Sesame street got me to thinking.

 I just sat down and my little desk racking my brain.  I had a severe case of writers block this morning. I had to take the day off because of an ill child. (Not a happy day for my pockets.) I came across a post from a Lawyer I am acquainted with and it made me think a little bit. (Ugh, and I have only had TWO SIPS of coffee.  Ya, I had to turn the fan on from all the smoke.)  At any rate, it is pretty sad that we have to add a new muppet to teach children about how to deal with and talk about incarceration.  Yes, it does rank right up there on the "that sucks" ladder with death and divorce when a child has to deal with a parent being locked up.) 

Viewing that post made me think about a time when I had to teach a group of girl scouts about divorce and being a step parent.  I actually got thrown into that discussion and was caught quite off guard. I had went on a weekend camping trip with out oldest girl and about 60 other third, fourth, and fifth graders.  While I loved to tromp through the woods, many of us were quite worn out by the end of the first day.  We did a scavenger hunt on the grounds of the camping area. When we were all hunknering down in our sleeping bags on the floor of the cabin, I chose a great place where I could sleep up against the door. Strategically chosen so as to be quickly ruffled when an intruder decided to open the door.  Looking back, I guess that was the perfect place for me should I have chosen to bolt when one amazing child decided me to ask a doozy of a life question.

This lovely little girl looked me square and said "How come you are here and her mother isn't? (As she points to our oldest child.)"  O.O  I wanted to run at that point because it did not occur to me that every single child that was in that room had BOTH of their parents still and I was a step mom. As I scanned the room, every single set of eyes was upon me awaiting my response. This included the half dozen other moms that were accompanying their respective children on the trip.  In hindsight, this was one of the first of many obstacles of being a step parent that no body tells you about or mentions when you read the accompanying pamphlets advising you of what you should and should not do.

Being the child that I was, I took this and went with it instead of being mortified.  After my initial shock at such a question, I talked only to the child who had the query but spoke loud enough for every one to hear.  I began to explain to her that sometimes, mommies and daddies are not happy together and that they have to move on or separate and live apart.  I went on to explain that while some mommies and daddies do not live together anymore, they are still mommies and daddies and that they do not love or want their kiddoes any less than before.  It was like story time because everyone remained silent until that one little girl was satisfied with my explanation.   I told of how they make separate lives but still want to include their children and how there are now two houses that most children have.  Kind of like having two rooms and two separate sets of stuff.  I even told her the ones that really have their childrens feelings in their mind all the time, even get along better when they are living apart because they do not want to fight all the time in front of their kids.  Sort of like best friends who are not best friends anymore but just ok friends.  I explained also how important it was in our situation for me and Anessa's mom to get along and that she could not make it cuz she had to work so I was like the "substitute teacher" that everyone likes.

That little girl finally had a lightbulb moment and said "OK! I get it now!  You are still a great mom!  Even if you are not a real one!"  I took that as the best compliment I was going to get because I believed that some of those kids thought me to be an intruder as I may have been perceived to be an intruder of sorts.  Later on, I was told by some of the other moms that I did wonderful with the situation from the night before and how they could not have handled that so eloquently.  PROUD MOMENT!!!! 

So, for those of you who are step parents.  There are moments that only you will have and only you will endure but hold your head up and prosper.  Because it is in those moments that we become stronger and even closer to the children that are ours but they are not.  Each step family has their own challenges but you are still just that: a FAMILY and while I love mine, they are still MINE in my heart!  We may not always get along but we do have our endearing moments and that is when the appreciation for each other shines like no diamond ever can!  I will never trade that weekend for anything in the world.  Anessa and I became closer that weekend and it was a good beginning for us as her father and I had only been together for about a year or so.  We had a blast and each child and both Anessa and I learned something.  It is one of those great step family moments that are few and far between.

I raise my glass to my fellow step parents and children of such. It is a learning process, indeed.  Remember, your kids will even call you Mom sometimes.  While the meaning is different, it endears just the same. :)