That is a life changer

Someone said something to me that was not very nice. About a month ago, someone who must not like life bumped into me and called me a fat bitch. I'm not sure why this struck a cord with me but, it enabled me to try and learn to love myself more ad well as make a life change.

I didn't want this to be a fad for me or somerhing I focused on for just a few days. It has been about a month and I think the next month is going to be easier. I decided I no longer wanted to be this way. I started out by doing simple desk exercises.  I spend a great deal of time at work and my job is such that I can do these exercises while working. If there ever was a day that I missed, my body let me know because I felt bad when I clocked out. I made a conscious effort to do something everyday. As time went on, I started making an effort to be more active outside of work as well as counting calories and watching what I eat.

My work is also helping me. We actually have a wellness program. The lady who runs it is great. She celebrates transformations and hold virtual exercise classes throughout the day. While I do not participate in the classes or provide much feedback, the community she has created inspired me. To hold myself accountable and seeking support outside of my home, I told her and the wellness community what my goals were. The response was very supportive and inspiring. It helps me keep chugging along. I need oodles of push and support or I will fail at this. I don't want to fail.

Something new for me is that I downloaded an app to my phone. I am not a big fan of apps or programs where you log everything and are provided advise based on your goals, but, I really like this app right now.  I've only had it for two days. We will see what is going to happen. The plan is to keep these things in place for at least a month and see how it goes. I know I preach baby steps and doing things one at a time. I know I have made a bunch of small changes almost at once. Let's see if this will work better than anything I have ever tried before.

I have big goals and little goals. I will keep the big ones to myself. I will tell you that I am sleeping better and feeling better. I have a couple of things that are not as tight as they used to be. I like that. Hopefully more to follow. I am going to try and stay away from scales until the end of summer. In the past, the numbers on the scale were a focal point. It should not be. What needs to be the focus is feeling better, being more active, and living better. Then make it a habit. The theory is the rest will follow. To be honest, I just want to LOOK better. Weight does not matter at this point.

Anither thing unexpectedly happened. Number Eight has hopped on board. He watched me do one of my cardio workouts with weights one evening. The next day, he reminded me I needed to work out. Were it not for him, I would have missed that day. Now I seek his input on the workouts. It's fun for us both!

I do know that weighing less will be better for me but I am not focusing on that at this point.

At least not out loud.

What do YOU think?

To breathe or not to breathe, that is the question.

I dont get it. How in the world to people of the large persuasion do it!  I am (on paper) considerably overweight.  While I do not look very large, I am a little thick.  I just don't understand how people who are like DAYUM! (Yea, according to the comedian Fluffy, big like that.) breathe, move, and even just stay healthy.

Here I am in a situation where I feel just as crappy as I did when I was smoking only five (yes 1/4 of a pack for you mathematicians) cigarettes a day.  When I breathe, it seems that my nose will randomly shut off for a moment and I have to sputter or skip a breath just to get back right.  I can hear myself breathe and it is embarassing to know that I can take a 99 cent muffin mix, mix it up, bake it in the bowl I mix it in and eat the ENTIRE THING!  That cannot be healthy.

I also have found that it is easier to plan to do something then to get up off my lazy rumpus and do it. BAD BAD Cheley.  Lets not get into that habit.  When I finally do get up to do something, I feel good about it and think to myself, well, I should do this more often because it makes me feel better.

However, I believe that the one thing that I need to do is to actually FORCE myself to eat right.  If I can do that, then that is the step in the right direction.  I do note that there are so many factors that make me just want to eat whatever makes me feel good at the moment.  There are drawbacks here to cuz, it may feel good when I eat it but boy do I sure feel like crapola when I am done. The guilt, the should haves, the regret. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I am not looking to get the fabulous body I had at 18 that I hated anyway.  I just want to get rid of about 60 pounds ideally.  Then I would be about a buck thirty and I would probably feel a whole lot better! Even if I could get 20 I think I would feel better.  I am so tired of waking in the middle of the night to turn over or to "wake up" an appendage that fell asleep.  Nobody is supposed to have tingly limbs all the damn time!  That happens when you are chillen on the couch while your leg is curled under you. NOT because you happen to be sitting there minding your own damn business.  Lets get real.  Being of the larger persuasion is no fun!

I am not knocking those that choose to live this way or have found themselves the victim of a doctor with a sense of humor. (You know those medications with steroids in them that blow you up like a ballon.)  No, if you so chose to be large and in charge, then that is your business and I am not forcing my opinion on you. I am talking about myself. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.  I was almost there about nine or ten years ago when number nine was a baby.

Not anymore and I want out of this place!  Yea, my soul has a lot more room to bounce around in this body because of the size pants I wear but I am miserable! 

I wrote this because I took a walk today and have decided that because my hours have been slated back due to the slow season, I may try to go back to walking to see if it will help me lose at least the first 20 that I am so desperately trying to shed.  I will be able to run with my boys more, and do more in general.

What do you think? Are you with me? Any suggestions?

My new hobby.

Back in January, I decided I was going to try something new. I had found out last year about this free program at the local recreation center. It was free so, what did I have to lose? Some poundage of course!!!! Yes, you heard me all of you new year's resolution defecters! It is called choose to lose and I chose it because it meant free use of the recreation center. Exercise classes, the pool, cardio machines and the weight room. Oh joy! It actually was a lot less of a chore than I thought it would be. I have always been OCD about following through with stuff and so far, I have toughed it out. We are past the halfway point with this thing but I am dismayed at my progress. I have always been a major fan of changing things a little at a time and making those changes a habit. That is the only way to make things stick. Once they become a habit, then you change things a little more. The older you get, the harder it is to change stuff. So, I bite the bullet and I do that. Well, I am guilty about not changing my desctructive junk food addiction but I HAVE cut it down from 3 cups of coffee a day to one and a half and I have reduced my soda intake. I try more for real juice and milk and that wonderful water. I am getting better but that will take some time. Caffine has a hold on me that is more like a bear trap on the ankle of a raccoon! However, I have done the exercize three times a week. One of those times includes a visit to the weight room. I am constantly reminded at the weigh ins that weight training is great at improving balance. We all know I need more of that! It also makes me feel better about how I look.

I have major self esteem issues and the putting on the pounds was not fashionably sensible for a girl like me. Then I discovered what has become like an old friend: the treadmill. It is not a class where someone is barking orders at me for an hour and I have no control. I dont have to worry about being grossed out about slimy showers and gooey hairballs in the locker rooms after a swim. I also dont have to worry about sweaty germs on all of the machines and I can just...go. I can read a book when I am not over 3.2 miles per hour and I can control how long and how fast I go. Also, it makes me feel good. I sweat out all the impurities and it is a great stress reliever. AND, to YKW's delight, it has made me more....you know.

I thought for quite a few years that I would never see my legs back to the way I had always been so proud and my butt is beginning to rise off the floor. I like the weight room too cuz it is making me feel better about my upper body as well.

The people at the recreation center that I have my weigh ins at have given me the name "The Treadmill Lady." I love it. I will most definitely live up to that as my hunny got me one for Return Day! (Yes, it is against our religion to celebrate Valentines day, so we celebreate Return Day--The day the tax returns come back!!!!! Hehehehehehe.) I was absolutely thrilled! I am so on it!

As far as the poundage goes, due to the fact that I am a junkaholic, I am sad to say that in week 7, I am only at 3.25 pounds lost. Not to worry! My hunny has contributed to the cause and I will soon be reaching my next goal of a total of 6 pounds! All without leaving my home!!!! My ultimate goal will be at least 15 pounds if not more by the end of the 12 weeks. I dont want to push it ya know. Below is a picture of my new hobby! See, I am even getting some serious reading time in. Thank you Calvin, you are the BEST!!!!