I have inexplicably been feeling mighty down over the past couple of months. It is the most painful emotion one can experience other than grief over the loss of a loved one. I have been lucid enough to notice some things and I want to share my observations with you.
Everyone has times where they feel blue for whatever reason. Most of the time, when you are sad, there is a reason behind it and there is a solution forthcoming. When you are truly depressed, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it and you feel like a sloth. Not that you are lazy but it takes great effort and energy just to do ANYTHING other than breathe. If you are lucky enough to talk yourself into doing something, washing the dishes for example, it is an extremely long conversation with yourself that you almost do not win. Reluctantly, you get up to do the task. This can be something that you do every day or something that you have to do (like the dishes) or something that you enjoy doing as part of your routine (I love doing the family laundry.)
Even if you are lucky enough to get started, your follow through has deserted you and you probably wont finish the job. Like I said before, I love to do laundry and usually get it done in one day, amidst the other million things I do around the house. Because I have a big family, it does take about 5-6 loads to do everything and that is when I don't decide to wash the curtains and the beds too. Since I have been depressed, that same 5-6 loads becomes a never ending cycle of load after load after load. I find that I believe myself to have accomplished something when there is a mountain of clothes waiting to be folded (my favorite part) and I just look at it and become overwhelmed and give myself some excuse to walk away. Its. Just. Too. Hard.
So you are inexplicably sad, your follow through is shot all to hell and now the things that you loved to do before are just like....why? Reading? Out of the question. Writing? You see how much I have done lately. Smiling? THAT hurts too much. Even if it is fake.
No wonder depressed people are so hard to console. Life just sucks and for no reason at all. I mean, my family is fine, job is going great, the bills are paid. My husband is happy. No fighting or arguing. But it hurts to just exist. Ugh.
I do believe, however, I am on the upside of this thing. I have never felt this way for this long before and I am not sure how to approach things. I actually got through 85% of the laundry yesterday before I decided I had done enough. Maybe things are getting better? In the mean time, I sat in my chair and actually cried for no reason. I was getting ready for work and started to bawl like a baby for about 3 minutes. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. No reason, just seemed like the thing to do at the time.
What kinds of things have you noticed when you or someone you know has the blues.
What do YOU think?
Reader suggested posts. Other blogs I write and prompts from my readers.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Hair discrimination. The struggle is real!
Recently, I had a discussion with a co worker about the color of our hair. She noted my current profile picture was different than the one I use for communications at work. Yes, she is right. There have been two instances in my life where I was not a blonde or some variation thereof. They were short lived. I am not sure why the first time I dyed my hair a darker color did not last long but I can probably guess that I absolutely hated it.
The second one, of course more recently, was for wholly different reasons.
I dyed my hair black. I had never had black hair before. I always wanted black hair. I bit the bullet and went all out. Immediately, I noticed how people responded to me. For those that knew me well, they were like "WELL! Oh! Um. Ok. You changed your hair?" Others, even perfect strangers would look at me and begrudgingly go...."Oh, its you." I found it odd that people would respond to me that way. I felt like a sheeple. No, more like those little people you cut out of notebook paper that are holding hands. You know, a never ending chain of the same exact people? I did not like how that made me feel. All my life, people have lit up like sunshine when I came in the room or at least acknowledged that me breathing was at least worth a smile and a hello.
To further make me decide never to do anything so stupid in my life, ever again, I went back to blonde and everyone lit up when I walked into the room. Now unless someone is wholly perturbed by my presence, they at least smile and wish me a hello.
I wonder how people do it. You know, the ones with black or dark brown hair? They must be miserable. I wonder what life would be like were we all blonde? I am guessing the world would be a happier place. However, in the current state of mind I carry, I find that hard to believe but hey, wishful thinking always helps. Yes?
Back to the discussion with the co worker. She made these very same observations. Then she summed it all up with 2 words that fit appropriately.
The second one, of course more recently, was for wholly different reasons.
I dyed my hair black. I had never had black hair before. I always wanted black hair. I bit the bullet and went all out. Immediately, I noticed how people responded to me. For those that knew me well, they were like "WELL! Oh! Um. Ok. You changed your hair?" Others, even perfect strangers would look at me and begrudgingly go...."Oh, its you." I found it odd that people would respond to me that way. I felt like a sheeple. No, more like those little people you cut out of notebook paper that are holding hands. You know, a never ending chain of the same exact people? I did not like how that made me feel. All my life, people have lit up like sunshine when I came in the room or at least acknowledged that me breathing was at least worth a smile and a hello.
To further make me decide never to do anything so stupid in my life, ever again, I went back to blonde and everyone lit up when I walked into the room. Now unless someone is wholly perturbed by my presence, they at least smile and wish me a hello.
I wonder how people do it. You know, the ones with black or dark brown hair? They must be miserable. I wonder what life would be like were we all blonde? I am guessing the world would be a happier place. However, in the current state of mind I carry, I find that hard to believe but hey, wishful thinking always helps. Yes?
Back to the discussion with the co worker. She made these very same observations. Then she summed it all up with 2 words that fit appropriately.
HAIR DISCRIMINATION
Think THAT will ever become a protected class of citizens? "We are an equal opportunity place. No person shall be discriminated against due to age, sex, religion, race, orientation, or HAIR COLOR." I look for it to be the next civil rights thing after we finally realize that our GLBT friends finally get what they deserve: Equal Treatment under the law. (Ah, but that is a digression that will take MONTHS and YEARS for me to cover. Also, it is a political opinion in this era and you know me......I do not discuss my political opinions.)
What do YOU think?
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