yes, I will put it out there for sale because anyone could use a buck or two but it will be just for her. I am sure she will appreciate that. (Of course any mother would appreciate something hand made by her kid. Yes, it is hand made because I wrote the ENTIRE thing.) Maybe I will put a picture of her in it and write a snippet or two about her as well. Who knows. I just know it is something I have been seriously considering over the past few days and I know that she will at least read it. She IS a reader, after all.

Ok, I think I am out of this topic. Pen down, turn your booklets in folks.

What do YOU think?