Where is my beloved beach?

Most of you know I have been fighting a battle with depression and the jury is still out on which side is going to win. I am vehemently opposed to obtaining medication for this because I believe I can kick its butt on my own. However, sometimes I wonder.

I tried something different yesterday. I made myself get out of the house and go visit an old friend who was in town with her family for the weekend. It was nice to have a grown up conversation with someone who does not live in my home nor is not words on a computer screen. We talked in general about nothing as we watched the beach activity and looked out over the ocean toward the end or the world. While it was horribly hot, it was nice to be outside of my element even if only for a short time. It was great catching up with an old friend. I needed to be at the beach. I love it there. The smell of the ocean air, the sound of the waves and the beauty of the dangerous ocean. It has more power than anyone realizes. I am also trying other things. I am writing via snail mail to my lifelong best friend and it is exciting to wait for the mail and to write back and see how long it takes to get there. That helps too. (Teeny digression there. Yea, you didn’t know that.)

Unfortunately, I cut my visit short because I had hungry children and I knew I had to get home soon. I always have something to do that I will never get done because the inspiration leaves me when I start to see blue. (You know, you see red when you are livid. I see blue when I am down.) I didn’t want Mary to see me like that. So I left. That didn’t help my mood any. Instead of going home the way we came, I decided to give in to the boys request and we walked the beach back toward the house. I am happy to say they had a blast. I just felt worse and worse. I looked out over my beloved ocean and began to think of how the United States and other developed countries constantly send their street run off into the ocean and how dirty that makes the water at the sand’s edge. To watch people freely play in it. Hell, they may as well be playing in ditch water. I also thought about how careless people are in that they don’t take care of my beloved beach. They leave trash everywhere and really do not care that it affects everything. This made me sad because it is yet more evidence of human nature that fails our planet and fails our children. We fail each other as a people.

Then I turn inward and begin to think of personal things. How I used to LOVE the beach more than I do now. How it was a place of solace for me. I could stand at the edge of the tide and feel the waves lapping at my feet. I would look out as far as I could see and imagine falling off the “edge” of the earth and deeply breathe in the salt air and feel at peace. I would feel at home. For a brief moment…I would feel comfortable in my own skin. I would feel comfortable breathing and with Michele. Its almost elation. Once I began to think about how being at the beach used to make me feel. I stopped. I tried to catch that elusive moment of joy.

It eluded me.

The ocean seemed dark. The sky unforgiving. I felt alone.

I had to step back from that. I turned my attention to my boyz who were frolicking in the tied pools and having a blast. No video games, no money being spent for some overinflated attraction that is a disappointment. Just fun with each other and the beach. My beloved beach. That perked me up a little but I was still sad. (OMG did I just break down into tears right now while writing this!?)

We continued our walk down the beach and happened upon a festival that was going on for the day at the board walk. Once we got on the boardwalk, we listened to some music from a concert while we put on our shoes and refilled our water bottle. The band there played “Happy.” Maybe that was the world trying to tell me something. I took that as a sign and put all that mess behind me and we took the street which led to our house. Another sign was that we came across one of our daughter’s friends and he stopped and had a conversation with us. Polite and respectful teenagers always are a breath of better in this horrible world we live in.

Maybe I can beat this. Maybe my beloved beach will come back to me.

What do YOU think?

WAR....Good God Y'all.

I found myself watching a music video which had used scenes from  the movie Saving Private Ryan.  This video was also set to my favorite song and that may be what has me started on this emotional rant. While watching the video, I found it to be quite graphic and began to imagine how horrible it would be to actually live through something like that.  I am not referring to survivors remorse or PTSD or any other after effects of war but just to have the experience and the images that result from it burned into your memory until you either lose your mind and forget or pass on.

I have never been a fan of war and find it silly that there are people willing to go fight and put their lives on the line for some aristocrat (or politician, if you prefer) that they have never met. All for the sake of “saving the country.”  Are they really doing that or are they pawns in a chess board that these evil leaders have and are being pushed around to see how much chaos they can cause for the peons that depend on them to rule the masses.  It truly is something to think about.  Think about it I have. ALL DAY LONG.  There was some lag time at work and we were sharing YouTube videos to keep each other ‘s momentum for work.  Usually, they are funnies but this particular day it was all music.  Not so interested in what other people listen to, I went on my own and began watching the video I mentioned earlier.  Since then, I have been thinking about this war issue and it is eating away at my very gut because it is a horrible, horrible situation to put people in and they go into these thing so willingly and blindly and come back disturbed, maimed, damaged, dead, or not at all.

Looking at the excerpts from Saving Private Ryan, it was a reference to the D-Day invasion at Normandy.  I am certain the movie creators did their best to depict the raid historically accurate and with the technology available during that particular war, people were watching their team mates and friends blown to bits not even inches away.  That is something I cannot even fathom.  To be in the middle of all that fire and all that destruction; trying to cover your own ass and not get killed yourself and to turn your head and see the person you have become best friends with or the person that “has your back” simply explode into bloody hell has got to be a very sobering experience, no matter how cold hearted you are.

Yet people do it…..every….single….day.

For powers that are who could care less about them as an individual. Only that they are of the masses that are sent to fight a war that likely started off as a spat between two spoiled people with a bit of power underneath them to intimidate and show that they can run things. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Now, for you readers that know my philosophical side must know that I am to touch on the whole good vs. evil argument and the Utility of it all.  Because of the very nature of humans, they have to have some sort of control over things or there would be mass chaos.  They even have to exhibit control over themselves or there would be no such thing as good at all.  Life would be unbearable and mortality would be as close to triple digits as it can get without eradicating the whole species.  So, there must be control and not everyone is a leader.  Those of us who choose to step back and let others do this messy business of being leaders remain the sheep, or the pawns in the chessboard for the ones who WANT and DO lead (yes, not can and are able to because not all leaders can lead and not all leaders are able to lead,) to push around and play their sick little game. I refer to it as a sick little game because when people find themselves in positions of power, they tend to become corrupt and use it for a personal agenda instead for that of the greater good.

We have the evil people in power pushing the “good” people around the chessboard. These good people would continue on with their lives without even knowing that there is a spat going on amongst them in power and would not care in the least about it. HOWEVER, the powerful use the masses to push their agendas of greed and such and it directly affects the masses and they are pushed into the conflict. When that happens, the masses become aware of the powers conflicts and begin to form an opinion of sorts while others simply go off to fight whatever fight they have been sent to fight blindly believing that they are doing something for the greater good.  Maybe it is to protect their own lands but they are away from their homes and families.  In the modern world, that is protecting the home land from afar but at what cost?  Yes, there are horrible bombs and things that are capable of mass destruction but when there are multiple nations involved, what is it really protecting? Sure, we have so called friends and allies that we have agreed to help when they are being bullied by another country but, think about it.

You are fighting in a war because those in power are having an angered dispute about something political or some selfish disagreement has occurred and those people are causing YOU….the insignificant non leaders in the human race to go an risk your lives to watch yourself be horribly disfigured or to watch someone you have come to know as your friend or acquaintance blown to bits right in front of you.  For you to sit there and inhale their blood-spray or to eat a chunk of their flesh as you scream in horror at the atrocities that are going on around you, is unspeakable.  All this mayhem while the political aristocracies are sitting in their big rooms throwing about orders that will get you and your brethren killed. You believe this is the right thing.

Here is something else to think about. Why don’t THEY go out there into some foreign land, wearing countless pounds of warfare regalia and fight amongst themselves to resolve the issues they are spatting about.   Let them spray their  blood on the sands of the beaches and end the wars that way. What then?  Would that fix it or create mass chaos?

What do you think?

The Pebbles Ripples.

My philosophy friends believe that good cannot exist without evil and vice versa. There is this whole philosophical argument around it. The argument is almost as popular as the "is there really a God" argument. Well, I happen to think that while evil is necessary, the world can do with a little less of it.
Especially true when the evil is fruitless and with no just cause. It is like an invalid argument. C does not result from A or B if they are not doing something that makes C true, therefore, why should C exist at all when D can do the job just as well...or some such nonsense.
I bear witness to this absent C evil a lot. All I can do is shake my head at it because it makes good people look bad and it drags innocent people into a situation that they have no business even knowing anything about in the first place. What snake will go to an orange tree and pluck an orange just to eat when snakes are predators in the first place? That makes no sense at all.
My point is that evil should not exist in abundance when there is not enough good to offset it. That makes no sense either. Remember the lady with the scales you see in a courtroom? It has to balance and without that balance, things begin to happen. Therefore, apparently, bad things are happening and maybe it is the second coming of Christ that everyone has been talking about or the end of the world.
So if all of this is blatantly evident, then why is there not anything done about it? I will explain. There is enough not caring and enough belief that one little act of kindness does not matter. The evil in all of us has beaten out any good there is left. Sure, we do kind deeds everyday but it is so far below the radar of being noticed that it is almost irrelevant that we even do such a thing.
Listen, folks, when someone tells you that one little pebble makes a big difference. If you dont believe me toss one into a still pond. That one little pebble has a ripple effect that eventually touches every square inch of that waters surface. Further, the "plop" sound reverberates through the air to our ears affecting the senses that we heard and seen the pebble hit the water. Underneath the surface, fish scatter and it hits the bottom eventually changing the landscape of the bottom to accomodate the fact that it fell there in the first place. To get even more depth out of the example, gravity is now pulling on that rock to keep it in place and every time a bottom feeder passes, a fish swims quickly nearby, or a plant grows near enough to push it aside, that pebble still has an impact. Also, the place where the pebble was before has left a pebble size space for something else to come along and occupy where it was.
Point being, while there are snakes in all of us, even the good that comes out of us, no matter how small or insignificant can have a positive impact in everything. If everyone were to cast a pebble in some form or fashion and good becomes of it, it grows from there because there is, essentially, more good in the world.
Those of us with children can do the same. So often we go through life too busy to see what is going on through the eyes of our children. STOP take a moment and revel in the wonder that they see the world in. Remember what it was like to stand in awe and truly experience the first sunset you REALLY noticed. I remember mine. I remember that, sometimes, being five is such a small place to be in such a big world and that mommy can make it better. I also try to remember that even though you are 13 or 14, you still need mom from time to time even if it is to talk about absolutely nothing or act silly in public just because. When my children get older (and for the step kids as well) I will try to remember that at 21, the world is not what it was made out to be and that I still need to be there for my kids no matter how awful they are. That, just to sit down, without a phone, television or other distraction and talk about how a lightbulb works will make the difference in their day and that is something that they will remember.
Toss that pebble, make life better, if even for a split second. The reverberations of that pebble last longer than you think. Holding the door for a perfect stranger to pass because they are using a walking stick makes a difference because, while you may not remember, they will.
I once had a lady sit in the booth next to mine in iHop. I was 16. I was miserable and thougth that life was truly the suckiest place to be. She chatted with me about absolutely nothing. The gloss on the menu, why people drive nice cars, and our coffee. She also told me to cast a pebble. She then proceeded to tell me that I will remember her. I may not remember her name and maybe not even what she looks like but I will remember the conversation. Guess what? I dont know her name, I remember brown hair and glasses and that she used her hands alot when she talked but I DID remember the conversation. She cast her pebble in my pond and the fish swim by every now and then and it moves. That is what I remember. Do you have pebbles in your pond? Why not cast some of your own?

Somewhere there is a tree working tirelessly....

I was watching House, MD the other day and heard one of his brilliant witicisms (such a word?) and thought I would share. (While it may not be verbatim, you get the point:)
"Somewhere there is a tree, working tirelessly so that you can breathe. You owe that tree an apology."
BRILLIANT! I love the humor that comes from that sarcastic, pill junkie of a doctor. Even if he is only real in TV Land. I know many people who owe trees an apology simply for existing. I wonder how the world would be if we had to each take our own tree through life every day. Much like a shadow, it would be a permenant appendage to our being. What would people do if they knew that if they mistreat the priviledge, their tree would wither and die.
With that, I am sure we would be able to see what kind of people we would be dealing with in advance of actually meeting them, eh? Yea, lets skip the fact that humans are humans and some will have miracle grow or some such crap in their pockets to make their tree look better than what it really is. No, I mean that it is a true measure of the nature of the human that has to maintain it. I know many of you could even look out your front door and count how many would have a pitiful thing for a tree. What makes this proposal more intriguing is that, the worse you are as a person, the harder it will be for you to breathe. Therefore, you must treat people nice and respectfully or you will die with said tree.
Does this lead to less crime, betrayal, and quite possibly a utopian society? Not so sure because as mentioned earlier, miracle grow or similar will play a role as humans are highly intelligent individuals and will find some way to cheat that which is natural. I mean, we have already cloned ourselves, right?
All aside, just remember, trees are bringers of life and death. (Do you ever see something grow in the constant shadow of a tree? ONLY if there is one ray of sunshine there.) They do not discriminate nor do they wage war upon one another. They plant roots and have a constant presence and do not bounce around from place to place. They have communities and take care of this planet. They are not harbringers of destruction, chaos, and violence like it is in the nature of human.
Remember, the next time you choose to bring evil to someone by your actions or words. Make sure that there are no trees out there that you owe an apology to. Right now we are so busy apologizing to these trees for the acts of others we forget the one that our own shadow needs to get a break from the blazing sun sometimes. Don't let yours wither. Give it life and let it grow....

An Amazing child

I wonder sometimes. Folks, lets get real. We are raising a generation of AMAZING children. If you do not know the proper definition of that, then you can inbox me or Julie F. We will be more than happy to enlighten. At any rate, children these days get away with so much more than we did and even our parents for that matter.
We spare the rod and spoil the child. No, I do not mean abuse them but if they smart off to you, then they need some consequences. I never thought to yell at my mother (as a child) or hit her or threaten to call the cops on her because she took my phone from me. As far as the phone goes, I had a 50 foot cord that went from the wall to the phone and that thing could follow me out to the sidewalk. However, should I decide to get in trouble or inadvertantly utter a curse word, my lovelt tail had no phone attached to it or she took the whole thing. There were no cell phones and my pc (which I got in the 6th grade) was this mideval dos thing that had one color.....green.
Further, people these days believe they can suck off their parents until they die and get all uppity and ticked off if you believe they have to earn their keep. Peeps, my mother was more than happy to see me go to work and buy my own things. I was more than happy to go. It was the start of me "being grown." I am not entitled to anything in her home and I am a guest there at that point. Sure, I was one of the lucky ones and I did not have to pay anything to the house if I didnt want to but if I wanted something she normally did not buy or wanted to go to a football game or something THAT came out of my pocket and I walked nearly everywhere I had to go. I also stayed in school and graduated and, for the most part, stayed out of trouble.
That is another thing. I see so many people (and the age range is getting younger and younger) getting in trouble these days and doing SERIOUS things! Assault with a deadly weapon, robbery while armed with a weapon...Nothing like the petty "underaged drinking or driving without a licence or trespassing" that we got growing up. No sir, these kids are doing serious crimes. Further, the justice system is doing quirky things to slap them on the wrist. (Topic for another day.)
Honestly, if I was over age 21 and my mother bailed me out of jail and paid my attorney fees and bills for nearly 2 years, don't you think she has the right to ask me to pay some of that back if she gets in a bind. Yes, every mother and father would love to pay for their children like that and not expect to get paid back.......in a vaccuum. However, things are tough and it is not as easy as your parents make it. They keep the fact that bills run about 3000 going out and there is only 2500 coming in EACH MONTH BEFORE GAS AND GROCERIES. (Hypothetical, 4 person family middle income.) At any rate, they make it work and this is where the communication fails. No, I am not saying that you should tell your children ALL your business but you should teach them to be self sufficient and that it is ok to ask mom and dad for help but make sure you return the nicety at some point in the future. They are just as human as you are.
Also, we were taught all about litterbugs and taking care of the planet (and table manners) growing up; do they not teach that anymore in modern homes and preschools? We take care of the planet by recycling and other things of a noble stature, however, I still see children who leave a trail behind them like the only preschool lesson their ever learned was hansel and gretel. Folks, that was breadcrumbs and not trash! Take pride in your own home, your own neighborhood and your planet. It is the only one we have!

Does Utilitarianism require that your units of happiness are fulfilled?

Utilitarianism in its most basic form is the greatest amount of happines for the greater good. Defined in units of happiness, basically: the more the merrier. It is based solely on actions and their outcomes. What happens if there is no happiness and no matter the act, no utility becomes of it. What then?

Does that mean that, we are utility empty? I will admit I did take a few philosophy classes and while the concepts still seem abstract, I did catch the basics (or so I thought I did.) Ok. Lets take an example:

One of the problems I remember in the discussion of utility was the subject of capital punishment. While taking the life of someone as punishment is a bit harsh, it does take from the total utility of the world, does it not? Well, you are reducing the units of happiness from the person in the electric chair because the KNOW they are going to die a horrible death. No utility in his corner at all. You are also taking from the utility of the family of the convicted. They are heartbroken by losing their son, brother, cousin, uncle, parent, whatever. While this convict may not be the best person in the world (innocence project aside, lets say he did it, end of story) he was still someone's family member, no matter what. Lost utility for many years to come. Everytime a family member or close friend thinks back upon this person, lost utility units right there. Further, the people who have to do this deed are supposed to be good people, after all, we do not hire convicts and killers and psychopaths to run prisons and be baliffs, guards, etc. They have GOT to lose some of their utility in participating in the act of the capital punishment. Bottome line, lots of lost utility. No doubt.

Conversely.......

The streets are rid of a (possibly) career criminal, the jails are not supporting this convict and the families this person has affected in a bad way (good vs evil argument here?) are happy that he is getting his just desserts. So, where do the scales balance? Well, we have to sacrifice the one for the greater good of the group. Therefore, the sacrifice of the one makes the utility of the whole group better....so the argument goes.

Now, lets think about a totally different scenario but the same basic concept. You have a group of people on an island. In order for the most people to survive and be comfortable, one of them has to be pushed into the pirahna infested waters that surround the island. Due to the ritual involved, it has to be done in such a way that the person pushed into the waters shall perish lest the pirhana god come and devour them all. (Island religion, go figure.) They use the concept of utility to choose the member to be "discarded." While all of them are equal otherwise, how is that you would choose one when all are equal contributing members to the society? Should it be the weakest? The oldest? The youngest? What would you do in this situation?

Were it your family, what choice would that be? Difficult? Yes. For me, I would not want that burden. However, a choice has to be made or everyone will be reduced to zero units of happiness due to the peril of the whole group. While I am very thankful that choices like that are not made in my little corner of the universe, there have been societies that have had to make life or death choices for survival and if you look at the very core of what those choices were, I am certain you can find utility played a part in them.

Off my soapbox now, what are your opinions on utility and what do you attribute to the greatest happiness for the greatest good?

(Sorry folks, random tags so I can generate some discussion here.)