Angry

Very strong word. But that doesn't even begin to cover it. Sometimes that word just gets the best of me and it becomes something that it is not. I am tired of harboring 'Angry' in my heart. It resides right next to resentment and ill will and those are three things that should not be a part of any of me. Why should those things be a part of any human being is beyond me. Oh sure, I can reflect on what my philosophy courses have taught me. You know, Evil is necessary for happiness to be about. Or something like that. Sometimes I think: WHATEVER!

Angry also brings along his friends that make things even worse. Some of them are: headache, chest pains, sickness, stress, and hurt. Those are also things that are not good for anyone or for the soul for that matter. But you know, when Angry has gotten into your heart, it is nearly impossible to see that it is more than a black feeling. It is more than something bad. It is something that so needs help and it gets eradicated or held back because of all the darkness that surrounds it. It is a pretty sad situation, really.

Of course, because Angry has come to visit me, nobody cares and everyone around me thinks that I have mental issues and that I simply need a hug or Jesus, whichever you prefer. NOT. I am simply tired of spoon feeding Angry and making it a part of me. But my surroundings simply will not let it go away that easily. They won't or can't. So, I guess that Angry will remain a part of me and I will simply have to go on. Thanks. For nothing.

We went to the apartment complex that was down the road from the school where they had blocked the road off. The view from there was phenomenal. We watched as a massive smoke cloud raced east with the wind up above the 100 apartment buildings that were three stories high. Very sobering if you think about it because the smoke cloud made those buildings look insignificant. That wasn't good enough. We decided to try our luck and race down Highway 31 to see if we could get a better view; a closer view of the carnage that was taking over our county.

We were "lucky" enough to get to that spot before they shut the highway down. Yes, authorities were within minutes of shutting down a major back roads highway because of a catastrophe. What we witnessed was unreal.

We arrived about a half mile in front of the head of the fire. It was without a doubt coming to Highway 31 soon. There were eight lanes of blacktop and a grassy median between the fields behind us and the forest that would soon be engulfed in flames. Like many others, we were taking pictures of the smoke cloud. From this vantage point, we could see near the base of the cloud where the flames dance within turning it from dismal gray to crimson and back again. The smoke rolled and got closer. We began to see flames through the trees first here or there and then without notice, the tree line just behind the frontage road melted away to angry orange and tangerine flames and we could feel the heat on our face. I could hear my son telling me that we had to go with an urgency I had never heard from him before. But his little voice seemed so far away. It was unreal and I was living in a slow motion live play of a disaster that I could not yet grasp.

As my face warmed in the heat of the oncoming fire, I looked to the sky to see a bright dot through the clouds. The smoke had blocked out the sun and left only a memory of where it was. My eyes then refocused and for a moment I thought it was raining but it was different somehow. Yes, it was not rain, it was ashes pouring down on us as we were downwind from the firestorm. I was awestruck. I was brought back to my senses by my daughter calling to me from the back of the van. "Mommy! I want to get out and tell Daddy something!" "No," was my reply "you cannot get out of the van." She insisted as she pointed to the fields behind us. I didn't pay those fields much attention when we arrived because the people there had sprinklers on trying to saturate the land and make it unattractive to the fire. But I was shocked to see that the fire had began to jump the Highway and ignite the fields behind us. Immediately, I halfway climbed out my window and sat on the door and diverted my husband's attention to the fields. He apparently was just as surprised as me when I watched him turn to catch the spread on our camcorder.

I hear shouts from across the median and see officials waving onlookers to go on to the next exit. They were closing the Highway. The fire has arrived. I called to my husband and he runs to the van. As I am getting in, I see ground level smoke rolling casually up the frontage road as if to attack a vulnerable spot on the highway. I imagine the flames and smoke working in concert and planning its attacks. 'Get their flanks! Kill them all!'

We were feet from the next exit which was Water tower road. It was already filled with stopped cars and people standing in the road. There was only feet of the road open as the authorities had already shut down the western end of the road. When we got off the exit, we had to cross the bridge and come back. When we slowly rolled to the apex of the bridge I looked out the passenger side of the van to see that the smoke and flames had already consumed the spot where we just were. We were as close to Hell as I had ever wanted to be and it became a stark reality for me because all I kept thinking was that WE WERE JUST SITTING THERE GAWKING LIKE SOME TOURIST!!!!

We hit Highway 22 and went home. Later the next day, we find out that the fire covered 23 miles and at one point was four miles wide. Nearly 70 homes were destroyed, another 100 damaged and at one count, 2,500 evacuated. The governor had declared a state of emergency for Horry County. Schools were closed and events cancelled as businesses scrambled to take in food, water, and people. Pictures raged across the Internet, local television and newspapers. Stories of lost pets and people who had lost everything but their lives. Elsewhere in the county, my family included, phones were ringing off the hook and email in-boxes were filled and social networking sites flooded with postings as the rest of the country began to have their eye turned to Myrtle Beach. Yes, dear family far far away, we were about 10 miles from that fire and we are just fine. There is ash falling from the sky and we can still see smoke from that fire but we were saved.

As we left from under the smoke cover and began the journey home, my son was in the back seat singing the sunny song. Yes, I believe he was relieved to be leaving from there. It was the most dramatic experience for me in a long time. I feel for the people who had lost everything but, I am grateful for still having my home and a place to go to. Thanks for all the well wishes and keep Horry County in your hearts as it will soon begin the process of rebuilding after the destruction locally called the 31 Fire.

www.wefailed.dam

Two Sundays ago was my last day at work before I took my "vacation." The reason for the parenthesis is that it is not a vacation but it is not really a break in service either. My company is going through some major changes. Hell, the whole country is going through the same changes and it begins with their pockets. All during this year alone, I have watched business that have thrived in the same place for years close their doors. Some very abruptly. As I drive around, I imagine America becoming a ghost town. Yea, imagine something like that the next time you see your power company with a sign on the door saying "Closed, thanks for your business, you must now mail in your payment or go to http://www.wefailed.dam/. That sucks to see that.

I have fought tooth and nail to keep what you can call a job just so that I do not have to stand in the unemployment line and become a statistic like so many of my fellow Americans and coworkers. It makes me feel down to see my coworkers go away one at a time, some happy while others are anxoius about what their future holds. Still others are still arriving at the time clock every day until that fateful May 4, 2009. That is the day that the WARN Act will let nearly 60 or more of my co workers go. Many of whom are long time employees of a quarter of a century or more. I could not help but thinking as I left for the last Sunday that I would be working in a while, that things would be fundamentally different upon my return to work in May. In itself, the newspaper office will be a ghost town.

Just the other day, I checked my email from work so that I can stay up to date on any other major changes going on and they said goodbye to another forty sum people. Fundamentally, I will be returning to a ghost town. Everyone will be overworked and stressed. Big fun there. But on the bright side, I do have a job to go to. A lot of these people are going to be looking for months with nothing to show for it. Resume after resume sent off, application after application filled out to sit and watch the phone and pick it up every now and then to see if it is still working. Oh, it works, just nobody is calling. Very sad.

I was sitting in a circus tent tonight listening to a conversation going on behind me. This woman was talking about her ex-husband the millionaire and how she now has to work 2-3 jobs just to get by. What a pity. I am sorry she spent most of her time at home married to him worrying about what color her toenails were going to be and now she has an outdated college degree and has to work sixty hours a week at $8.50 an hour just to make ends meet! tsk. tsk. I say. She should live within her means and it would not be like that. Hurumph! The way I look at it, this economic downturn is only going to really hurt the rich people. All because they now have to live like us more simple folk and learn to make it from check to check. OOps! No more $10 lattes from starbucks or some fru fru shop!

As I sip my imported coffee from Canada: Yes dahlin!!!! Tim Hortons for me! My import only cost me what I do for a living and will happily return to in three weeks! A nicety on the telephone! Customers are great! Dont forget to read the Sun News!!!!!

And don't forget national Newspaper day 04-20!!!

I am actually looking at an extended vacation thanks to our lovely government and the wonderful WARN Act. Kudos to Barbara for making that possible! =0). I am planning to do a thorough overhaul of my house! I want to put my hands on every thing in every room and decide wether or not we should keep it or get rid of it. This is my opportunity to shed the ways of the Pack Rat and make for a new life of useful stuff that is neither broken or waiting to be fixed. I am so looking forward to working my house over while I am relaxing on my staycation in my own home.

Before I am allowed to do that however, I get the privledge of spending Spring Break with my children. What a joy this is going to be! While I have not made plans, I do wish that I am able to take them somewhere to play every day. A day at the park, at the beach, you know, things like that. It would be nice to let them have full days of fresh air and not be in the house. Remember days like that? If I were a stay at home mom and money were not an issue if I were, that would definitely be the way to go. How much easier to keep the house clean that would be!

Another thing that I would like to accomplish is to get some long deserved reading for pleasure done. I have not been able to read anything just because at length for years. What a joy that would be too. Kind of like fishing for my husband, it would be great to curl up with a book and a cup of coffee and a blanket and read until I go crosseyed! Even writing in my book would qualify for this category!

Oh, and I also would like to lose some weight. I want to watch the sun rise at the beach one day and it would be nice if I could run the beach every day while I am on vacation. While it is not safe to do that alone anymore, I can still dream about that. I do want to lose weight while I am out, I have almost put that wish to the back burner on my minds stove. Yea it seems to be only a wish because I cannot bring myself to eat right one hundred percent of the time. Caffine is too much a part of me and I love my pizza. I am addicted to that and it is only a dream that I have been chasing for some time now.

We will see what the next month will bring. I have so many hopes and aspirations and I can only hope that they are accomplished before I have to return to work.