Day 10: I Wish the Rumbling Would Stop

Stop....(echoes)...stop......stop....stop....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2DNT5bsrnY

(You only need to go to 2:52 to get the point here. However, a true Floyd fan will watch the whole dang thing. Ya, I did, even when I went to copy the hyperlink I watched it. There you go, digression right off the bat. Haha. Beat THAT!)

I feel like that. A LOT. Lately. I don't know where it is coming from. Just....STOP. I know part of it is that I am tired of feeling fat. I know I could do more to fix things but that means I would have to NOT be lazy and I am not sure if I feel up to that just yet. Heck, I just got back in touch with my own self and am getting used to cleaning every day again. One thing that I am proud of is that I am not taking 5 days to get laundry done anymore. Baby steps. I now am at the point where I have to force myself to clean something every day. That is not always an easy feat. I just become overwhelmed and say "fluck it." I hate being this tired of life.

The above is not what I am talking about here. I admitted before that I am a flavor hog. However, I have grown past that and now I just eat for the sake of eating. I eat because my body needs it. I just wish there was a way I could drastically cut back and not feel like crapola or hungry all the time. Maybe I should just accept my fate and go with it but I am certain I would lose the love of my life if I were to let go and get any bigger than I already am. So it places me at a crossroads. To top it off, when life gets me down, the only thing that helps is eating because I don't talk it out like the rest of the world does. Drinking only makes me feel worse and I am not a personality type to turn to drugs. What does that leave? A plate.

I hate it. Hating it drives me insane! That and the roller coaster of emotions that come with it. Some days it gets better and I look in the mirror and almost like what I see. I feel ok. I just wish it would last longer.

What do YOU think?