OCD. It is in all of us.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Or Obsessive compulsive disorder. Or obsessive compulsive disorder.

I know that this is what some people would consider a disease.  Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is where someone constantly does some habit over and over again in an attempt to maintain control of the world around them. While that is not the standard definition, that is my layman’s take on it. I believe that we all are a little OCD about things in our lives. Some have OCD more than others.  I believe it becomes an issue or something that is considered wrong with the person when the world notices and becomes bothered by the behavior or the mere doing of the said behavior becomes so exhausting for the person doing it that they are unable to live a normal life.  For my dear readers that know how I love to have my nose stuck in a book, you can expect a story reference in this rant. You can pretty much bet it is also from a King novel.  “Ayup” as King’s characters often say.  You nailed it.

This one story in Just After Sunset was so obsessed with counting, touching, and placing things, that it became exhausting to even breathe.  Every step was counted and it had to be even numbers, every color, lines and circles of objects meant to ward off evil, checking and quadruple checking every lock in the house to ensure they were all locked.  Not THAT was exhausting just writing about it.  There is true OCD. Textbook even.  Still there are others that have it and can be noticed by those around them or have become so accustomed to the behavior that they can actually live and not let it overcome their entire being.  Psychiatrists would say they have a control on the OCD behavior.  Maybe it is something like washing their hands all the time or lining up a pile of something that is randomly sitting there (a pile of buttons, for example.) Even so much as to not walk on painted pavement or step over the cracks in the sidewalk.  Those are not so bad. Not so crippling. Maybe hurtful every now and again when the cracks are to infinite to step over or around or the whole damn parking lot is painted over…solid.  That could certainly lead to a bad day. I understand that.

However, there are even others who KNOW they have an OCD behavior but are not so overcome by the event that it is catastrophic if it is not done properly.  They do try to exude the same behavior whenever the need arises, but they are not stressed out by the fact that it did not go according to plan. Let me explain this one because I can partially relate.  Let’s say, for example, you have a bag of m&m’s.  There are five colors in said bag. (I know these are not the exact colors, this is just an example folks.) These colors are red, yellow, blue, green, and brown.  While sitting in a meeting, everyone has a bag of these chocolate covered bits of heaven to keep them occupied and awake during the most boring meeting of the day. Now, most people would either pour them into their hand out of the bag, pluck them out with pincher fingers one by one, or dump them on the table and randomly eat them.  Not you, no way.  There is a method to your madness.  You have to dump them out and either separate them into piles by color or line them up in straight lines by color. You always eat the browns first (your least favorite color.) Then proceed to yellow, red, green and the blues are always last.  Yes, because green and blue are your favorite, even though all the candies taste the same, you do this with every bag of m&m’s you have ever eaten. They are just better that way. 

Of course, the people around you notice what you are doing. But, it is not so bothersome that they stop what they are doing to gawk at you. Afterall, you are only eating your m&m’s and you are not too noisy about it. Maybe even the person to your left will lean over and say “OCD much?”  That is not going to bother you. You may even accidentally eat a blue one first. That is ok so long as there are still blues left for the very last.  This is not wholly life consuming, nor is it tiresome behavior.  It is just something that makes you happy for the moment and it is not taking over your life. Besides, next time, you will NOT eat a blue one by mistake before all the other colors are gone. It didn’t kill you.

Even further down the spectrum, there are ones who have some sort of OCD thing going on in their life and it may be so ingrained into them or such a valid part of their personality that nobody notices it. Even the person with the behavior does not notice it either. This is not as simple as putting your seatbelt on every single time you get in the car to go somewhere.   It is something like ensuring that your pen is sitting on your desk in the perfect spot while you are talking on the phone at work. It can even be that when you put your shoes on, it is always the right and then the left.  It is not a skipped heartbeat if it is not that way, just makes you feel better is all.

My query here is this:  What happens to people that makes them surge from the minor end of the spectrum that I just described to the other end where it takes over their entire being and they become so stressed about it that it simply wears them out?  It has to be some sort of experience that triggers the behavior for that to occur.  I can pinpoint what happened in my life that has me so off about mildew in the shower or anything but a pristine toilet.  But what horrible thing can possibly cause someone to believe that they have to have that sort of control on the world around them. So manic to the point that they have to continuously control everything.  It makes me tired just to think about it.  I can certainly feel for those people because living life to its fullest and keeping up with normal stuff can be tiring. Not to mention it also depends on how busy you are.   I think I am going to look into this further because I find the topic fascinating.

Am I sounding like a nerd?  Well, of course because (secretly) I am!  Off to the people that know about this stuff! I am definitely going to rant more about this topic. 

What do YOU think?

Relationships

I had a co- worker mention that she would like to read something about relationships. While I am no expert, I wondered: Did she mean ships that were relation? OR relations that had ships? OR simply relatives and their ships? OR vice versa?  Ok, so maybe she meant social or love.  Ya, that is not something that I am adept at providing information about but let us see what my warped mind can come up with.  You already got my two cents about ships and relatives. Not that any of my relatives HAVE ships or are even remotely close enough to purchasing one, it was quite witty. (If I must say so.)

**Love**

I love my husband dearly. I love my kids. All of them are why I breathe. I love my dog. I love my various other pets, plants, siblings, and my parents. I even love my mother in law.  All of those are very different situations.  Being said, that means that I assume my take on this one would be to live right and the rest will follow.  Don’t try to fix something that refuses to be fixed. (My sister hasn’t spoken nicely to me in years.) Also, don’t walk away simply because it gets too hard. Every relationship will run into rough waters. It happens.  Especially between those who are in love with each other.  I can tell you, my husband I have been through thick or thin. But we have never walked away from each other and said “I quit.” For us, that is NOT an option!   We just keep chugging along. I guess that attributes to our longevity as a couple! J

I have nothing more on that particular subject. I am no expert. I just know what is right for me. Each situation is different and it is all a matter of trial and error.

**Family**

Not speaking to a sibling?  What about your kids?  Try to fix it if you believe it to be necessary. If the whole spat is something silly or this long complicated thing, just let it ride. There will come a time when you will need to speak to each other and that may be the day that things will come full circle.  Blood is thicker than water and while some blood may never be happy around each other again, that may be for good reason or no reason at all. Just live life right and to the fullest and the one who is in the wrong will see the err of their ways one day.  You will see.  No expert here either but this is what is working for me.

**Pets/plants/strays/other things**

If you don’t have some sort of bond between you and your pet or a connection of sorts or if you simply hate them; get rid of them. They need to be loved too, just like humans and they DO have feelings.  It is not right to simply have a pet to bring out and put away as you please. Would it be fair to lock your children in a cage when you did not want to deal with them?  Well, the same goes for your pets. If you don’t have time or it is not in your heart, find a better or more appropriate home for them.  While it may be a hard decision, it is the better one. 

Plants?  The same. It drives me up the wall for someone to get a plant and not try to keep it watered. It is not horribly difficult to do. Some plants you just water when the soil feels dry, others you water more often. Most store bought plants come with instructions on how to water and what kind of light they prefer. Like anything else, it is trial and error but, if you do not have time or you are travelling a lot, give the plant to someone who will care for it. They are living things too and need care just as a pet or fellow human would.  Heck, when I was a kid, I was convinced that talking to my plants helped them grow. What I didn’t realize was that it helped me too because you can tell a plant a secret and they will never turn on you!  While a bit eccentric, it is great therapy! I promise!

Strays?  Well, this is something else entirely.  You can feed a stray once, but they do come back. If they find it a very cushy deal for them, they will bring friends. Be careful in doing this because it may cause issue.  Also, turtles belong in ponds. This is especially true if you find them in your yard or on your porch.  Just take them to a pond and turn them loose. No lost love there. Easy peasy.

Other stuff?  Stuff is just stuff. While you may have a heirloom or sentimental value, it is nothing compared to your own life and do not let your stuff consume you to the point of intervention.  The first step of letting go is always the hardest but you find it easier the second and third time. It is ok to keep things and keep little trinkets that are sentimentally significant, but do not take it to a level where it damages you and your other relationships…or relations with ships their ships will sink if you load up their ships with your stuff and they will not want to be related to you anymore….

What do you think?

WAR....Good God Y'all.

I found myself watching a music video which had used scenes from  the movie Saving Private Ryan.  This video was also set to my favorite song and that may be what has me started on this emotional rant. While watching the video, I found it to be quite graphic and began to imagine how horrible it would be to actually live through something like that.  I am not referring to survivors remorse or PTSD or any other after effects of war but just to have the experience and the images that result from it burned into your memory until you either lose your mind and forget or pass on.

I have never been a fan of war and find it silly that there are people willing to go fight and put their lives on the line for some aristocrat (or politician, if you prefer) that they have never met. All for the sake of “saving the country.”  Are they really doing that or are they pawns in a chess board that these evil leaders have and are being pushed around to see how much chaos they can cause for the peons that depend on them to rule the masses.  It truly is something to think about.  Think about it I have. ALL DAY LONG.  There was some lag time at work and we were sharing YouTube videos to keep each other ‘s momentum for work.  Usually, they are funnies but this particular day it was all music.  Not so interested in what other people listen to, I went on my own and began watching the video I mentioned earlier.  Since then, I have been thinking about this war issue and it is eating away at my very gut because it is a horrible, horrible situation to put people in and they go into these thing so willingly and blindly and come back disturbed, maimed, damaged, dead, or not at all.

Looking at the excerpts from Saving Private Ryan, it was a reference to the D-Day invasion at Normandy.  I am certain the movie creators did their best to depict the raid historically accurate and with the technology available during that particular war, people were watching their team mates and friends blown to bits not even inches away.  That is something I cannot even fathom.  To be in the middle of all that fire and all that destruction; trying to cover your own ass and not get killed yourself and to turn your head and see the person you have become best friends with or the person that “has your back” simply explode into bloody hell has got to be a very sobering experience, no matter how cold hearted you are.

Yet people do it…..every….single….day.

For powers that are who could care less about them as an individual. Only that they are of the masses that are sent to fight a war that likely started off as a spat between two spoiled people with a bit of power underneath them to intimidate and show that they can run things. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Now, for you readers that know my philosophical side must know that I am to touch on the whole good vs. evil argument and the Utility of it all.  Because of the very nature of humans, they have to have some sort of control over things or there would be mass chaos.  They even have to exhibit control over themselves or there would be no such thing as good at all.  Life would be unbearable and mortality would be as close to triple digits as it can get without eradicating the whole species.  So, there must be control and not everyone is a leader.  Those of us who choose to step back and let others do this messy business of being leaders remain the sheep, or the pawns in the chessboard for the ones who WANT and DO lead (yes, not can and are able to because not all leaders can lead and not all leaders are able to lead,) to push around and play their sick little game. I refer to it as a sick little game because when people find themselves in positions of power, they tend to become corrupt and use it for a personal agenda instead for that of the greater good.

We have the evil people in power pushing the “good” people around the chessboard. These good people would continue on with their lives without even knowing that there is a spat going on amongst them in power and would not care in the least about it. HOWEVER, the powerful use the masses to push their agendas of greed and such and it directly affects the masses and they are pushed into the conflict. When that happens, the masses become aware of the powers conflicts and begin to form an opinion of sorts while others simply go off to fight whatever fight they have been sent to fight blindly believing that they are doing something for the greater good.  Maybe it is to protect their own lands but they are away from their homes and families.  In the modern world, that is protecting the home land from afar but at what cost?  Yes, there are horrible bombs and things that are capable of mass destruction but when there are multiple nations involved, what is it really protecting? Sure, we have so called friends and allies that we have agreed to help when they are being bullied by another country but, think about it.

You are fighting in a war because those in power are having an angered dispute about something political or some selfish disagreement has occurred and those people are causing YOU….the insignificant non leaders in the human race to go an risk your lives to watch yourself be horribly disfigured or to watch someone you have come to know as your friend or acquaintance blown to bits right in front of you.  For you to sit there and inhale their blood-spray or to eat a chunk of their flesh as you scream in horror at the atrocities that are going on around you, is unspeakable.  All this mayhem while the political aristocracies are sitting in their big rooms throwing about orders that will get you and your brethren killed. You believe this is the right thing.

Here is something else to think about. Why don’t THEY go out there into some foreign land, wearing countless pounds of warfare regalia and fight amongst themselves to resolve the issues they are spatting about.   Let them spray their  blood on the sands of the beaches and end the wars that way. What then?  Would that fix it or create mass chaos?

What do you think?

Well if that doesn't condone a Hitler-cannibalistic attitude toward life.

Have you ever paid attention to that cereal commercial where the cereal devises underhanded ways of eating each other?  In a world where bullying is a real issue in schools and the great movement to actually curb such behavior, we sit back and laugh and snicker at these fool pieces of cereal.  To what end?

Is that not the very thing that we are seeking to prevent the children of today from doing?  Is it not condoning cannibalism?  What if some child, who knows no better, ends up doing that to a peer?  Then what? Blame the parents?

Yes, the parents are to blame but only partially.  It is up to the parents to talk to and teach their children the difference between right and wrong and it is up to the parents to certainly tell their children that cannibalism is not something that people in this society do anymore.  We need to talk to our children about the things they are exposed to and to let them know what is reality and what is simply make believe. We also need to teach them that some forms of behaviour that are seen on television are certainly not appropriate for action in real life.  Would you not agree that the same needs to be done when they see one of the cartoony poptart commercials?  Those commercials are teaching kids that it is alright to treat a certain type of living thing a cruel way simply because it is funny.  Those kids trap pop tarts (who are personified) in toasters and devise ways to get them into a warm place simply to toast them alive.  Well if that is not teaching torture methods, then what is?

Yes, it is funny to watch but you need to realize that some children are exposed to this and are never taught that it is wrong or immoral.  They are exposed to these behaviours and see these characters laugh and giggle at their own behaviour and believe that off the wall things like locking someone different than you in a creamatorium is funny.  What the children aren't exposed to is that you cannot take behaviour like that back. 

Exactly, it does not show the consequences of said "funny" behaviour.  So tell me, who is going to guide our future generations along the path of salvation and non bullying behaviour.  Well, it certainly starts at home, with the parents that HAVE TO TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN. We were talked to growing up.  The only difference between then and now is that we had to live life and not be sucked into electronics hours and hours a day.  As a parent, you have the control to change that and encourage our children to treat each other with respect and as human beings. Put the electronics aside and let them know, cannabalism-you can't take it back and it is wrong. Toasting those that are different from you-you cannot take it back and it is wrong.  The latter even being Hitler like......eck.

What do you think?

Trees have boo boos too!

Ever since I was a little girl, I would imagine what it must be like to be a tree in "these modern times." I was taught in elementary school that trees were living things just like humans or animals and that they should be treated with respect and not to hurt them. Plants too for that matter. I was also taught that if you were lost in the woods and became cold that you could hug a tree and it would provide you with a little warmth as it was alive and produced heat of its own. While I am not sure about that, when you are freezing even the most ridiculous would be worth a try, I'm sure.

Ok, back to being a tree. Every once in a while I look around and take note of all of the things that are made of wood around me. I am even more aware when we are in a park or something. There are houses, benches, wood piles (for fire of course,) and even the handles of some of your tools. If trees had eyes... 

Here I am a stately oak tree and I look around and it must be like a cow hanging out in a meat freezer. I see all of these things made from the flesh of my comrades and they are all put on display like some trophy or prize. How sickening it must be. Those humans will cut down a tree, make a bench and think it pretty to put it at my roots?! What do I want to look at one of my murdered own for? Their priorities must be skewed. What would they think if I were to hang one of them amongst my branches like a piece of jewelry. Of course that will not do.

I know it sounds kind of off but imagine what it must be like to be a tree today. I know they do not have eyes or emotions but, if they did. Imagine how they must feel. 

Yea, yea, I do think about odd stuff sometimes, but who doesn't. I am just a little more out in the open about my thoughts. Look at the picture below. This tree was hit by my son's pedal car a couple of days before this picture was taken. Yes, it was at full speed. By that I mean as fast as my five year old could pedal it and WHAM! right into the tree. (Gosh forbid he mess up the fence, right?) See, the tree 'bled.' It got a boo boo. A rather large one I may add. Poor tree. As humans, we take things for granted and the natural resources that are left on this planet should be allowed to grow and replenish and we should not be so wasteful. It is not like there are vast other worlds where we can go and consume them into nothing. This is the only planet we have got. 

Lets love our mother earth, she provides for us and we should respect her enough to take care of the things she gives us to survive. 

My blurb for the day, just wanted to let you know what I was thinking. 

The Marshmallow Test

I recently seen a thing on TV where they took a group of 3 year olds and gave them a marshmallow and told themt hey had to hold it but wait to eat it. Those that did wait about 15 minutes or so were rewarded with a second marshmallow and they could then eat them both.  Those that didnt wait only got the one.  Simple enough.  They they followed these children through out their lives and into their early 20's or so.

They found that those that could accept delayed gratification were less streesed and better off in their lives than those who did not, overall.

O.o all over a marshmallow? 

Well, not really, it was an experiment related to parenting styles and that the parents that successfully taught delayed gratification to their children were setting them up to take disappointments in life with great stride.  Wow, such a simple thing can teach us wonders.

It makes you really consider how your parenting style affects your children and exactly how much they imitate what they see and how they adjust to life depending on the life lessons we teach them.  I try to teach my children to be survivors and I am guilty of the instant gratification thing. However, I wonder how whiners get away with it. I mean if a child will whine enough, most of the time they get their way and if they catch on to that, watch out. A lot of nerves will be pinched and a lot of teeth will be grinding.

I mean think about it. Children are great at manipulating their parents in some form or fashion. No matter the parenting style.  They are also great at imitating what they see and the stories they hear about "when I was your age."  I have seen it happen all to often that a parent will say to a child:

"Do as I say and not as I do"

Then the child will grow up and be exactly like the parent or even worse and then the parent wonders where they have gone wrong.  I can assure you that if you talked to them a lot along the way, they will file the good things away and reflect upon them when they make their own mistakes.  So long as you have not been abusive, or horrible to them, they still may turn out ok.  They do have to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Even when they are grown you can still talk to them. Still teach them by giving them the marshmallow and delaying the second one to see their response, if they cannot wait to eat the first one before getting the second one, then you have some work to do and we as parents can still work with our children to make them better people even if they are fourty years young.

They are still your children no matter how old they are.

What do you think about the marshmallow test?  See the link below for more information:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2012/10/16/science-marshmallow-test-delayed-gratification/1636207/

Explore with your children. Let them get dirty.

I love a teachable moment with the kiddos. Especially about life lessons and doing things the way they were done without electricity.  I can assure you that, if the world were to go to shit, my children could plant and grow their own food. They could raise farm animals, purify and store their own water and rig up the house to fend off anything short of a nuclear holocaust.  They can shoot and throw and clean with the best of them. 

They can also do their math homework without a calculator and they certainly know how to read.  They also know that if there were no power, they can use their imaginations to play and make their own toys.  We have also discussed how to survive should there be no houses left either.  No, we are no survivalists and there are no "bug out bags" randomly stored throughout the house.  It is nothing like that. What this means is that we are teaching our children the basics of being self sufficient.  They can also make their own cooker out of wood and aluminum foil and other things. Yes, they know all about technology and can fix a computer with the best of them and they have their electronic gadgets and know how to operate a computer and a calculator. We do not prohibit those things, but if there were ever to come a time for survival. I know that our children can survive without assistance or help from a stranger. I know that they can grow up and figure out things on their own.

We let them get dirty and dig holes and let them color and paint with melted crayons.  That is what children do.  They argue and fall down.  That is what baths and band aids are made for.  They are allowed to fix their own disagreements with each other to learn social graces and human skills.

This is all something that many kids do not know.  I cannot tell you how it makes me cringe for a mother to break out the hand sanitizer every time her kid touches something off the ground.  They do not have to get up off the ground at the playground rolling a ball back and forth because it is "dirty."  I am here to tell you if you stop treating them like porcelain dolls, there would be a lot less asthma, allergies, and other things that people spend their whole lives with.  Did you know a vaccination is an injection of the disease it is seeking to prevent you from getting? If you take your children outside on a regular basis and let them get dirty from time to time, they will be a lot less sick in the long run.  They will be exposed to the stuff that gives people asthma and allergies at an early age when there are no issues and they will not become allergic to them simply for a lack of exposure.  It will also give them room to grow because they will run and play and simply be children. 

Each of my children went on an exploration day in the yard with me  when they were crawlers.  I found a nice day, took the baby outside and we explored the REAL world around us.  We lifted our faces and felt the warmth of the sun. We felt the bark on the trees and watched the ants crawl in the cracks.  We felt the grass with our hands and our feet. We felt the warmth of the sidewalk in the sun and the cool of the driveway in the shade.  We twirled a leaf between our grubby little fingers and blew a dandelion weed and watched the seeds. We pointed at squirrels and birds and bugs.  We felt the wind in our hair.  We felt the difference in the feel of the shiny leaves from the trees and the roughness of the rocks in the ground. We let dirt sift through our fingers and felt the running water out of the hose from the side of the house.  We didn't die.  We didn't get sick.  We went inside, washed our hands and went back to playing with our things.  However, the baby learned about the world and learned more than anyone will ever know.  Further, there was a special time only you can share with your child.  For me an mine, it was a day of discovery.  A couple of our children hated the way the grass felt on their feet and one other loved rubbing his feet in it. You learn something about your children.  How their curiosity works as well as discovering things on your own about how they perceive the world.  One of ours shied away from the bugs we were looking at.  This helped me figure out what would give him the willies-he seen a bug and they make him spaz out because he is afraid of bugs. 

I exposed them to the REAL world and I let them get dirty a little bit. That is what children do. It is in their very nature to be curious. They want to play and jump and run and explore.  While it is up to you to keep them safe and be their parent, let them play and jump and run and explore.  Further, explore with them. It is one of the best things you can do. 

What have you done with your child today?