That is a life changer

Someone said something to me that was not very nice. About a month ago, someone who must not like life bumped into me and called me a fat bitch. I'm not sure why this struck a cord with me but, it enabled me to try and learn to love myself more ad well as make a life change.

I didn't want this to be a fad for me or somerhing I focused on for just a few days. It has been about a month and I think the next month is going to be easier. I decided I no longer wanted to be this way. I started out by doing simple desk exercises.  I spend a great deal of time at work and my job is such that I can do these exercises while working. If there ever was a day that I missed, my body let me know because I felt bad when I clocked out. I made a conscious effort to do something everyday. As time went on, I started making an effort to be more active outside of work as well as counting calories and watching what I eat.

My work is also helping me. We actually have a wellness program. The lady who runs it is great. She celebrates transformations and hold virtual exercise classes throughout the day. While I do not participate in the classes or provide much feedback, the community she has created inspired me. To hold myself accountable and seeking support outside of my home, I told her and the wellness community what my goals were. The response was very supportive and inspiring. It helps me keep chugging along. I need oodles of push and support or I will fail at this. I don't want to fail.

Something new for me is that I downloaded an app to my phone. I am not a big fan of apps or programs where you log everything and are provided advise based on your goals, but, I really like this app right now.  I've only had it for two days. We will see what is going to happen. The plan is to keep these things in place for at least a month and see how it goes. I know I preach baby steps and doing things one at a time. I know I have made a bunch of small changes almost at once. Let's see if this will work better than anything I have ever tried before.

I have big goals and little goals. I will keep the big ones to myself. I will tell you that I am sleeping better and feeling better. I have a couple of things that are not as tight as they used to be. I like that. Hopefully more to follow. I am going to try and stay away from scales until the end of summer. In the past, the numbers on the scale were a focal point. It should not be. What needs to be the focus is feeling better, being more active, and living better. Then make it a habit. The theory is the rest will follow. To be honest, I just want to LOOK better. Weight does not matter at this point.

Anither thing unexpectedly happened. Number Eight has hopped on board. He watched me do one of my cardio workouts with weights one evening. The next day, he reminded me I needed to work out. Were it not for him, I would have missed that day. Now I seek his input on the workouts. It's fun for us both!

I do know that weighing less will be better for me but I am not focusing on that at this point.

At least not out loud.

What do YOU think?

Yea, I cheat and vaccuum the linoleum.

My house is lived in. No, I don't mean lived in like there is stuff everywhere or anything like that. You can just tell we spend a lot of time at home and get our money's worth out of this mortgage. (Yess!!!!) Well, this means I can do cleaning projects at my perogative because I no longer have to worry about the landlord coming for a suprise inspection or there is some appointment for the fix it guy cus WE are the fix it guys. (Unless of course I flood the house, then THAT is something on a wholly different plane!) Yea, I'll clean it.

You all have seen my random 'Im so proud I got my spring cleaning done in the dead of winter' posts. I shampoo carpets on a regular basis, I pull my own teeth (not literally) and scrub the bathroom baseboards every now and again. I clean the blinds and the ceiling fans on a regular. Yes, I get 'er done. However, in the routine of things...I must admit...I cheat.

Every time I vaccuum, I notice things that need my attention. I need to dust the tredmill (when I don't use it much) or the teenage room needs a good sweep and mop. WAIT! I will vaccuum it and it won't look so bad! Woot! When I close the windows after a nice day of airing out the stale air from the house, I have (on occasion) wiped the dust from the sill with my fingers and wiped a lovely hand print across my jeans. These are my cleaning jeans so, it doesn't matter. Finally, while I like to dust the old fashioned way, I can attest to the truthfulness of a swiffer duster. I, too, have experienced the elation of finishing a dusting job a whole hella lot earlier than I expected and not knowing what to do with myself afterward. Heck, I took a nap, you KNOW that!

Yea, so sometimes I vaccuum the linoleum. The whole purpose of a vaccuum is to suck up loose dirt that is lighter than anything I can imagine and transport it to a recepticle that has the intent of being dumped into a larger wastebasket. Eventually this larger one goes to a dump somewhere and biodegrades only to end up as dirt in someone elses home years and years from now. (You guessed it! There is the digression!)

Dear readers, so long as you maintain your home and it is relatively clean. It does not have to be immaculate like my sisters homes have a tendency to be. (Some of us work very hard and have a half a football team to raise and not just one child to raise or are blissfully unemployed.) DISCLAIMER: Any relation to persons real or fake in regards to the last statement is purely unintentional and not meant to point the finger at anyone nor is sarcasm intended. END OF DISCLAIMER. But cleanliness is in the eye of the beholder and I can assure you, if it means anything to you, you are more discriminatory at your own cleaning skills than others are. Just keep the place picked up.

The Pebbles Ripples.

My philosophy friends believe that good cannot exist without evil and vice versa. There is this whole philosophical argument around it. The argument is almost as popular as the "is there really a God" argument. Well, I happen to think that while evil is necessary, the world can do with a little less of it.
Especially true when the evil is fruitless and with no just cause. It is like an invalid argument. C does not result from A or B if they are not doing something that makes C true, therefore, why should C exist at all when D can do the job just as well...or some such nonsense.
I bear witness to this absent C evil a lot. All I can do is shake my head at it because it makes good people look bad and it drags innocent people into a situation that they have no business even knowing anything about in the first place. What snake will go to an orange tree and pluck an orange just to eat when snakes are predators in the first place? That makes no sense at all.
My point is that evil should not exist in abundance when there is not enough good to offset it. That makes no sense either. Remember the lady with the scales you see in a courtroom? It has to balance and without that balance, things begin to happen. Therefore, apparently, bad things are happening and maybe it is the second coming of Christ that everyone has been talking about or the end of the world.
So if all of this is blatantly evident, then why is there not anything done about it? I will explain. There is enough not caring and enough belief that one little act of kindness does not matter. The evil in all of us has beaten out any good there is left. Sure, we do kind deeds everyday but it is so far below the radar of being noticed that it is almost irrelevant that we even do such a thing.
Listen, folks, when someone tells you that one little pebble makes a big difference. If you dont believe me toss one into a still pond. That one little pebble has a ripple effect that eventually touches every square inch of that waters surface. Further, the "plop" sound reverberates through the air to our ears affecting the senses that we heard and seen the pebble hit the water. Underneath the surface, fish scatter and it hits the bottom eventually changing the landscape of the bottom to accomodate the fact that it fell there in the first place. To get even more depth out of the example, gravity is now pulling on that rock to keep it in place and every time a bottom feeder passes, a fish swims quickly nearby, or a plant grows near enough to push it aside, that pebble still has an impact. Also, the place where the pebble was before has left a pebble size space for something else to come along and occupy where it was.
Point being, while there are snakes in all of us, even the good that comes out of us, no matter how small or insignificant can have a positive impact in everything. If everyone were to cast a pebble in some form or fashion and good becomes of it, it grows from there because there is, essentially, more good in the world.
Those of us with children can do the same. So often we go through life too busy to see what is going on through the eyes of our children. STOP take a moment and revel in the wonder that they see the world in. Remember what it was like to stand in awe and truly experience the first sunset you REALLY noticed. I remember mine. I remember that, sometimes, being five is such a small place to be in such a big world and that mommy can make it better. I also try to remember that even though you are 13 or 14, you still need mom from time to time even if it is to talk about absolutely nothing or act silly in public just because. When my children get older (and for the step kids as well) I will try to remember that at 21, the world is not what it was made out to be and that I still need to be there for my kids no matter how awful they are. That, just to sit down, without a phone, television or other distraction and talk about how a lightbulb works will make the difference in their day and that is something that they will remember.
Toss that pebble, make life better, if even for a split second. The reverberations of that pebble last longer than you think. Holding the door for a perfect stranger to pass because they are using a walking stick makes a difference because, while you may not remember, they will.
I once had a lady sit in the booth next to mine in iHop. I was 16. I was miserable and thougth that life was truly the suckiest place to be. She chatted with me about absolutely nothing. The gloss on the menu, why people drive nice cars, and our coffee. She also told me to cast a pebble. She then proceeded to tell me that I will remember her. I may not remember her name and maybe not even what she looks like but I will remember the conversation. Guess what? I dont know her name, I remember brown hair and glasses and that she used her hands alot when she talked but I DID remember the conversation. She cast her pebble in my pond and the fish swim by every now and then and it moves. That is what I remember. Do you have pebbles in your pond? Why not cast some of your own?

Somewhere there is a tree working tirelessly....

I was watching House, MD the other day and heard one of his brilliant witicisms (such a word?) and thought I would share. (While it may not be verbatim, you get the point:)
"Somewhere there is a tree, working tirelessly so that you can breathe. You owe that tree an apology."
BRILLIANT! I love the humor that comes from that sarcastic, pill junkie of a doctor. Even if he is only real in TV Land. I know many people who owe trees an apology simply for existing. I wonder how the world would be if we had to each take our own tree through life every day. Much like a shadow, it would be a permenant appendage to our being. What would people do if they knew that if they mistreat the priviledge, their tree would wither and die.
With that, I am sure we would be able to see what kind of people we would be dealing with in advance of actually meeting them, eh? Yea, lets skip the fact that humans are humans and some will have miracle grow or some such crap in their pockets to make their tree look better than what it really is. No, I mean that it is a true measure of the nature of the human that has to maintain it. I know many of you could even look out your front door and count how many would have a pitiful thing for a tree. What makes this proposal more intriguing is that, the worse you are as a person, the harder it will be for you to breathe. Therefore, you must treat people nice and respectfully or you will die with said tree.
Does this lead to less crime, betrayal, and quite possibly a utopian society? Not so sure because as mentioned earlier, miracle grow or similar will play a role as humans are highly intelligent individuals and will find some way to cheat that which is natural. I mean, we have already cloned ourselves, right?
All aside, just remember, trees are bringers of life and death. (Do you ever see something grow in the constant shadow of a tree? ONLY if there is one ray of sunshine there.) They do not discriminate nor do they wage war upon one another. They plant roots and have a constant presence and do not bounce around from place to place. They have communities and take care of this planet. They are not harbringers of destruction, chaos, and violence like it is in the nature of human.
Remember, the next time you choose to bring evil to someone by your actions or words. Make sure that there are no trees out there that you owe an apology to. Right now we are so busy apologizing to these trees for the acts of others we forget the one that our own shadow needs to get a break from the blazing sun sometimes. Don't let yours wither. Give it life and let it grow....

Never underestimate the power of the handicapped....parking spot!

Ok, I know I am going to get some flack here. Especially from my friend J. It was suggested to write about the abuse of the handicap parking spots.
To begin with, I do believe that you MUST have a handicap sticker/plate/placard in order to park in designated parking spots. It is the law and you must abide by such. Period. No questions asked. It is that black and white folks. Should you be arrogant enough to park in said spot then, yes, you deserve what you get. I am not going to argue with that. I will also not argue with the fact that there are genuine needs for such a spot and there are people who legitimately get these permits to park in the handicap parking spots. Now, mind you, simply because you have a permit, does not mean that the handicapped parking spots are closest to the door. I do often hear those with such a priviledge complain that they have to park at the end of the sidewalk, 2 doors down from their destination simply to use the priviledge they have. WELLLLLLLLLLLLL it is because, those types of spots were not only meant for the person hobbling on a cane because they still have minimal use of their knees and choose to walk. No Sir. They were initially meant for those of us who are in wheelchairs and choose to be self sufficient and drive. THAT IS WHY THEY SYMBOL IS A WHEELCHAIR FOLKS!
At any rate, I believe the suggestion excludes those wheelchair folks. No discrimination against a protected class of folks in this rant. Actually, it is protecting them....to a point. What I am getting at is that if you have a permit to park there, and you are walking just fine, some people may take that offensive. You have a permit and you "look" fine. Well, therein lies a dilemma. When you see someone with a permit, they may look fine but they still may have a true need for such a permit. For example, my mother has a permenant need for one. She has a bad back and is not able to walk long distances. Some days are better than others and she may walk upright and normal looking. This does not mean that she does not have a certified need. Excuse her for not fitting your stereotypical image of what you have in mind for someone that has a qualified need for a handicapped sticker.
Now, there are times when there is an opportunity for someone to use a legitimate permit even though they have no medical necessity for one. Here is my confession and I have witness that I have done such a thing. I am sad to say that I have, on occasion, used my mother's handicapped placard when she has not been with me. One such trip, she had left it in my car and I had just had our Alyssa. Yes, I was fresh out of the hospital and no, I had no need for one because I could have just as easily found a close spot and walked in to the store. However, the permit was there and there were more than one handicapped spot open. Had there been only one open, I would not have considered it because I DO have at least 2 scrupels in my back pocket. (Now what happens AFTER I go into the store, there is no control over and I cannot help it if there are none when I return to my car.)
Also (here is where J will get me...) I have had my mother come to the beach for a visit and leaver her permit here. While I do offer to mail it back to her, she is my mother and she always has a back up. (At least then she did cuz Dad had one too.) She said to hold on to it until she returns on another visit. WELL....it IS there and it is a shame not to use it because she DOES pay extra to have one. Why not get her money's worth? Yes, I make sure there is more than one handicapped parking spot open when I have used it and I did not use it exclusively in her absence. I do like to walk and I only did it when I was feeling ill or in a hurry and could not find another one.
That is a true abuse of it and I admit that I am not perfect. Remember, I said I only had 2 scrupels in my pocket. :)
However, there are people who simply do not care and will park in such a spot simply because they can. Um, Karma will get you if there is not a cop on a tenspeed writing you a ticket as you abuse the many handicapped parkingspots that are available for those with a true need for it. Remember, it is a priviledge and you should treat it as such.
Alas, I have confessed to a discretion that I should not have done and believe that, because my secret is now public, the only time I will use my mother's permit is if she is around. Next time, I will also mail it to her immediately to prevent the fact that my scrupels allow for me to do such a dastardly deed. Thank you, Kat, for setting me on the right path and assisting me in correcting my evil ways.
Certainly when you have 2 people (Julie, I am talking about you AND Kat) give you chit about something that you do only about 5(ish) times in your life that you should not do because it is affecting a protected class of people (and it makes you a hippocrite) you should change.
On this bright, sunshiny morning...I HAVE changed. :) (Er....uh...*swipes at sand with big toe while hands folded behind back* for now....insert big grin here.)

My new hobby.

Back in January, I decided I was going to try something new. I had found out last year about this free program at the local recreation center. It was free so, what did I have to lose? Some poundage of course!!!! Yes, you heard me all of you new year's resolution defecters! It is called choose to lose and I chose it because it meant free use of the recreation center. Exercise classes, the pool, cardio machines and the weight room. Oh joy! It actually was a lot less of a chore than I thought it would be. I have always been OCD about following through with stuff and so far, I have toughed it out. We are past the halfway point with this thing but I am dismayed at my progress. I have always been a major fan of changing things a little at a time and making those changes a habit. That is the only way to make things stick. Once they become a habit, then you change things a little more. The older you get, the harder it is to change stuff. So, I bite the bullet and I do that. Well, I am guilty about not changing my desctructive junk food addiction but I HAVE cut it down from 3 cups of coffee a day to one and a half and I have reduced my soda intake. I try more for real juice and milk and that wonderful water. I am getting better but that will take some time. Caffine has a hold on me that is more like a bear trap on the ankle of a raccoon! However, I have done the exercize three times a week. One of those times includes a visit to the weight room. I am constantly reminded at the weigh ins that weight training is great at improving balance. We all know I need more of that! It also makes me feel better about how I look.

I have major self esteem issues and the putting on the pounds was not fashionably sensible for a girl like me. Then I discovered what has become like an old friend: the treadmill. It is not a class where someone is barking orders at me for an hour and I have no control. I dont have to worry about being grossed out about slimy showers and gooey hairballs in the locker rooms after a swim. I also dont have to worry about sweaty germs on all of the machines and I can just...go. I can read a book when I am not over 3.2 miles per hour and I can control how long and how fast I go. Also, it makes me feel good. I sweat out all the impurities and it is a great stress reliever. AND, to YKW's delight, it has made me more....you know.

I thought for quite a few years that I would never see my legs back to the way I had always been so proud and my butt is beginning to rise off the floor. I like the weight room too cuz it is making me feel better about my upper body as well.

The people at the recreation center that I have my weigh ins at have given me the name "The Treadmill Lady." I love it. I will most definitely live up to that as my hunny got me one for Return Day! (Yes, it is against our religion to celebrate Valentines day, so we celebreate Return Day--The day the tax returns come back!!!!! Hehehehehehe.) I was absolutely thrilled! I am so on it!

As far as the poundage goes, due to the fact that I am a junkaholic, I am sad to say that in week 7, I am only at 3.25 pounds lost. Not to worry! My hunny has contributed to the cause and I will soon be reaching my next goal of a total of 6 pounds! All without leaving my home!!!! My ultimate goal will be at least 15 pounds if not more by the end of the 12 weeks. I dont want to push it ya know. Below is a picture of my new hobby! See, I am even getting some serious reading time in. Thank you Calvin, you are the BEST!!!!