#goalswillbereached The Monster Within

Coming from the depths of self hate spawned by a stranger.  The light at the end of the tunnel comes ever closer. Years have passed and you have never felt safe in this vessel. Sadly it takes the sharp tongue of interlopers to spin you into action. To outsiders it appears to be self harm..no..self torture. Since they only spare a passing glance, you are left spiraling on your own. Alone...in the dark. You search for the key. You fumble in the murky blackness searching for the door that does not want to be found. All the while inward detest changes you.

Inward it becomes a vicious, blood thirsty monster. Outward it is a silent killer. What do you do?

You walk one more mile. Ride that bike ten more minutes. Push up ten more times. That fat blitch is not going to get the best of you. Not anymorem you can laugh at her now. Besides...who is the fat blitch now?

**Thoughts from that fat girl you laughed at jogging up the street...the chubby girl you recorded at the gym...keep on eating your doughnuts camera holder. To that she says....fluck you honey. I still got mine. What do you have? Nothing but empty dreams.**

#goalswillbereached

What do YOU think?

Observations about the blues

I have inexplicably been feeling mighty down over the past couple of months. It is the most painful emotion one can experience other than grief over the loss of a loved one. I have been lucid enough to notice some things and I want to share my observations with you.


Everyone has times where they feel blue for whatever reason. Most of the time, when you are sad, there is a reason behind it and there is a solution forthcoming. When you are truly depressed, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it and you feel like a sloth. Not that you are lazy but it takes great effort and energy just to do ANYTHING other than breathe. If you are lucky enough to talk yourself into doing something, washing the dishes for example, it is an extremely long conversation with yourself that you almost do not win. Reluctantly, you get up to do the task. This can be something that you do every day or something that you have to do (like the dishes) or something that you enjoy doing as part of your routine (I love doing the family laundry.)


Even if you are lucky enough to get started, your follow through has deserted you and you probably wont finish the job. Like I said before, I love to do laundry and usually get it done in one day, amidst the other million things I do around the house. Because I have a big family, it does take about 5-6 loads to do everything and that is when I don't decide to wash the curtains and the beds too. Since I have been depressed, that same 5-6 loads becomes a never ending cycle of load after load after load. I find that I believe myself to have accomplished something when there is a mountain of clothes waiting to be folded (my favorite part) and I just look at it and become overwhelmed and give myself some excuse to walk away. Its. Just. Too. Hard.


So you are inexplicably sad, your follow through is shot all to hell and now the things that you loved to do before are just like....why?  Reading? Out of the question. Writing? You see how much I have done lately. Smiling? THAT hurts too much. Even if it is fake.


No wonder depressed people are so hard to console. Life just sucks and for no reason at all. I mean, my family is fine, job is going great, the bills are paid. My husband is happy. No fighting or arguing. But it hurts to just exist. Ugh.


I do believe, however, I am on the upside of this thing. I have never felt this way for this long before and I am not sure how to approach things. I actually got through 85% of the laundry yesterday before I decided I had done enough. Maybe things are getting better? In the mean time, I sat in my chair and actually cried for no reason. I was getting ready for work and started to bawl like a baby for about 3 minutes. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. No reason, just seemed like the thing to do at the time.


What kinds of things have you noticed when you or someone you know has the blues.


What do YOU think?

I did it! I am now published! Check it out!

I wrote a book and finally had it published! I am soooo excited!


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OCD. It is in all of us.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Or Obsessive compulsive disorder. Or obsessive compulsive disorder.

I know that this is what some people would consider a disease.  Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is where someone constantly does some habit over and over again in an attempt to maintain control of the world around them. While that is not the standard definition, that is my layman’s take on it. I believe that we all are a little OCD about things in our lives. Some have OCD more than others.  I believe it becomes an issue or something that is considered wrong with the person when the world notices and becomes bothered by the behavior or the mere doing of the said behavior becomes so exhausting for the person doing it that they are unable to live a normal life.  For my dear readers that know how I love to have my nose stuck in a book, you can expect a story reference in this rant. You can pretty much bet it is also from a King novel.  “Ayup” as King’s characters often say.  You nailed it.

This one story in Just After Sunset was so obsessed with counting, touching, and placing things, that it became exhausting to even breathe.  Every step was counted and it had to be even numbers, every color, lines and circles of objects meant to ward off evil, checking and quadruple checking every lock in the house to ensure they were all locked.  Not THAT was exhausting just writing about it.  There is true OCD. Textbook even.  Still there are others that have it and can be noticed by those around them or have become so accustomed to the behavior that they can actually live and not let it overcome their entire being.  Psychiatrists would say they have a control on the OCD behavior.  Maybe it is something like washing their hands all the time or lining up a pile of something that is randomly sitting there (a pile of buttons, for example.) Even so much as to not walk on painted pavement or step over the cracks in the sidewalk.  Those are not so bad. Not so crippling. Maybe hurtful every now and again when the cracks are to infinite to step over or around or the whole damn parking lot is painted over…solid.  That could certainly lead to a bad day. I understand that.

However, there are even others who KNOW they have an OCD behavior but are not so overcome by the event that it is catastrophic if it is not done properly.  They do try to exude the same behavior whenever the need arises, but they are not stressed out by the fact that it did not go according to plan. Let me explain this one because I can partially relate.  Let’s say, for example, you have a bag of m&m’s.  There are five colors in said bag. (I know these are not the exact colors, this is just an example folks.) These colors are red, yellow, blue, green, and brown.  While sitting in a meeting, everyone has a bag of these chocolate covered bits of heaven to keep them occupied and awake during the most boring meeting of the day. Now, most people would either pour them into their hand out of the bag, pluck them out with pincher fingers one by one, or dump them on the table and randomly eat them.  Not you, no way.  There is a method to your madness.  You have to dump them out and either separate them into piles by color or line them up in straight lines by color. You always eat the browns first (your least favorite color.) Then proceed to yellow, red, green and the blues are always last.  Yes, because green and blue are your favorite, even though all the candies taste the same, you do this with every bag of m&m’s you have ever eaten. They are just better that way. 

Of course, the people around you notice what you are doing. But, it is not so bothersome that they stop what they are doing to gawk at you. Afterall, you are only eating your m&m’s and you are not too noisy about it. Maybe even the person to your left will lean over and say “OCD much?”  That is not going to bother you. You may even accidentally eat a blue one first. That is ok so long as there are still blues left for the very last.  This is not wholly life consuming, nor is it tiresome behavior.  It is just something that makes you happy for the moment and it is not taking over your life. Besides, next time, you will NOT eat a blue one by mistake before all the other colors are gone. It didn’t kill you.

Even further down the spectrum, there are ones who have some sort of OCD thing going on in their life and it may be so ingrained into them or such a valid part of their personality that nobody notices it. Even the person with the behavior does not notice it either. This is not as simple as putting your seatbelt on every single time you get in the car to go somewhere.   It is something like ensuring that your pen is sitting on your desk in the perfect spot while you are talking on the phone at work. It can even be that when you put your shoes on, it is always the right and then the left.  It is not a skipped heartbeat if it is not that way, just makes you feel better is all.

My query here is this:  What happens to people that makes them surge from the minor end of the spectrum that I just described to the other end where it takes over their entire being and they become so stressed about it that it simply wears them out?  It has to be some sort of experience that triggers the behavior for that to occur.  I can pinpoint what happened in my life that has me so off about mildew in the shower or anything but a pristine toilet.  But what horrible thing can possibly cause someone to believe that they have to have that sort of control on the world around them. So manic to the point that they have to continuously control everything.  It makes me tired just to think about it.  I can certainly feel for those people because living life to its fullest and keeping up with normal stuff can be tiring. Not to mention it also depends on how busy you are.   I think I am going to look into this further because I find the topic fascinating.

Am I sounding like a nerd?  Well, of course because (secretly) I am!  Off to the people that know about this stuff! I am definitely going to rant more about this topic. 

What do YOU think?

Explore with your children. Let them get dirty.

I love a teachable moment with the kiddos. Especially about life lessons and doing things the way they were done without electricity.  I can assure you that, if the world were to go to shit, my children could plant and grow their own food. They could raise farm animals, purify and store their own water and rig up the house to fend off anything short of a nuclear holocaust.  They can shoot and throw and clean with the best of them. 

They can also do their math homework without a calculator and they certainly know how to read.  They also know that if there were no power, they can use their imaginations to play and make their own toys.  We have also discussed how to survive should there be no houses left either.  No, we are no survivalists and there are no "bug out bags" randomly stored throughout the house.  It is nothing like that. What this means is that we are teaching our children the basics of being self sufficient.  They can also make their own cooker out of wood and aluminum foil and other things. Yes, they know all about technology and can fix a computer with the best of them and they have their electronic gadgets and know how to operate a computer and a calculator. We do not prohibit those things, but if there were ever to come a time for survival. I know that our children can survive without assistance or help from a stranger. I know that they can grow up and figure out things on their own.

We let them get dirty and dig holes and let them color and paint with melted crayons.  That is what children do.  They argue and fall down.  That is what baths and band aids are made for.  They are allowed to fix their own disagreements with each other to learn social graces and human skills.

This is all something that many kids do not know.  I cannot tell you how it makes me cringe for a mother to break out the hand sanitizer every time her kid touches something off the ground.  They do not have to get up off the ground at the playground rolling a ball back and forth because it is "dirty."  I am here to tell you if you stop treating them like porcelain dolls, there would be a lot less asthma, allergies, and other things that people spend their whole lives with.  Did you know a vaccination is an injection of the disease it is seeking to prevent you from getting? If you take your children outside on a regular basis and let them get dirty from time to time, they will be a lot less sick in the long run.  They will be exposed to the stuff that gives people asthma and allergies at an early age when there are no issues and they will not become allergic to them simply for a lack of exposure.  It will also give them room to grow because they will run and play and simply be children. 

Each of my children went on an exploration day in the yard with me  when they were crawlers.  I found a nice day, took the baby outside and we explored the REAL world around us.  We lifted our faces and felt the warmth of the sun. We felt the bark on the trees and watched the ants crawl in the cracks.  We felt the grass with our hands and our feet. We felt the warmth of the sidewalk in the sun and the cool of the driveway in the shade.  We twirled a leaf between our grubby little fingers and blew a dandelion weed and watched the seeds. We pointed at squirrels and birds and bugs.  We felt the wind in our hair.  We felt the difference in the feel of the shiny leaves from the trees and the roughness of the rocks in the ground. We let dirt sift through our fingers and felt the running water out of the hose from the side of the house.  We didn't die.  We didn't get sick.  We went inside, washed our hands and went back to playing with our things.  However, the baby learned about the world and learned more than anyone will ever know.  Further, there was a special time only you can share with your child.  For me an mine, it was a day of discovery.  A couple of our children hated the way the grass felt on their feet and one other loved rubbing his feet in it. You learn something about your children.  How their curiosity works as well as discovering things on your own about how they perceive the world.  One of ours shied away from the bugs we were looking at.  This helped me figure out what would give him the willies-he seen a bug and they make him spaz out because he is afraid of bugs. 

I exposed them to the REAL world and I let them get dirty a little bit. That is what children do. It is in their very nature to be curious. They want to play and jump and run and explore.  While it is up to you to keep them safe and be their parent, let them play and jump and run and explore.  Further, explore with them. It is one of the best things you can do. 

What have you done with your child today?

Daddy truly knew.

I just finished a book (for my own enjoyment not for an assignment) that I had started to read a very long time ago. My favortie part about reading a book is the feeling you get when you read that last sentence on that last page. It is a gratifying feeling that only readers know. This time, I had quiet to enjoy that feeling and noted it gave me chills. I love it. I love to read. It is a pleasure that causes no disease, cancer, and can take you away from any hell you are in and temporarily place you somewhere else. Further, upon returning from that else, your mind is, if only for a brief moment, clearer and refreshed.
Dad knew what that was like. In his final years, I often wondered why he would go through a stack of books in the blink of an eye. The man read so much that he was on what I called the library honor circuit. You see, there were about four libraries within driving distance of where he and my mother live. Every now and then I would ask him what he was reading and it was always something new. Just about every other time I inquired, he would inform me that he was on the honor books of the next library because the one he had been going to, had nothing more to offer for the moment. He had read every single damn honor book they had. I know for a fact that some of those honor shelves would take up more of two stacks! The closer to the end of his life story he got, the faster he went through those books. 

Now I understand why.

He could hardly breathe and the oxygen was not helping. The threat of the VA to take it away to convince him he did not need it did not help matters any. When dad came for his final visit to our new home, he predicted his own fate....almost to the day. But still he read. He read until he could not do it anymore. Chasing that feeling of accomplishment and of enlightenment only true readers know. Next to his deathbed he had a plastic grocery bag filled with his last round of honor books from the library. One of them "The Old Silent" had his mark in it and his glasses on top. I still have that bag of books. I still have the glasses, "The Old Silent," and that mark is still there.

While I find it hard to read something other than a textbook and my favorite author, Stephen King, I now intend to finish that book for him. I started it right after his passing and I find it quite interesting, but life got in the way. Now that I have finished my book, I will pick this one up. With dad reading over my shoulder.

Why do I say he will be reading over my shoulder? Stephen King calls his die hard fans "constant reader." That is my Dad. He needs to finish that book. Those glasses have since broken, however, I still have mine. It will be through my eyes that "The Old Silent" will provide that enlightenment not only for me but for Daddy who stands constant watch over me, my family, and, yes my Mother.
I love you Daddy. Even the things that come to light from your wisdom now make me proud to be the glimmer that was in your eyes for so long. Yes, he knows. I know too.

Will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? ~Archer, Blood Diamond

I love that movie. I also happen to love quotes that move me so. This movie, Blood Diamond, has one such group of words that really make me think. While I am not much to talk about religion here, it is not that we are speaking of religion when Archer, the character played by Leonardo DiCaprio, utters the following:
"I wonder will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? But then I look around and think; God has left this place a long time ago."
Come on now, does that not make you think just a little bit? For all of the evil in this world, for some people who are in the thick of that, there is always that question, eh? Yes, I know, for the philosophers that I have become acquainted with, there is the whole Good vs. Evil argument and I get that. However, what about reality and not this religious or philosophical plane that many people love to contemplate.
Look at some of these things:
1. child soldiers
2. war
3. communistic and socialist societies
4. hate (be it racial, gender, or just out of plain old fear)
5. distrust
6. need I say more????
It always makes me sad when I see that movie and it makes me think too much. For those of you needing some great bathroom reading material, you should pick up something about purchasing conflict free diamonds versus any other diamond you can walk into the store and purchase. It will open your eyes to something that we, as Americans, are totally against but are feeding into it blindly.
I don't expect you to make every purchase based upon the fact that there was no harm done to anything. We as a species are consumers and there will always be something that is harmed by our consumption. Paper and wood are harming the rainforests. Slaughterhouses supply our need for meat. Farms wipe out treed areas in our own country to supply the fruits and vegetables we need to eat. Diamonds, while very lucrative, enable the slave trade, training of child soldiers, and pitting of people against their own kind simply as a means of survival or to satisfy their own greed.
This does not take into account various other evils that I see mentioned on countless facebook pages every day. Yea, helping one man may not seem to make a difference but its affects are far reaching and nobody ever see's that. However, in our cushy America, we say it every day. "Smile, its contagious!" Not so contagious when you are tramping the jungle just to survive or live another day (so called) free.
Just sit and think about the things you take for granted everyday that people all over the world are fighting for at this very moment. It is not something easy to think about no is it something that would normally consider in our day to day goings.
Tell me, what do you think?

The Pebbles Ripples.

My philosophy friends believe that good cannot exist without evil and vice versa. There is this whole philosophical argument around it. The argument is almost as popular as the "is there really a God" argument. Well, I happen to think that while evil is necessary, the world can do with a little less of it.
Especially true when the evil is fruitless and with no just cause. It is like an invalid argument. C does not result from A or B if they are not doing something that makes C true, therefore, why should C exist at all when D can do the job just as well...or some such nonsense.
I bear witness to this absent C evil a lot. All I can do is shake my head at it because it makes good people look bad and it drags innocent people into a situation that they have no business even knowing anything about in the first place. What snake will go to an orange tree and pluck an orange just to eat when snakes are predators in the first place? That makes no sense at all.
My point is that evil should not exist in abundance when there is not enough good to offset it. That makes no sense either. Remember the lady with the scales you see in a courtroom? It has to balance and without that balance, things begin to happen. Therefore, apparently, bad things are happening and maybe it is the second coming of Christ that everyone has been talking about or the end of the world.
So if all of this is blatantly evident, then why is there not anything done about it? I will explain. There is enough not caring and enough belief that one little act of kindness does not matter. The evil in all of us has beaten out any good there is left. Sure, we do kind deeds everyday but it is so far below the radar of being noticed that it is almost irrelevant that we even do such a thing.
Listen, folks, when someone tells you that one little pebble makes a big difference. If you dont believe me toss one into a still pond. That one little pebble has a ripple effect that eventually touches every square inch of that waters surface. Further, the "plop" sound reverberates through the air to our ears affecting the senses that we heard and seen the pebble hit the water. Underneath the surface, fish scatter and it hits the bottom eventually changing the landscape of the bottom to accomodate the fact that it fell there in the first place. To get even more depth out of the example, gravity is now pulling on that rock to keep it in place and every time a bottom feeder passes, a fish swims quickly nearby, or a plant grows near enough to push it aside, that pebble still has an impact. Also, the place where the pebble was before has left a pebble size space for something else to come along and occupy where it was.
Point being, while there are snakes in all of us, even the good that comes out of us, no matter how small or insignificant can have a positive impact in everything. If everyone were to cast a pebble in some form or fashion and good becomes of it, it grows from there because there is, essentially, more good in the world.
Those of us with children can do the same. So often we go through life too busy to see what is going on through the eyes of our children. STOP take a moment and revel in the wonder that they see the world in. Remember what it was like to stand in awe and truly experience the first sunset you REALLY noticed. I remember mine. I remember that, sometimes, being five is such a small place to be in such a big world and that mommy can make it better. I also try to remember that even though you are 13 or 14, you still need mom from time to time even if it is to talk about absolutely nothing or act silly in public just because. When my children get older (and for the step kids as well) I will try to remember that at 21, the world is not what it was made out to be and that I still need to be there for my kids no matter how awful they are. That, just to sit down, without a phone, television or other distraction and talk about how a lightbulb works will make the difference in their day and that is something that they will remember.
Toss that pebble, make life better, if even for a split second. The reverberations of that pebble last longer than you think. Holding the door for a perfect stranger to pass because they are using a walking stick makes a difference because, while you may not remember, they will.
I once had a lady sit in the booth next to mine in iHop. I was 16. I was miserable and thougth that life was truly the suckiest place to be. She chatted with me about absolutely nothing. The gloss on the menu, why people drive nice cars, and our coffee. She also told me to cast a pebble. She then proceeded to tell me that I will remember her. I may not remember her name and maybe not even what she looks like but I will remember the conversation. Guess what? I dont know her name, I remember brown hair and glasses and that she used her hands alot when she talked but I DID remember the conversation. She cast her pebble in my pond and the fish swim by every now and then and it moves. That is what I remember. Do you have pebbles in your pond? Why not cast some of your own?

An Amazing child

I wonder sometimes. Folks, lets get real. We are raising a generation of AMAZING children. If you do not know the proper definition of that, then you can inbox me or Julie F. We will be more than happy to enlighten. At any rate, children these days get away with so much more than we did and even our parents for that matter.
We spare the rod and spoil the child. No, I do not mean abuse them but if they smart off to you, then they need some consequences. I never thought to yell at my mother (as a child) or hit her or threaten to call the cops on her because she took my phone from me. As far as the phone goes, I had a 50 foot cord that went from the wall to the phone and that thing could follow me out to the sidewalk. However, should I decide to get in trouble or inadvertantly utter a curse word, my lovelt tail had no phone attached to it or she took the whole thing. There were no cell phones and my pc (which I got in the 6th grade) was this mideval dos thing that had one color.....green.
Further, people these days believe they can suck off their parents until they die and get all uppity and ticked off if you believe they have to earn their keep. Peeps, my mother was more than happy to see me go to work and buy my own things. I was more than happy to go. It was the start of me "being grown." I am not entitled to anything in her home and I am a guest there at that point. Sure, I was one of the lucky ones and I did not have to pay anything to the house if I didnt want to but if I wanted something she normally did not buy or wanted to go to a football game or something THAT came out of my pocket and I walked nearly everywhere I had to go. I also stayed in school and graduated and, for the most part, stayed out of trouble.
That is another thing. I see so many people (and the age range is getting younger and younger) getting in trouble these days and doing SERIOUS things! Assault with a deadly weapon, robbery while armed with a weapon...Nothing like the petty "underaged drinking or driving without a licence or trespassing" that we got growing up. No sir, these kids are doing serious crimes. Further, the justice system is doing quirky things to slap them on the wrist. (Topic for another day.)
Honestly, if I was over age 21 and my mother bailed me out of jail and paid my attorney fees and bills for nearly 2 years, don't you think she has the right to ask me to pay some of that back if she gets in a bind. Yes, every mother and father would love to pay for their children like that and not expect to get paid back.......in a vaccuum. However, things are tough and it is not as easy as your parents make it. They keep the fact that bills run about 3000 going out and there is only 2500 coming in EACH MONTH BEFORE GAS AND GROCERIES. (Hypothetical, 4 person family middle income.) At any rate, they make it work and this is where the communication fails. No, I am not saying that you should tell your children ALL your business but you should teach them to be self sufficient and that it is ok to ask mom and dad for help but make sure you return the nicety at some point in the future. They are just as human as you are.
Also, we were taught all about litterbugs and taking care of the planet (and table manners) growing up; do they not teach that anymore in modern homes and preschools? We take care of the planet by recycling and other things of a noble stature, however, I still see children who leave a trail behind them like the only preschool lesson their ever learned was hansel and gretel. Folks, that was breadcrumbs and not trash! Take pride in your own home, your own neighborhood and your planet. It is the only one we have!

Chicken on a skateboard

Look at the title for a moment. Kind of an abstract concept, isn't it? Now consider whether or not it is possible.  Is it?

Of course it is. Our life is filled with rediculous possiblities every day.  Some for better, some for worse. It all depends on what is going on in your life right this second.  If it is a possibility, is it a feasible one at this stage in your life?  Why would you try to achieve this "rediculous imposibility?"

Dreams, folks.  We all have them.  Why else would parents ask their children: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  What happens after that question is what makes or breaks the vision that comes from that statement.  You can either foster that response and believe in it so that it is no longer rediculous but POSSIBLE.  Every poor child can grow to be someone important.  They can leave the oppressed life that they live. They need a good support system.  Even those children with one parent or parents that seemingly do not care, if they have a support system of another family member, a friend, or even the willpower to do it on their own, it is possible.

Take our daughter for example.  Now, we are not downtrodden poor.  On paper, we are in the lowest end of middle class (so I would like to think.) But my husband and I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up.  Her answer?

An artist.

Well.  Nice enough.  Broad enough to encompas many things.  How many we did not know.  She was about to show us what a bohemian artist she will become.  That theme has not changed in her fifteen years on this planet and, at this point, I do not believe it ever will change. Oh sure, the basis has changed....painter, drawer, sculptor, brass musician, costume designer, music producer......dancer.  It has all come and gone and she has shown great potential in every bit of it.  A dancer since seven, draws on almost a daily basis, plays in the band but has self taught many instruments including the piano and violin, she paints everything and (most recently) has been designing clothes unlike anything I have ever seen but they are classy.

What will she be?  Well, I am certain that her talents will get her through college with little or no cost.  That is a great thing.  Therefore, the sky is the limit!  We have never crushed that spirit in her and if you see my family and I out and about, the tall girl tapping in her tennis shoes, that is our bohemian artist.  I love her.  Yea, she is a GREAT football player too.  Like I always say, more talent in one fingernail than most in their whole bodies.  Ok, so I am bragging. But who wouldn't.

The point is, if you see that something puts that spark in your child's eye, no matter how nerve wracking (tap, tap, tappity tap, get the milk, tap) it is, encourage it.  It is only in those circumstances that your child will bloom and grow and have that great life that you envisioned for them.  Yes, tough love, and discipline still. Make sure the grades are good.  Take away the phone for misbehaviour, but let the spark continue.  Many great people were made from one spark.

Let yours explode and make you proud.  Then, when they get on TV or are interviewed, they can look at the camera and go..............................HI MOM! :)