Day 12: DAMMIT! I am workin out here!

It is said that one can begin to relax by watching their pet fish swim about in the fish tank. Unfortunately we have a bully gold fish and he is the only one left. He stressed the other fish out by chasing them around until they died. It is fitting. When we first started this tank, each person in the house named a fish. This lovely beast we have was named after a video game. His name is "Saint" after Saints Row III. Yeah, the uber gamer of the house named him. Lime I said, perfect fit for a bully fish.

Recently, Saint got too big for the half gallon tank we were keeping. He wa suffocating. Besides, it was time for a new tank anyway (I digress.) At first,  I am not sure saint knew what to do with three full gallons of water k n which to stretch his fins and he didn't eat for three days. He would hide behind the new little rock decoration in the tank for hours. The good news is that Saint got over his fear of the new environment. He must be training for the Olympics or something. Every once in a while,  he will swim circles in the tank. I know what you are thinking...how can you swim circles in a square tank?? HAHA!! Fooled you! It is a flippin circular tank. :P

The time I decided to pull out the camera and tape Saint's workout, he had already been swimming in circles for about three minutes. Someone was in the kitchen cooking bacon. They wanted it crispy and boy did it get there. In the middle of Saint working up his fishy sweat, the smoke alarm went off. In the video I attached, you will see him stop at the left of the tank and look at the teenager like "DAMMIT I AM WORKIN OUT HERE!!!" (Note: you have to say that with a thick New York mafia accent or it just won't seem right.) It was perfect timing I was recording the "workout" with the intent to write a different piece but this morphed out of it.

After he got an attitude with the teenager about interrupting his workout with the smoke alarm, he was like "Aw fluck it." Then he went back to working it out.

Only in this house. ** Shakes head.**

What do YOU think?

Update: This was inadvertently saved as a draft yesterday instead of published. It was a technical flaw with the app not wanting to attach the video. Enjoy!

Day 11: Writers constipation.

I have been working on the latest novel for almost 2 years no. I know sometimes it takes time but I am ready to move on to the next story. I assume that is why I am hyperfocused on blogging. That is ok because it allows me to write about a variety of things and take a break from the sick and twisted minds of Jake and Anastasia. I must say that their story has taken a turn down a different road and it has evolved into something entirely different. I am sad because a lot of the stuff I jotted down in the beginning will not be used and it was pretty brilliant. (In my mind it was, anyway. Not that it would see the light of day in my lifetime.) However, I am happy because it takes the story from something mainstream to a darker topic. I have always wanted to try my hand at the (OMG! Exactly why I am writing this! I will be on a roll and then when I get to a certain point, I space out and stare at the blinking cursor for about 5 minutes. You know, sort of like walking into a room and trying in vain to understand why in the HELL you came in there to start with! I JUST did that chit. RIGHT NOW!  Ah, I digress....I remember now.  Haha, Yes, my brain walked back to where it came from and figured it out, we walk back into that room for the thing.) darker aspect of the human way of thinking and I believe this is the way it is going now. Ya, I know, Not giving you much am I?

Right now, the few things that people know about this writing is that the main characters are Jake and Anastasia, I am currently writing about killing someone off, AND I believe I have my book cover. I have some tweaking to do on the cover but when it is done, I think the daughter will kill me. Ironic huh?

I am at an impasse at the moment. Not that my family knows the habit yet, but when I am carrying around whatever it is I am writing my current story on nearly everywhere. There is something that needs to be written but it is..stuck. Sort of like being constipates. Only, for a writer, it hurts much more than the physical discomforts of not being able to take a crap. I take my writing pad into every single room in the event that inspiration strikes or I get that moment of....freeflowingthoughtwhichmy writinginstrumentcannotkeepupwith.  It has yet to happen. I cannot sleep right, (right....not well...different things here) I cannot eat without thinking about how to put it into words and I cannot do anything without that blue tablet calling to me. Its almost obsessive.

So here I sit. Waiting. Waiting for the plumbing to get backed up so I can get it all out and Oh. My. Gawd. Will it feel good. This book has been a long time coming and I have promised a 2015 publish date since I did not put one out last year. I hope this is one that will be liked and I hope to overcome a lot of the errors I made with my first book. For now, the tablet sits upon my desk taunting me. Asking me to add the....OOPS! I almost gave it away! BAD Micaa!

Until then, what kinds of things do you do to relieve the writers constipation (or for those of you politically correct lovelies-writers block.?)

What do YOU think?

Day 10: I Wish the Rumbling Would Stop

Stop....(echoes)...stop......stop....stop....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2DNT5bsrnY

(You only need to go to 2:52 to get the point here. However, a true Floyd fan will watch the whole dang thing. Ya, I did, even when I went to copy the hyperlink I watched it. There you go, digression right off the bat. Haha. Beat THAT!)

I feel like that. A LOT. Lately. I don't know where it is coming from. Just....STOP. I know part of it is that I am tired of feeling fat. I know I could do more to fix things but that means I would have to NOT be lazy and I am not sure if I feel up to that just yet. Heck, I just got back in touch with my own self and am getting used to cleaning every day again. One thing that I am proud of is that I am not taking 5 days to get laundry done anymore. Baby steps. I now am at the point where I have to force myself to clean something every day. That is not always an easy feat. I just become overwhelmed and say "fluck it." I hate being this tired of life.

The above is not what I am talking about here. I admitted before that I am a flavor hog. However, I have grown past that and now I just eat for the sake of eating. I eat because my body needs it. I just wish there was a way I could drastically cut back and not feel like crapola or hungry all the time. Maybe I should just accept my fate and go with it but I am certain I would lose the love of my life if I were to let go and get any bigger than I already am. So it places me at a crossroads. To top it off, when life gets me down, the only thing that helps is eating because I don't talk it out like the rest of the world does. Drinking only makes me feel worse and I am not a personality type to turn to drugs. What does that leave? A plate.

I hate it. Hating it drives me insane! That and the roller coaster of emotions that come with it. Some days it gets better and I look in the mirror and almost like what I see. I feel ok. I just wish it would last longer.

What do YOU think?

Day 9: Mommas Dont let your babies grow up to be cowboys (Waylon Jennings)

This is for all the ladies out there who are lucky enough to have a man bring you to meet his family. On many levels, this is a big step. It is one for the relationship, your love, and you. It is an important step in the relationship because it is an indicator that things are becoming serious and this is more than just some fly by night romance. It is a big step for your love because he thinks enough of you to 1. Expose you to his family and the eccentricities and 2. It opens the relationship and you to scrutiny. It means he is prepared to answer for all the flaws found in the relationship and your personalitym it is inevitable, he will be drilled and asked a mollion questions the next time he talks to the parental units without you. Finally, it is a big step for you because you will see the environment that produced this man and give you insight for some things that may need explaining but you were too afraid to ask.

It is a good thing that first impressions are important. Most of the time, the first meeting will be brief. You want to look decent, use your manners and still be you. This can be hard for some personalities. That is ok. Just don’t be too nervous.

Now ladies, I want you to be aware of something. Your other half may be the farthest thing ever from a Mommas Boy. He may not even get along with his mother that well. There may even be a step mother that raised your love. Take to heart every single thing this woman has to say. This woman knows more about your man than anyone else on the planet. No amount of long relationships, exes, or best friends can have a more candid opinion about this man than his mother.

The point I am getting to is this; if she gets you alone, things may be said. Mothers are protective of their sons just like fathers over their daughters. There is one conversation that I am going to discuss that you really need to pay attention to. (I personally never had this conversation with Cals mom. So this is not one of those been there, done that things. However, ecperience makes us stronger and I learned over the years. Strength with experience works fine too. Be strong phenomenal woman….I digress.)

Should this mother take you to the side, offer you a cup of coffee at the kitchen bar, look you square in the face and say:

“I hope you are ready to love my baby.”

Sit up and take notice. What follows that statement will give you great insight to the future. More specifically, should she follow that up with:

“It takes a special kind of personality to be attached to a (insert you loves last name here.)”

You have three options. 1. You run. Run very fast and very far. 2. Politely stay out the visit and break it off later. Or 3. Hope you have the intestinal fortitude to take whatever this man may have happen and dish out lest you become so frazzled you will want to jump off the pier during shark season.

Its easier said than done. Just remember lovely lady. Should you have that presented to you, consider your strength. This man will test everything you are about and you have been warned. Should you accept the challenge…it is for life and nothung will be the same.

What do YOU think?

Day 8: Roomba Coffee Server

While at work the other day, we were discussing coffee and other general Work at Home topics. I have no clue how we went from coffee to Roombas but it gave me a brilliant idea!

I want a Roomba to bring me coffee with the push of a button!

Now, I can certainly bypass that and just purchase a coffee maker for my office and get on with my life but this is in the category of NEAT! I have always wanted a Roomba because they are just....cool. However, I am cheap, and I squeak and it is not likely that one will be in my future. UNLESS (so the Lorax says, Love the book by the say. I can read it emphatically to you, with my voice, without the book, right now, and LOVE it. Ah, but I  digress) someone buys me one then I will happily put it to use!

Add in the coffee integer....I push a button, send it out to "navigate the heckacious hallway traffic" and get fresh, hot, coffee and bring it back to me. Oh the joy!  I would even go so far as to install a little "RooombaDoor" for it to come into my office without human intervention. OMY that would be soo cool. I could bring it out when we entertain and it would be great!

Alas, things like that have yet to exist but it is cool to think about. What neat gizmo would you want to bring YOU coffee?

What do YOU think?

(Note: Ya, this is a short one. My brain is fried today. Poo.)

Day 7: Glitter sticks because it has phantom super glue

Anyone with a little girl or a child who loves to do arts and crafts knows the fight of the glitter fairy. If you have someone in your home that uses glitter, you KNOW to what I am referring. Even if you forbid glitter from being used in your home, should you have kids, the glitter fairy will still pay your home a visit. This is certain to happen around the holidays. Silver for Christmas, orange for Halloween, red for Valentines day. You get the picture. Once you find that you have come in contact with glitter, it is like a contagious disease. The chit gets EVERYWHERE. Not only that, it is often worse than sharpie markers. It sticks around and is impossible to wash away.

The last time I painted my fingernails,  (not something I do often, but I find it relaxing. I should do it more. Maybe....) I used a clear top coat with glitter flecks in it. Every single time I use this stuff I fail to remember how difficult it is to get off. Its like it becomes imbedded into the nail or something because fingernail polish will not take it off. I have to scrape it off and damage the heck out of my nails. No amount of rubbing with a rag or cotton ball or tissue drenched in fingernail polish remover will get that chit off. I imagined once, using turpentine or kerosene to try to get that glitter junk off but I was too chicken to try. My nails may fall off! These are MY nails and they are real. Not something you see everyday. They are "salon length" too. (Just about the only part of myself I take pride in currently, but after yesterday, THAT will change. Yes, I digress.)

So here I sit. At work. Scrapping glitter that the glitter fairy has seen fit to adhere to my nails simply so I can paint my nails to match my shirt. Note: New fingernail polish has even tinier glitter pieces in it. The removal of THAT should be just as fun!  I am certain I have done enough to my nails to ensure the next color I paint them will become a permanent part of them until it grows out. Thank gosh my nails grow fast.

This is where I get to the point. The glitter fairy has this secret superglue stuff that she lovingly coats each piece of glitter ever created. This is why it has that lovely permanence. Mind you, it is purposely done. Glitter Fairy Super Glue has this chemical in it that allows for it to time release (I mean let go) of any Elmer's glue, paste, or glue stick simply so that it can be found every single place your child's art work or craft has been. This is where you have to be careful. If your child grabbed the toilet paper roll and used some during arts and crafts, think twice before wiping your rear. Gosh forbid you go to a colonoscopy and your Doctor find glitter in your crack! Yipes! Haha. Remember that story of the lady who had a "woman's" appointment at the OB/GYN and her daughter had placed glitter in a wash cloth near the sink?  How mortifying. Also, you don't want to go to an interview or a court date looking like you had been puked upon by the Glitter Unicorn of Shinydom either.

Point is, glitter is horrible stuff. While it may look good and is very shiny, it is DANGEROUS!

What do YOU think?

Day 6: Self loathing

I have always had issues with self. I have cone to realize that I checked out of the self love department many, many years ago. I understood this today. I don’t know what caused this light bulb moment. I think it was the culmination of many things. Not sure where to start but here goes.

My self image has always been skewed. I imagine this is the same flaw that anorexics an bulimics posses. I say this because when I see people who are the same clothing size as me, I do not see this huge person that my reflection shows. I am sure that when I look at my own reflection, I see this fat person who is a whole lot bigger than what she really is. This disgusts me and makes me feel bad. Psychologists will likely tell me its a good thing I recognize that. Not beeing happy with the vessel which encompasses your soul causes a lot of inner conflict. For me is creates self hate and that is destructive. This where I have been for almost since I can remember. Before being fat bacame an issue it was some other thing. Why did I have nappy curly hair when all my friends had shiny straight hair or why was I a red head? No one else was. When I got into my teen years that damned whit stripe that appeared in my hair (off center like a cockeyed skunk) every summer and I had a pooch for my lower abs and not a flat stomach like everyone else. I hated it. I hated me. This has been a lifetime of self hate.

Fast forward to late teens ane early 20’s. I had very few boyfriends and the ones I did have were not nice to me. Called me ugly and would pick on me in front of the circle of friends I thought I had. This is where people don’t believe the bubble I lived in. Not much happened. I just existed and not much more. My first real “party” was not until I was 21 and it was the first birthday party of Cals that I went to. To this day, I have picture of us at that party on my desk. I was almost human. I have been in and out of serious hate with myself over the course of my whole life.

Tyler Perry’s Madea says “Honey how in the hell can you love someone else if you cannot love yourself.” Today, I finally understand that sentiment. It took a couple days of self loathing, too many beers and nearly a year of wandering in the dark to come to that conclusion. Know what else attributed to this life changing moment? It took the intentional trespass of someone whom I thought to be a friend to trample all over my feelings, heart, and soul. She took my very being and slammed it on rusty spikes of betrayal and then walked on it like it was an afterthoughtm she took pure bitch and rubbed my face in it then walked away laughing. What she did was unspeakable and hurt me beyond anything I can put into words. For that, unnamed woman, (you know who you are queen sandwich maker
There is your digression peeps.) I want to thank you. I forgive you for what you did. I forgive the threat, for what you still are. (Two meanings there.) And I forgive you for what you are. Also, I have a great fondness and love for you. I wish the best for you and yours. For you are a sister in kind and the divinity of the Mother Goddess is in you as it is in all of us. Prosper sister. I will take what you have shown me and learn from it ad return it to you tenfold.

As a result of this thing that was done, I fully understand that I will find peace only when I truly love me. I have started down the path to healing from the harm that was done to me as well as the years of being spiritually checked out. I know I have a long way to go and it wont be easy but I do know who will ride or die with me.

I know who is with me and who is not. I know my ride or die family and if some November Rain washes it away, I know I will be ok because I have discovered that I can get back up, pick up the pieces, and continue on. Also know that the bond I have with my Cal cannot be broken. His is my rock and nothing can break that. Any thing that comes along and tries is only temporary and external.

I am going to love me. I am going to fix what has been broken and move on. Watch out world. Its ALL about to change. I am strong and beautiful. I am phenomenal. I SHINE.

Whaylt do YOU think?