When I started writing my current book, I had no intention of killing someone off. Nor did I have the intent for it to take the turn that it has. I have found it difficult to convey the feelings and emotions my characters are experiencing but the story must come out like it has. It is not that I am having difficulty coming up with the circumstance, but I scare myself when the words begin to flow. I assume that is how it is supposed to be. If the author can invoke emotion by simply rereading and tweaking the paragraph, the first successful step has happened. Or is it something else?
I find that I have pieced this together haphazardly and can only hope that the finished product (for this part of the story at least) conveys the amount of terror and fear that I intend to convey. I am by no means a horror writer but I have found that I hate this character just as much as the character that is committing this brutal act. I am not saying the person doing the killing is right or wrong or evil or not. I will leave that for you to decide when the time comes to publish. I just scare myself sometimes. It also has become an all encompassing thing in my thoughts. I dream about it, I eat it, I breathe it, it is in the far reaches of my brain and I feel I can only get over it when it is finally on paper.
Therein lies the difficulty.
I am by no means a monster but I have created one. It bothers me. Just like seeing someone hurt someone else in real life or on a Facebook video bothers me. It keeps me awake at night and I just know if I can get this damn thing done, I will be ok. It would be different were it someone real I could base my vengeance on and do what the general public believes authors to do. You know, piss me off and I will kill you in my book. That is a terrible connection. What if the writer has always been one who writes in the horror genre? I have a hard time believing that writers like Stephen King and (in other genres) Dean Koontz or eve Louis L'amour had that many people piss them off in their lives. Come on people, be realistic (hehe, get it? Realistic in a fiction author's mind? Ah, I digress.)
This is the first time I have tried my hand at a fiction novel. I have done short stories and paragraphs before and this thing is making me sick. Not in the sense that I hate it but in the sense that if I don't get it out of me soon, I will explode! I used to wonder why people took so long to write books. Some authors will put into their forewords or introductions how long they worked at a piece. I now understand.
Just. Wow. I get it peeps. I get it. For those of you who write, what is the most difficult piece you have ever done?
What do YOU think?
Reader suggested posts. Other blogs I write and prompts from my readers.
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Day 15: Why stifle the creativity?
This morning, I woke up to a series of stifling posts from one of my favorite blogs. "Harsh Reality" is one of the most out there and real blogs I read. That is why I enjoy reading it so much.
Apparently the host of the site wants to limit the creative and uplifting abilities of this blogger simply for trying to encourage those of us who are starting out. They reblog interesting posts, have guest bloggers, as well as provide tips and tricks to be a successful blogger. Further, they post random things that are quite interesting reads. They stifled ALL of that.
Just when I was beginning to like that particular site and was considering using them to host my own domain. Should I think again? The whole purpose of a blogging site or having your own domain is to get your stuff out there digitally. It is freedom of expression and a new avenue for writers to be heard outside of the markets they sell in. Many people are not even book writers. They flourish on the blogger "genre."
By that site stifling what this author was doing for others (including me) it has made for a bad experience and I now am questioning keeping that other blog going. I have put a lot of time into that one and I love the way it has evolved.
Stop stifling the creativity folks. There is not much left. Some of us refuse to be sheeples!
What do YOU think?
Apparently the host of the site wants to limit the creative and uplifting abilities of this blogger simply for trying to encourage those of us who are starting out. They reblog interesting posts, have guest bloggers, as well as provide tips and tricks to be a successful blogger. Further, they post random things that are quite interesting reads. They stifled ALL of that.
Just when I was beginning to like that particular site and was considering using them to host my own domain. Should I think again? The whole purpose of a blogging site or having your own domain is to get your stuff out there digitally. It is freedom of expression and a new avenue for writers to be heard outside of the markets they sell in. Many people are not even book writers. They flourish on the blogger "genre."
By that site stifling what this author was doing for others (including me) it has made for a bad experience and I now am questioning keeping that other blog going. I have put a lot of time into that one and I love the way it has evolved.
Stop stifling the creativity folks. There is not much left. Some of us refuse to be sheeples!
What do YOU think?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Day 14: Benedict Cumberbatch Called me....WHAT?
One of the best bloggers ever (in my opinion) finds some of the funniest stuff on the web. In a recent post, she shared a link to a name generator. Specifically the " http://benedictcumberbatchgenerator.tumblr.com/ " one.
I am a sucker for a good laugh and decided to give it a go. Most of the names generated were pretty silly. But then this happened:
I am a sucker for a good laugh and decided to give it a go. Most of the names generated were pretty silly. But then this happened:
What did THAT just call me?
**Turns and looks at her butt.** Micaa is no blubberbutt! Tha Heck! (as the grumpy teenager would say.) As far as the rest of that, ummmm. Yea. Not gonna comment on that. Where do people find these things? In hindsight, it was pretty funny.
Ayup. This is a short post. Because......reasons! Feel free to post some of the names you received from this lovely thing. We all need a good laugh sometimes.
What do YOU think?
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Day 11: Writers constipation.
I have been working on the latest novel for almost 2 years no. I know sometimes it takes time but I am ready to move on to the next story. I assume that is why I am hyperfocused on blogging. That is ok because it allows me to write about a variety of things and take a break from the sick and twisted minds of Jake and Anastasia. I must say that their story has taken a turn down a different road and it has evolved into something entirely different. I am sad because a lot of the stuff I jotted down in the beginning will not be used and it was pretty brilliant. (In my mind it was, anyway. Not that it would see the light of day in my lifetime.) However, I am happy because it takes the story from something mainstream to a darker topic. I have always wanted to try my hand at the (OMG! Exactly why I am writing this! I will be on a roll and then when I get to a certain point, I space out and stare at the blinking cursor for about 5 minutes. You know, sort of like walking into a room and trying in vain to understand why in the HELL you came in there to start with! I JUST did that chit. RIGHT NOW! Ah, I digress....I remember now. Haha, Yes, my brain walked back to where it came from and figured it out, we walk back into that room for the thing.) darker aspect of the human way of thinking and I believe this is the way it is going now. Ya, I know, Not giving you much am I?
Right now, the few things that people know about this writing is that the main characters are Jake and Anastasia, I am currently writing about killing someone off, AND I believe I have my book cover. I have some tweaking to do on the cover but when it is done, I think the daughter will kill me. Ironic huh?
I am at an impasse at the moment. Not that my family knows the habit yet, but when I am carrying around whatever it is I am writing my current story on nearly everywhere. There is something that needs to be written but it is..stuck. Sort of like being constipates. Only, for a writer, it hurts much more than the physical discomforts of not being able to take a crap. I take my writing pad into every single room in the event that inspiration strikes or I get that moment of....freeflowingthoughtwhichmy writinginstrumentcannotkeepupwith. It has yet to happen. I cannot sleep right, (right....not well...different things here) I cannot eat without thinking about how to put it into words and I cannot do anything without that blue tablet calling to me. Its almost obsessive.
So here I sit. Waiting. Waiting for the plumbing to get backed up so I can get it all out and Oh. My. Gawd. Will it feel good. This book has been a long time coming and I have promised a 2015 publish date since I did not put one out last year. I hope this is one that will be liked and I hope to overcome a lot of the errors I made with my first book. For now, the tablet sits upon my desk taunting me. Asking me to add the....OOPS! I almost gave it away! BAD Micaa!
Until then, what kinds of things do you do to relieve the writers constipation (or for those of you politically correct lovelies-writers block.?)
What do YOU think?
Right now, the few things that people know about this writing is that the main characters are Jake and Anastasia, I am currently writing about killing someone off, AND I believe I have my book cover. I have some tweaking to do on the cover but when it is done, I think the daughter will kill me. Ironic huh?
I am at an impasse at the moment. Not that my family knows the habit yet, but when I am carrying around whatever it is I am writing my current story on nearly everywhere. There is something that needs to be written but it is..stuck. Sort of like being constipates. Only, for a writer, it hurts much more than the physical discomforts of not being able to take a crap. I take my writing pad into every single room in the event that inspiration strikes or I get that moment of....freeflowingthoughtwhichmy writinginstrumentcannotkeepupwith. It has yet to happen. I cannot sleep right, (right....not well...different things here) I cannot eat without thinking about how to put it into words and I cannot do anything without that blue tablet calling to me. Its almost obsessive.
So here I sit. Waiting. Waiting for the plumbing to get backed up so I can get it all out and Oh. My. Gawd. Will it feel good. This book has been a long time coming and I have promised a 2015 publish date since I did not put one out last year. I hope this is one that will be liked and I hope to overcome a lot of the errors I made with my first book. For now, the tablet sits upon my desk taunting me. Asking me to add the....OOPS! I almost gave it away! BAD Micaa!
Until then, what kinds of things do you do to relieve the writers constipation (or for those of you politically correct lovelies-writers block.?)
What do YOU think?
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Day 4: I am water and rain makes me sad
I have been doing reading on elements. I find it fascinating. I used to think that earth or fire was MY element but in the research I have been doing I discover that I may be wrong. The more I read, the more I find that I have a great deal in common with the element of water.
Even when I read outside of pure element research, I find that the things related to me revolve around water. For example, this morning I was reading the "native american zodiac" (for lack of a better description, it fails me to remember what it was and I am too lazy to go look. Ya, I digress. I am supposed to!) The animal that was related to my birth time was the salmon. Nice, a water animal. Other things that are too many to mention lead me in the same direction. Water water water.
Today, it is raining where I live. Rainy days always bum me out. I have also noted that, sometimes, I can pinpoint precisely WHY I am sad in the first place. Those reasons have nothing to do with the elements but they DO revolve around rainy days for some reason. This makes me mad...sort of. If it were not to rain would I ever be sad? What possibly is happening that my sad days happen to be on a rainy day? Here is where we insert the analogies. Rain drops are shaped like tears. Some children are told that when it rains the angels cry. Crying is a way to wash off the old stuff and make things anew. Yea, I am aware of that. That is not the point of this post.
I guess I am just sad today and today it is raining and water is my element. Enough said.
Yes, this post is short but other than nonsensical ramblings, due to my current mood, I have nothing more for today.
What do YOU think?
Even when I read outside of pure element research, I find that the things related to me revolve around water. For example, this morning I was reading the "native american zodiac" (for lack of a better description, it fails me to remember what it was and I am too lazy to go look. Ya, I digress. I am supposed to!) The animal that was related to my birth time was the salmon. Nice, a water animal. Other things that are too many to mention lead me in the same direction. Water water water.
Today, it is raining where I live. Rainy days always bum me out. I have also noted that, sometimes, I can pinpoint precisely WHY I am sad in the first place. Those reasons have nothing to do with the elements but they DO revolve around rainy days for some reason. This makes me mad...sort of. If it were not to rain would I ever be sad? What possibly is happening that my sad days happen to be on a rainy day? Here is where we insert the analogies. Rain drops are shaped like tears. Some children are told that when it rains the angels cry. Crying is a way to wash off the old stuff and make things anew. Yea, I am aware of that. That is not the point of this post.
I guess I am just sad today and today it is raining and water is my element. Enough said.
Yes, this post is short but other than nonsensical ramblings, due to my current mood, I have nothing more for today.
What do YOU think?
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Day 3: Quarter machine bouncy balls in my brain and I went to work
I went to work yesterday and it was Friday, my day off. I get one day off a week and you would think I would take great care to avoid the office when I don't have to be there. For those of you who DON'T know what I do for a living. This may seem laughable.
She gets up, gets dressed, eats breakfast and has coffee. She gets in the car, drives ALL the way to work, sits down, turns on her computer to start her day. THEN she stares mouth agape at her computer screen realizing she could have slept in and avoided the whole work place thing. You had ONE job girl, to enjoy the day off and you flubbed it up. However that is nothing like how it actually went down.
Background! I work from home. I have done so for many, many years. I have a very small hallway from the bedroom to the office which encompasses about five steps or ten shuffles. There is also access to the bathroom in said hallway and that is why I sometimes say "navigated the hallway traffic." Ya, that is supposed to be funny. Though, I think I have used that so often that I don't find it as hilarious as the first time I said it. (TINY digression there. Hehehe.) Any way, this is more of how it went:
I woke up, brushed my teeth, got dressed, made coffee, navigated the traffic in the hallway, sat down at my desk and started to get my workspace up and running. As I navigate my way to the support chat that I have to utilize, I announced to the fellow employees the following important message:
She gets up, gets dressed, eats breakfast and has coffee. She gets in the car, drives ALL the way to work, sits down, turns on her computer to start her day. THEN she stares mouth agape at her computer screen realizing she could have slept in and avoided the whole work place thing. You had ONE job girl, to enjoy the day off and you flubbed it up. However that is nothing like how it actually went down.
Background! I work from home. I have done so for many, many years. I have a very small hallway from the bedroom to the office which encompasses about five steps or ten shuffles. There is also access to the bathroom in said hallway and that is why I sometimes say "navigated the hallway traffic." Ya, that is supposed to be funny. Though, I think I have used that so often that I don't find it as hilarious as the first time I said it. (TINY digression there. Hehehe.) Any way, this is more of how it went:
I woke up, brushed my teeth, got dressed, made coffee, navigated the traffic in the hallway, sat down at my desk and started to get my workspace up and running. As I navigate my way to the support chat that I have to utilize, I announced to the fellow employees the following important message:
Morning..........DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST DID? I AM SUPPOSED TO BE OFF TODAY!!! WTFLIP! GOOD BYE! **Michele has left the support chat.
I was so mortified that I was at a loss for what to do next. So I wrote. All of my blogs got something yesterday. I know on one of them I already told this story and if it was this one, I apologize, however this is going somewhere I promise. I even had the intention to study and that would have been great had I actually did it but all that writing made me tired and I ended up sleeping the day away anyway. (Except for the part where Cal's best friend came home after five years and I was rudely awakened by him to get up and watch him hop like a rabbit down the driveway to greet his friend. I needed the air so I was ok with that. ACK! Digression again! You are all in for it today!) Now we turn down the road I wanted to talk about in the first place. You know me, back story and all.
The compulsion to write struck me in the head like a baseball bat. Every little thing I did was followed with a voice in my head going "Hey, that would be a great post! Whip out the phone and write it RIGHT NOW cuz you got time and its your day off!" That is all good but I usually stew on a post for a day or so because I have to think about exactly how to word it. Sometimes I will fork it out right there but it falls short of my own expectations and I am never satisfied. The ones that I think about for at least 24 hours are the best ones to me because I have had time to contemplate the course of action. Still, I only fork out my posts in one sitting because that is how I believe a blog should work. (Warning: I DO have a post coming that I have been a week working at. It is a serious post and nothing like this. Probably why it is taking so long.) I know, not everyone blogs like that but this is just me. So, yea, the voice. While they were all great ideas, it made me tired. I never realized the creative process could whoop you azz like that. Of course, I never had an over burst of creativity like that either. No wonder artists and writers are sooo....different when they are about their craft. I have to learn to use this to my advantage. However, I do not do sleepy tired well. My Cal will tell you I can fall asleep within seconds of laying down. Once I am sleeping, that is it. TKO. Game Over.
I wish there were a way I could sit down, get it all out and NOT be tired when I am done. It makes me tired because when there is more than one story in there (and there always is, I am trying in vain to finish this book that's not on paper yet,) it feels like those quarter machine bouncy balls just recklessly bouncing around inside my brain cavity. It just turns everything in there to mush. I have to sleep that tired off and while I am asleep, I imagine my body is un mushing my brain and making it whole again. Once I am whole, I wake up. I must say that when I wake from that kind of sleep it is a deep, hard sleep. I assume its because it takes a lot of work to un-mush a brain huh?
Until then, when I have days like that, steer clear because I am having an 'artist' or 'writers' moment.
Horrible, horrible feeling.
What do YOU think?
Friday, January 2, 2015
Day 2: The bottom of the bottle is never happy.
I have had a hankering for a tomato and cheese sandwich. I have even tried struggle casserole. You know...noodles, ranch dressing, cheese, and diced tomatoes. Yet...its just not the same.
Yay! For the bread store! Got my bread, a shiny new tomato, my favorite cheese, ranch dressing and seasonings. Omnomnom. Licking my fingers as I type. (Ewwww. Sticky keyboard. Maybe writing about food is not what I need to do.) I digress.
Now I am pretty OCD about things. I like to ssswwwwiiirrrllll my ranch dressing on the sandwich. When I get to the bottom of the bottle, its never happy. While I may get the right amount on the bread, it still does not taste the same. Thank goodness I made two sandwiches today or it just wouldnt be right.
Here is a visual of my conundrum
You know which one I saved for last.
What do YOU think?
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Day 1 of 365
I sort of fizzled on the NaNoWriMo challenge. I now have made it my challenge (NOT resolution. Resolutions are destined to fail) to write a page a day. Initially, it was going to be a book but nah, I will just blog myself to death. I rather enjoy it and who knows, maybe I will amass followers who actually read this stuff.
I have no silliness or awkward view on things this morning so I will just let the thoughts flow through my fingers until I think I have written enough. I am going to start with asking your opinion. What do you think if I were to take some of my favorite posts and make them into a book? It is mainly for people like my mother who never access the internet. Heck, she does good operating the VCR and call waiting. I think that is about as far as she WANTS to go. She has had the interwebs in the past and has even had a cell phone or two but they are just not her thing, I guess. I know maybe she will laugh at some of my insights and roll her eyes at the others. I am positive there are even some she will just scratch her head and go "WHA???" That is the point. If I can elicit that type of response out of some of my readers, then I have succeeded.
I have discovered that its not about numbers when you blog. Its about putting your writing out there and keep putting it out there. Who cares if you have 50 or a million followers. (Well yea, a million followers would be great but you have to EARN that.) I have learned to accept that my time will come. Some people do not get their yearned for recognition until they are worm chow. If my stuff gets out there now or when my grand children are grown, as long as it has made it to someone to read and enjoy, that is the point. So yea, maybe one day I will have enough to collate my posts into a book and send it to my mother as a gift. Yes, I will put it out there for sale because anyone could use a buck or two but it will be just for her. I am sure she will appreciate that. (Of course any mother would appreciate something hand made by her kid. Yes, it is hand made because I wrote the ENTIRE thing.) Maybe I will put a picture of her in it and write a snippet or two about her as well. Who knows. I just know it is something I have been seriously considering over the past few days and I know that she will at least read it. She IS a reader, after all.
Ok, I think I am out of this topic. Pen down, turn your booklets in folks.
What do YOU think?
I have no silliness or awkward view on things this morning so I will just let the thoughts flow through my fingers until I think I have written enough. I am going to start with asking your opinion. What do you think if I were to take some of my favorite posts and make them into a book? It is mainly for people like my mother who never access the internet. Heck, she does good operating the VCR and call waiting. I think that is about as far as she WANTS to go. She has had the interwebs in the past and has even had a cell phone or two but they are just not her thing, I guess. I know maybe she will laugh at some of my insights and roll her eyes at the others. I am positive there are even some she will just scratch her head and go "WHA???" That is the point. If I can elicit that type of response out of some of my readers, then I have succeeded.
I have discovered that its not about numbers when you blog. Its about putting your writing out there and keep putting it out there. Who cares if you have 50 or a million followers. (Well yea, a million followers would be great but you have to EARN that.) I have learned to accept that my time will come. Some people do not get their yearned for recognition until they are worm chow. If my stuff gets out there now or when my grand children are grown, as long as it has made it to someone to read and enjoy, that is the point. So yea, maybe one day I will have enough to collate my posts into a book and send it to my mother as a gift. Yes, I will put it out there for sale because anyone could use a buck or two but it will be just for her. I am sure she will appreciate that. (Of course any mother would appreciate something hand made by her kid. Yes, it is hand made because I wrote the ENTIRE thing.) Maybe I will put a picture of her in it and write a snippet or two about her as well. Who knows. I just know it is something I have been seriously considering over the past few days and I know that she will at least read it. She IS a reader, after all.
Ok, I think I am out of this topic. Pen down, turn your booklets in folks.
What do YOU think?
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Will there ever be a reprieve?
This is my attempt to get some variety between my channels. Most of the time, I will just copy and paste a post from WordPress to Blogger to author page. This morning, it just hit me to try something different. Besides, the more I write, the less "inflated" I feel. I am finding this post to be a little more difficult as there is usually a thought process involved before I actually sit down and write something.
This one, in the attempt to be different, is just random chit floating through my head and was intended to be a thing about money and morphed into something else just after I wrote the title. I know, I should always write the content then find a fitting title. Some say it's easier but you know me and shock value. While it is not shocking to anyone else, it is still a writer's eccentric habit and that is shocking to other writers.
I have always written or kept a journal since I was a kid. While my writing has evolved and life circumstances dictate that I write differently, the need is the same. Its like breathing. A writer is not healthy without writing SOMETHING. For me, there are things that I come across during the day that I think "that would be awesome to put out there with my skewed line of thinking." Others never see the light of day either because I forget or it is just not there anymore by the time I get near my computer. Yea, I need to get a laptop again. I avoid my office like the plague when I am not working. Too bad I don't make enough to work ONLY on my writing. I am certain there would be a lot more accomplished there. But that is the digression here and yes, a topic for another day.
The reprieve I am asking for here is because, sometimes, my fingers just are too tired from working or writing other things to type out what I have bouncing around in my head. You see, it starts off as a random thought floating into the room. That thought begins to replicate itself and then bounce around in my head until it is all encompassing and I have to "get it out."
This one, in the attempt to be different, is just random chit floating through my head and was intended to be a thing about money and morphed into something else just after I wrote the title. I know, I should always write the content then find a fitting title. Some say it's easier but you know me and shock value. While it is not shocking to anyone else, it is still a writer's eccentric habit and that is shocking to other writers.
I have always written or kept a journal since I was a kid. While my writing has evolved and life circumstances dictate that I write differently, the need is the same. Its like breathing. A writer is not healthy without writing SOMETHING. For me, there are things that I come across during the day that I think "that would be awesome to put out there with my skewed line of thinking." Others never see the light of day either because I forget or it is just not there anymore by the time I get near my computer. Yea, I need to get a laptop again. I avoid my office like the plague when I am not working. Too bad I don't make enough to work ONLY on my writing. I am certain there would be a lot more accomplished there. But that is the digression here and yes, a topic for another day.
The reprieve I am asking for here is because, sometimes, my fingers just are too tired from working or writing other things to type out what I have bouncing around in my head. You see, it starts off as a random thought floating into the room. That thought begins to replicate itself and then bounce around in my head until it is all encompassing and I have to "get it out."
This is why a writer HAS to write. My curiosity is this: How much CAN a writer write before they are satisfied that they are done? Even if only for one day. I write and get my quarter machine bouncy balls out of my brain. However, once the room is clear...here comes another. Is there a way to shut the door they happily bounce from? If there is, do I WANT to have that door shut?
THAT, my friends, I do not have the answer to.
What do YOU think?
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Leadership Posting number 1
I write several blogs among other things. I like to think that I am right up there with my favorite author Stephen King, with the fifty or so pages every day. I am published and am currently working on book number 2. I write for here and WordPress. I write letters to my children (for their own stories) all the time and I have a paper due for Doctorate studies each week. I have social media as well. Finally, I have a blog for work that I have started over the past year.
The following is a new feature in my work blog. Leadership posts. It is based upon the idea that good leaders have specific traits and I want to share these traits with people. Even if the reader is not interested in being a leader and wants to remain amongst the sheeple, that is ok. This will still help make you a better human being. Certainly true if you deal with the public at all.
Here it is:
One of the most redeeming qualities I have found in the leaders that have the most effective teams is that the know how to listen and can listen well. This is something that can roll over into making a customer happy. Sometimes an angry customer just wants to vent and it is most effective at someone who will LISTEN. While you do not have to agree with them, a great deal of supervisor calls are resolved by just listening to the frustrations of the customer. Their issue may not get any further than what the agent has already done, but the listening part is key to get them to calm down most of the time.
(Back story because I always have one....I came across the below information cleaning out my briefcase that I found in the attic last night. For those of you who don't know me, I was a paralegal and have a PhD in Law. Yes, I like to argue. That is why I had this paper in my briefcase because listening was something that was vital when it came to flushing out the real issues in the legal field.) While I scanned it and posted a pic of the document below, I will write it out for you so that you can read it clearly as some of it is fuzzy. Yes, there is a spill. Disregard that, stupid attic weather....
HOW TO BECOME A BETTER LISTENER
1. STOP TALKING: You can't listen while you are talking.
2. ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME: Don't try to engage in two conversations at once. You may hear two people at one time, but you can't effectively listen to two conversations at once.
3. EMPATHIZE WITH THE PERSON SPEAKING: Try to put yourself in their place so that you can see what the speaker is trying to get at...YES, this is not as easy as it sounds but a restatement of what you've heard or an appropriate question will often uncover areas of miscommuncation.
4. ASK QUESTIONS: That's right, we did just mention asking questions. But it's so important it bears restating. When you don't understand or when you need further clarification, ask questions. Don't ask questions that are a form of a statement about how smart you are on a subject. If you have information to offer, make a statement.
5. DON'T INTERRUPT: Don't interrupt when someone else is speaking. Give the speaker time to say what they have to say. THEN, and not before, ask you questions or take issue with what the speaker has said. MIND HOW YOU TAKE ISSUE WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S STATEMENTS.
6. SHOW INTEREST: Look at the speaker - Their face, mouth, eyes, and hands. All these things will help the speaker communicate with you, and this effort will help you concentrate. Eye contact is significant.
7. CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS BEING SAID: Actively focus your attention on the speaker's words, ideas, and feelings related to the subject. If you are in doubt as to the subject, a question is in order.
8. DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS: When you do, you tune yourself out from the rest of what the speaker has to say. You may tend to think to yourself, "Hurry up and finish because I've got your point." or by rudely interrupting and saying, "Yes, yes. I know what you mean. What else is new?" By doing either, you run the risk of misunderstanding the entire conversation because of a premature conclusion you drew. Yes, there are some people who drone on and on. At the appropriate break or pause, ask if you've got the gist or point by summarizing what you've heard. This is a polite way to test the point.
9. CONTROL YOUR ANGER: Try not to get angry with what they are saying. Your anger will most likely prevent you from understanding what is really being said. Plus, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS!
10. REACT TO IDEAS, NOT TO THE SPEAKER: Don't allow your reactions to the speaker to influence your interpretation of what is being said. Their ideas may be good even if you don't like them as a person or like the way the look or speak or move.
11. LISTEN FOR WHAT IS NOT SAID: Sometimes you can learn just as much by determining what the other person leaves out or avoids saying as you can by listening to what is actually being said. Pay attention to how it is being said, also.
12. SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMUNICATION: Only part of the responsibility for effective communication rest with the speaker. You as the listener, have an obligation to actively listen to what is being communicated and ask questions when you do not understand.
If you make note of the above tips and put them into action, your are on your way to becoming an effective leader. Even if leadership is not in your future, it still goes a long way to use some of these to listen to our customers. After all. They ARE the reason we are here!
What do YOU think?
The following is a new feature in my work blog. Leadership posts. It is based upon the idea that good leaders have specific traits and I want to share these traits with people. Even if the reader is not interested in being a leader and wants to remain amongst the sheeple, that is ok. This will still help make you a better human being. Certainly true if you deal with the public at all.
Here it is:
One of the most redeeming qualities I have found in the leaders that have the most effective teams is that the know how to listen and can listen well. This is something that can roll over into making a customer happy. Sometimes an angry customer just wants to vent and it is most effective at someone who will LISTEN. While you do not have to agree with them, a great deal of supervisor calls are resolved by just listening to the frustrations of the customer. Their issue may not get any further than what the agent has already done, but the listening part is key to get them to calm down most of the time.
(Back story because I always have one....I came across the below information cleaning out my briefcase that I found in the attic last night. For those of you who don't know me, I was a paralegal and have a PhD in Law. Yes, I like to argue. That is why I had this paper in my briefcase because listening was something that was vital when it came to flushing out the real issues in the legal field.) While I scanned it and posted a pic of the document below, I will write it out for you so that you can read it clearly as some of it is fuzzy. Yes, there is a spill. Disregard that, stupid attic weather....
HOW TO BECOME A BETTER LISTENER
1. STOP TALKING: You can't listen while you are talking.
2. ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME: Don't try to engage in two conversations at once. You may hear two people at one time, but you can't effectively listen to two conversations at once.
3. EMPATHIZE WITH THE PERSON SPEAKING: Try to put yourself in their place so that you can see what the speaker is trying to get at...YES, this is not as easy as it sounds but a restatement of what you've heard or an appropriate question will often uncover areas of miscommuncation.
4. ASK QUESTIONS: That's right, we did just mention asking questions. But it's so important it bears restating. When you don't understand or when you need further clarification, ask questions. Don't ask questions that are a form of a statement about how smart you are on a subject. If you have information to offer, make a statement.
5. DON'T INTERRUPT: Don't interrupt when someone else is speaking. Give the speaker time to say what they have to say. THEN, and not before, ask you questions or take issue with what the speaker has said. MIND HOW YOU TAKE ISSUE WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S STATEMENTS.
6. SHOW INTEREST: Look at the speaker - Their face, mouth, eyes, and hands. All these things will help the speaker communicate with you, and this effort will help you concentrate. Eye contact is significant.
7. CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS BEING SAID: Actively focus your attention on the speaker's words, ideas, and feelings related to the subject. If you are in doubt as to the subject, a question is in order.
8. DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS: When you do, you tune yourself out from the rest of what the speaker has to say. You may tend to think to yourself, "Hurry up and finish because I've got your point." or by rudely interrupting and saying, "Yes, yes. I know what you mean. What else is new?" By doing either, you run the risk of misunderstanding the entire conversation because of a premature conclusion you drew. Yes, there are some people who drone on and on. At the appropriate break or pause, ask if you've got the gist or point by summarizing what you've heard. This is a polite way to test the point.
9. CONTROL YOUR ANGER: Try not to get angry with what they are saying. Your anger will most likely prevent you from understanding what is really being said. Plus, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS!
10. REACT TO IDEAS, NOT TO THE SPEAKER: Don't allow your reactions to the speaker to influence your interpretation of what is being said. Their ideas may be good even if you don't like them as a person or like the way the look or speak or move.
11. LISTEN FOR WHAT IS NOT SAID: Sometimes you can learn just as much by determining what the other person leaves out or avoids saying as you can by listening to what is actually being said. Pay attention to how it is being said, also.
12. SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMUNICATION: Only part of the responsibility for effective communication rest with the speaker. You as the listener, have an obligation to actively listen to what is being communicated and ask questions when you do not understand.
If you make note of the above tips and put them into action, your are on your way to becoming an effective leader. Even if leadership is not in your future, it still goes a long way to use some of these to listen to our customers. After all. They ARE the reason we are here!
What do YOU think?
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Observations about the blues
I have inexplicably been feeling mighty down over the past couple of months. It is the most painful emotion one can experience other than grief over the loss of a loved one. I have been lucid enough to notice some things and I want to share my observations with you.
Everyone has times where they feel blue for whatever reason. Most of the time, when you are sad, there is a reason behind it and there is a solution forthcoming. When you are truly depressed, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it and you feel like a sloth. Not that you are lazy but it takes great effort and energy just to do ANYTHING other than breathe. If you are lucky enough to talk yourself into doing something, washing the dishes for example, it is an extremely long conversation with yourself that you almost do not win. Reluctantly, you get up to do the task. This can be something that you do every day or something that you have to do (like the dishes) or something that you enjoy doing as part of your routine (I love doing the family laundry.)
Even if you are lucky enough to get started, your follow through has deserted you and you probably wont finish the job. Like I said before, I love to do laundry and usually get it done in one day, amidst the other million things I do around the house. Because I have a big family, it does take about 5-6 loads to do everything and that is when I don't decide to wash the curtains and the beds too. Since I have been depressed, that same 5-6 loads becomes a never ending cycle of load after load after load. I find that I believe myself to have accomplished something when there is a mountain of clothes waiting to be folded (my favorite part) and I just look at it and become overwhelmed and give myself some excuse to walk away. Its. Just. Too. Hard.
So you are inexplicably sad, your follow through is shot all to hell and now the things that you loved to do before are just like....why? Reading? Out of the question. Writing? You see how much I have done lately. Smiling? THAT hurts too much. Even if it is fake.
No wonder depressed people are so hard to console. Life just sucks and for no reason at all. I mean, my family is fine, job is going great, the bills are paid. My husband is happy. No fighting or arguing. But it hurts to just exist. Ugh.
I do believe, however, I am on the upside of this thing. I have never felt this way for this long before and I am not sure how to approach things. I actually got through 85% of the laundry yesterday before I decided I had done enough. Maybe things are getting better? In the mean time, I sat in my chair and actually cried for no reason. I was getting ready for work and started to bawl like a baby for about 3 minutes. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. No reason, just seemed like the thing to do at the time.
What kinds of things have you noticed when you or someone you know has the blues.
What do YOU think?
Everyone has times where they feel blue for whatever reason. Most of the time, when you are sad, there is a reason behind it and there is a solution forthcoming. When you are truly depressed, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it and you feel like a sloth. Not that you are lazy but it takes great effort and energy just to do ANYTHING other than breathe. If you are lucky enough to talk yourself into doing something, washing the dishes for example, it is an extremely long conversation with yourself that you almost do not win. Reluctantly, you get up to do the task. This can be something that you do every day or something that you have to do (like the dishes) or something that you enjoy doing as part of your routine (I love doing the family laundry.)
Even if you are lucky enough to get started, your follow through has deserted you and you probably wont finish the job. Like I said before, I love to do laundry and usually get it done in one day, amidst the other million things I do around the house. Because I have a big family, it does take about 5-6 loads to do everything and that is when I don't decide to wash the curtains and the beds too. Since I have been depressed, that same 5-6 loads becomes a never ending cycle of load after load after load. I find that I believe myself to have accomplished something when there is a mountain of clothes waiting to be folded (my favorite part) and I just look at it and become overwhelmed and give myself some excuse to walk away. Its. Just. Too. Hard.
So you are inexplicably sad, your follow through is shot all to hell and now the things that you loved to do before are just like....why? Reading? Out of the question. Writing? You see how much I have done lately. Smiling? THAT hurts too much. Even if it is fake.
No wonder depressed people are so hard to console. Life just sucks and for no reason at all. I mean, my family is fine, job is going great, the bills are paid. My husband is happy. No fighting or arguing. But it hurts to just exist. Ugh.
I do believe, however, I am on the upside of this thing. I have never felt this way for this long before and I am not sure how to approach things. I actually got through 85% of the laundry yesterday before I decided I had done enough. Maybe things are getting better? In the mean time, I sat in my chair and actually cried for no reason. I was getting ready for work and started to bawl like a baby for about 3 minutes. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. No reason, just seemed like the thing to do at the time.
What kinds of things have you noticed when you or someone you know has the blues.
What do YOU think?
Sunday, March 31, 2013
I have a 3 digit IQ but you would never know it. Dangerous in da hood.
My dear husband does not understand the absolute hilarity I find in the show "The Big Bang Theory." Just thinking about Sheldon and his BAZINGA makes me giggle. Yet, I sit here in da hood and it goes to waste but for the random times when I use my "useless random trivia" that I fork out at people from time to time.
Yes, an education that costs me more than my house that I will certainly pay for until retirement. What a waste it is. Now that I think about it, that is really brilliant, huh? Pay thousands and thousands of dollars for an education that has to yet rival that of Chinese children and then spend the rest of our lives paying for it. Where is the aptitude in that? Further, some of us even get an education that has oh......about 3 jobs in the outlook because we are told to go after what interests us in college. There is no future in that is there? No, we have to aspire to be the 16 year old kid that got lucky enough to create an app that sells for millions of dollars because of popularity.
There it is folks..........popularity. That is what life boils down to, isn't it? All through school, you are not accepted unless you are the poplular one. Those geeks of us who are lucky enough to get into good colleges outside of the sports realm are still NOT popular. Then, upon entering college, it is all about the soror houses and you have to show that you CAN be popular to get into those. Well, unless of course it is the "Geek" house. Then, you are a member of the elite outcasts. Once again, it lends itself to popularity. Also, I found that if you are not of the athletic persuasion, you get no favors when it comes to grades but those that choose to be lazy (academically) get their grades handed to them with a silver plater. Thus, the popularity symplex. Finally, when you get into the real world, you find that it is not all about your skills or your great resume that you worked tirelessly at no-pay internships where you learned all the valuable real world skills that you need in your new career, no, folks it is about who you know and what good people you are in cahoots with. Popularity.
I have found that, even in the digital world, it is popularity that takes precedence. Ever been jealous upon joining a new social network of someone that has 6,000 friends to your measly 347? Popular much? What about this whole virtual "networking" thing? Ever peered at a LinkedIn profile and been pissed off because someone has been endorsed time and again for things that they NEVER do? Ayup.
The only thing that makes the exception to my theory of the popularity complex is LUCK. Yes, that kid was lucky that he was POPULAR and created something cool that he and all his friends were hip to and then happened to be contacted by Google to buy his popularity. Now he can not worry, so long as he plays his cards right.
Where is my luck in all of this? Where is my popularity? Sure, I have a few social networks in my pocket. Sure, I rant on FB (Ima Rant--you should check it out. Search mmiles@coastal.edu) I even have a blog and a LinkedIn profile. I also have a HUGE student loan debt that I will never pay off and a three digit IQ. Boy, I could blow the top off Harlem with the information I knew and the fact that I surely know where to take that info and cause a stir. However, that is a digression I will not take. I choose to let people lead their popular lives and make popular (and unpopular) decisions on their own. Karma gets them there. That is where the rest of us unpopular folk sit back in our swivel chairs, fold our hands behind our head, and go ahhhh. Stupidity is not my forte.
Yes, I have a three digit IQ but you would never know it. I have book smarts and if I were to ever acquire a three digit streetQ and even a two digit one in popularityQ I would be Dangerous in da hood. (Even more so than I already am.)
My name is Michele....and I am NOT popular.
Yes, an education that costs me more than my house that I will certainly pay for until retirement. What a waste it is. Now that I think about it, that is really brilliant, huh? Pay thousands and thousands of dollars for an education that has to yet rival that of Chinese children and then spend the rest of our lives paying for it. Where is the aptitude in that? Further, some of us even get an education that has oh......about 3 jobs in the outlook because we are told to go after what interests us in college. There is no future in that is there? No, we have to aspire to be the 16 year old kid that got lucky enough to create an app that sells for millions of dollars because of popularity.
There it is folks..........popularity. That is what life boils down to, isn't it? All through school, you are not accepted unless you are the poplular one. Those geeks of us who are lucky enough to get into good colleges outside of the sports realm are still NOT popular. Then, upon entering college, it is all about the soror houses and you have to show that you CAN be popular to get into those. Well, unless of course it is the "Geek" house. Then, you are a member of the elite outcasts. Once again, it lends itself to popularity. Also, I found that if you are not of the athletic persuasion, you get no favors when it comes to grades but those that choose to be lazy (academically) get their grades handed to them with a silver plater. Thus, the popularity symplex. Finally, when you get into the real world, you find that it is not all about your skills or your great resume that you worked tirelessly at no-pay internships where you learned all the valuable real world skills that you need in your new career, no, folks it is about who you know and what good people you are in cahoots with. Popularity.
I have found that, even in the digital world, it is popularity that takes precedence. Ever been jealous upon joining a new social network of someone that has 6,000 friends to your measly 347? Popular much? What about this whole virtual "networking" thing? Ever peered at a LinkedIn profile and been pissed off because someone has been endorsed time and again for things that they NEVER do? Ayup.
The only thing that makes the exception to my theory of the popularity complex is LUCK. Yes, that kid was lucky that he was POPULAR and created something cool that he and all his friends were hip to and then happened to be contacted by Google to buy his popularity. Now he can not worry, so long as he plays his cards right.
Where is my luck in all of this? Where is my popularity? Sure, I have a few social networks in my pocket. Sure, I rant on FB (Ima Rant--you should check it out. Search mmiles@coastal.edu) I even have a blog and a LinkedIn profile. I also have a HUGE student loan debt that I will never pay off and a three digit IQ. Boy, I could blow the top off Harlem with the information I knew and the fact that I surely know where to take that info and cause a stir. However, that is a digression I will not take. I choose to let people lead their popular lives and make popular (and unpopular) decisions on their own. Karma gets them there. That is where the rest of us unpopular folk sit back in our swivel chairs, fold our hands behind our head, and go ahhhh. Stupidity is not my forte.
Yes, I have a three digit IQ but you would never know it. I have book smarts and if I were to ever acquire a three digit streetQ and even a two digit one in popularityQ I would be Dangerous in da hood. (Even more so than I already am.)
My name is Michele....and I am NOT popular.
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