Observations about the blues

I have inexplicably been feeling mighty down over the past couple of months. It is the most painful emotion one can experience other than grief over the loss of a loved one. I have been lucid enough to notice some things and I want to share my observations with you.


Everyone has times where they feel blue for whatever reason. Most of the time, when you are sad, there is a reason behind it and there is a solution forthcoming. When you are truly depressed, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it and you feel like a sloth. Not that you are lazy but it takes great effort and energy just to do ANYTHING other than breathe. If you are lucky enough to talk yourself into doing something, washing the dishes for example, it is an extremely long conversation with yourself that you almost do not win. Reluctantly, you get up to do the task. This can be something that you do every day or something that you have to do (like the dishes) or something that you enjoy doing as part of your routine (I love doing the family laundry.)


Even if you are lucky enough to get started, your follow through has deserted you and you probably wont finish the job. Like I said before, I love to do laundry and usually get it done in one day, amidst the other million things I do around the house. Because I have a big family, it does take about 5-6 loads to do everything and that is when I don't decide to wash the curtains and the beds too. Since I have been depressed, that same 5-6 loads becomes a never ending cycle of load after load after load. I find that I believe myself to have accomplished something when there is a mountain of clothes waiting to be folded (my favorite part) and I just look at it and become overwhelmed and give myself some excuse to walk away. Its. Just. Too. Hard.


So you are inexplicably sad, your follow through is shot all to hell and now the things that you loved to do before are just like....why?  Reading? Out of the question. Writing? You see how much I have done lately. Smiling? THAT hurts too much. Even if it is fake.


No wonder depressed people are so hard to console. Life just sucks and for no reason at all. I mean, my family is fine, job is going great, the bills are paid. My husband is happy. No fighting or arguing. But it hurts to just exist. Ugh.


I do believe, however, I am on the upside of this thing. I have never felt this way for this long before and I am not sure how to approach things. I actually got through 85% of the laundry yesterday before I decided I had done enough. Maybe things are getting better? In the mean time, I sat in my chair and actually cried for no reason. I was getting ready for work and started to bawl like a baby for about 3 minutes. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. No reason, just seemed like the thing to do at the time.


What kinds of things have you noticed when you or someone you know has the blues.


What do YOU think?

WAR....Good God Y'all.

I found myself watching a music video which had used scenes from  the movie Saving Private Ryan.  This video was also set to my favorite song and that may be what has me started on this emotional rant. While watching the video, I found it to be quite graphic and began to imagine how horrible it would be to actually live through something like that.  I am not referring to survivors remorse or PTSD or any other after effects of war but just to have the experience and the images that result from it burned into your memory until you either lose your mind and forget or pass on.

I have never been a fan of war and find it silly that there are people willing to go fight and put their lives on the line for some aristocrat (or politician, if you prefer) that they have never met. All for the sake of “saving the country.”  Are they really doing that or are they pawns in a chess board that these evil leaders have and are being pushed around to see how much chaos they can cause for the peons that depend on them to rule the masses.  It truly is something to think about.  Think about it I have. ALL DAY LONG.  There was some lag time at work and we were sharing YouTube videos to keep each other ‘s momentum for work.  Usually, they are funnies but this particular day it was all music.  Not so interested in what other people listen to, I went on my own and began watching the video I mentioned earlier.  Since then, I have been thinking about this war issue and it is eating away at my very gut because it is a horrible, horrible situation to put people in and they go into these thing so willingly and blindly and come back disturbed, maimed, damaged, dead, or not at all.

Looking at the excerpts from Saving Private Ryan, it was a reference to the D-Day invasion at Normandy.  I am certain the movie creators did their best to depict the raid historically accurate and with the technology available during that particular war, people were watching their team mates and friends blown to bits not even inches away.  That is something I cannot even fathom.  To be in the middle of all that fire and all that destruction; trying to cover your own ass and not get killed yourself and to turn your head and see the person you have become best friends with or the person that “has your back” simply explode into bloody hell has got to be a very sobering experience, no matter how cold hearted you are.

Yet people do it…..every….single….day.

For powers that are who could care less about them as an individual. Only that they are of the masses that are sent to fight a war that likely started off as a spat between two spoiled people with a bit of power underneath them to intimidate and show that they can run things. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Now, for you readers that know my philosophical side must know that I am to touch on the whole good vs. evil argument and the Utility of it all.  Because of the very nature of humans, they have to have some sort of control over things or there would be mass chaos.  They even have to exhibit control over themselves or there would be no such thing as good at all.  Life would be unbearable and mortality would be as close to triple digits as it can get without eradicating the whole species.  So, there must be control and not everyone is a leader.  Those of us who choose to step back and let others do this messy business of being leaders remain the sheep, or the pawns in the chessboard for the ones who WANT and DO lead (yes, not can and are able to because not all leaders can lead and not all leaders are able to lead,) to push around and play their sick little game. I refer to it as a sick little game because when people find themselves in positions of power, they tend to become corrupt and use it for a personal agenda instead for that of the greater good.

We have the evil people in power pushing the “good” people around the chessboard. These good people would continue on with their lives without even knowing that there is a spat going on amongst them in power and would not care in the least about it. HOWEVER, the powerful use the masses to push their agendas of greed and such and it directly affects the masses and they are pushed into the conflict. When that happens, the masses become aware of the powers conflicts and begin to form an opinion of sorts while others simply go off to fight whatever fight they have been sent to fight blindly believing that they are doing something for the greater good.  Maybe it is to protect their own lands but they are away from their homes and families.  In the modern world, that is protecting the home land from afar but at what cost?  Yes, there are horrible bombs and things that are capable of mass destruction but when there are multiple nations involved, what is it really protecting? Sure, we have so called friends and allies that we have agreed to help when they are being bullied by another country but, think about it.

You are fighting in a war because those in power are having an angered dispute about something political or some selfish disagreement has occurred and those people are causing YOU….the insignificant non leaders in the human race to go an risk your lives to watch yourself be horribly disfigured or to watch someone you have come to know as your friend or acquaintance blown to bits right in front of you.  For you to sit there and inhale their blood-spray or to eat a chunk of their flesh as you scream in horror at the atrocities that are going on around you, is unspeakable.  All this mayhem while the political aristocracies are sitting in their big rooms throwing about orders that will get you and your brethren killed. You believe this is the right thing.

Here is something else to think about. Why don’t THEY go out there into some foreign land, wearing countless pounds of warfare regalia and fight amongst themselves to resolve the issues they are spatting about.   Let them spray their  blood on the sands of the beaches and end the wars that way. What then?  Would that fix it or create mass chaos?

What do you think?