Please bring my neighbor their paper! I stole it! (whisperingly)

As many of you are aware, I used to do customer service for a local newspaper. For those of us in customer service, we all have our "favorite" customers and our doosie stories. One of my favorite stories came from speaking to a lady about her neighbors paper.
Yes, I said the neighbors' paper. This particular lady (I call her this because I believe her to be one of our great elderly wisers) had occasion to call because her own paper had been missed or stolen and she wanted her paper with her morning coffee as per her custom. However, she was full on aware that her neighbors were late risers and she took it upon herself to take their paper. She called quite early, around 7ish I suppose and it was hilarious because she was whispering into the phone.
Now, imagine some little old lady about four foot nothin' standing on her porch whispering into her cordless phone with her little hand cupped over the speaker on the phone. Imagine it quite early and in the summer so she is in her nightie and slippers and she is looking over to the neighbors yard. Below was our conversation:
(Remember, she is whispering the ENTIRE time!)
Me: Thank you for calling the News! My name is Michele, how may I help you?
Lady: I am calling about my neighbors paper.
Me: Ok, what is going on with your neighbors paper?
Lady: Well, I need you to bring one out in a hurry so they don't miss it. You see, I didn't get mine today for some reason and I know they sleep late over there. Can you bring them one so they don't see that it is gone? I took their paper and I don't want to get in trouble with the neighbors for taking their paper!
Me: So, you missed your paper and you took theirs? O.o
Lady: Yes, I know they never get up before 9:30 every day. If you hurry, you can get one out here before they wake up and nobody will know! Can you do that for me? I really wanted to read my Sunday paper and it was just laying there. Please bring one out so nobody knows what happened. You can do that right? This will be a secret between you and me.
Me: Aw, certainly Ms. Lady. I can do that for you. Oh, and don't worry, it will be our little secret, ok?
Lady: OK, thank you! I am going now because I don't want them to see or hear me lest they find out what happened!
Me: Ok, is there anything else I can help you with today Ms. Lady?
Lady: No, you just have a good day and thank you for getting me out of trouble! :)
I hung up the phone and had a little chuckle about that. I don't know if she was in her nightie and slippers or not. I do know that she was outside because I heard traffic but it made me smile to know that our elderly population gets up to rambunctious goings on early in the morning!
Thought I would share this little smile for today. Though I am certain that if she knew, she would be quite upset that I shared her secret! :) Na, it will be alright.....

I didn't plan on seeing the crack of Don!

Took our numba 14 with me to run errands (Running errands with my mom!) this morning and while she was sitting in the car waiting, she happened to look up at a group of homeless people gathering their things at the corner of the conveinence store building. Upon getting back into the car next to her, she was not too happy.
"Well my gawd! That is NOT something I wanted to see first thing in the morning."
I followed her gaze and seen the last of the homeless gathering up his bags getting ready to follow the convoy of them out of the parking lot. (There were about 8 of them total.) He was rail thin, had more baggage than what he weighed and had on a pair of sweatpants. They were obvoiusly too big on him and when the poor guy raised his arms over his head, you did not see what one expected....
I asked my dear child what happened and she said:
"I seen his but crack! I did not expect to see the crack of Don when I woke up today! I more expected to fight with my brothers!"
So, at this I calmly said, well...."Wouldn't that be sad if his name was really DON?!?!" Of course we got a good laugh out of that. However, it got me to thinking. There are ALOT of homeless in the city of Myrtle Beach. While most of them simply wander around from day to day and get arressted every now and then, they don't cause too much trouble. Don't get me wrong, I DO NOT go near them nor do I choose to speak but there are many of them. We see them every time we go somewhere. They have camps in the wooded areas in the city and frequent WalMart and other convenience stores whent hey have money to spare. Sometimes you will even see newbies panhandling money at the entrance to the Walmart parking lot. (No wonder I make it a habit of coming in the side enterance to the parkinglot.
Honestly, it has become so commonplace for them to be seen around, that I don't pay much attention to them. I only notice their presence when I go out of town with my family and note that there are not as many visible homeless people around or that I can successfully go into a store or the mall and not see one on the way there or while looking for a parking spot.
Truth be told, since the city has tried to curb a lot of the bigger events around here, you see them more and more. The city and county have even tried to run them out of the camps in the wooded areas. All these people did was move their things from one place to another. Clearing out the woods they live in does not do a good job either because then there is the mess they leave behind. While I understand they are just trying to survive and I even get that there are those there that CHOOSE that lifestyle, they are truly their own community in this dying city.
Sad. That is for lack of a better description. I remember coming to visit here and seen the homeless but there was not so many of them. They are everywhere! They walk through my neighborhood and they make the news quite often. Normally for a body being found or that some "famous" homeless person in the city has died or some other non extravagant story but what is the city doing about it? Nothing. There is a homeless shelter that was built right next to a neighborhood a couple of years ago. There is also Helping Hand that feeds them in their soup kitchen. However, what else do they have? What services are being provided to enable them to get up out of the woods and live a life that the rest of the world knows and (most likely) takes for granted?
Seems a little backward to me. Decay....This is the very foundation of it in this societly. Outright decay. We have come so far and so snooty in our ways (even those of us who feel they are entitled to welfare "benefits" when they have no business being lazy simply because they can get away with it) that we simply turn away from the part of society that is crumbling the foundation of the very SNOT that we thrive upon every single day. The lost. The forgotten. The ignored.
Next time you come to Myrtle Beach, please do not forget to gawk at our homeless of which our leaders are so proud to shuffle from one area to the next. Also, please don't forget to go by the old fruit stand on Mr. Joe White Avenue and see how it has been repainted all pretty simply for the homeless population to accumulate their wares and hang out under the shade trees. Your city leaders are so proud of what they have done to the lower class. The poorest lost everything and the rest of us are getting poorer by the minute because the jobs are still being handed out to foreigners and not given to those of us who live here and keep this rotten city going.
I may be going on and on about this because I am angry when it comes to my pocket but what do you expect? A maypole dance and glitter? Go visit GrumpyCat for that one.
But I digress........

Road Rage: Better off in my own mind....

I try not to let stupid drivers get to me. I have plenty of other stuff to rage about or scream about without having to yell at some stranger for cutting me off. However, there is a time and a place for dicussions such as this and here is my forum.
One of the things that make me madder than hill is the fact that someone can run up on you super fast, cut you off, and then...........yep you guessed it............slow to a crawl right in front of you. What does this accomplish? Did you decide the moment that you got back in my lane, in front of ME, that you were no longer in a hurry to get where you were going? Truth be told, I will probably get to my destination before you and I was going the posted speed limit the entire trip!
Let me guess, you were on the phone and failed to realize that the more engaged you were in your chatter, the heavier your foot got. I call that the heavy talk syndrome. I am guilty as charged there. This is yet one of the many reasons why I do not talk on the phone and drive. It is against the law in most places these days. WAIT! Maybe you decided that you wanted to be Mr. Nugget McAssshole this morning because you woke up on the bottom side of the bed. Yeah! That is it. Well, sir, I am not the source of your frustration and taking it out on me silently by impeding my progress is something that simply should not be done. However, you chose me this morning so I am now faced with a dilemma.
Do I beat the crap out of my steering wheel (not its fault) and roll down the window to scream obsenities at you while my family slowly slides down in their seats from embarassment? What, pray tell, would that accomplish?? Nothing but another pissed off driver. Better off keeping that reaction to myself. Ok, another option would be to do the same thing. No, that will never work. Then you will beat on your innocent steering wheel and that is not called for either. Final, and certainly most difficult option? The best one, with practice, I say. You simply keep the rage in your mind and pull out your mental movie projector and play Death Race Michele in your mind and imagine how it would be to go into the next lane, push my kill button and out come the nails and just RATATATATATATATATATATATATA all over that bitchards wheels and shiny car so that they simply STOP in their progress and are successfully late for where ever they were in such a big rush to get to in the first place.
Muahahahaha. That would be great in MY perfect world. On the up side to that, remaining safe, and ignoring stupidity and getting out of the way of it is great! It also makes a lot less stress on my health and lets me remain alert for the next idiot that is surely going to do something just as stupid. Further, it is such a YES! moment when you are pulling out of Tim Horton's Coffee shop and you see that same fool, pulled over by a cop getting a ticket. Talk about stress for him.....I feel for that poor steering wheel.

An Amazing child

I wonder sometimes. Folks, lets get real. We are raising a generation of AMAZING children. If you do not know the proper definition of that, then you can inbox me or Julie F. We will be more than happy to enlighten. At any rate, children these days get away with so much more than we did and even our parents for that matter.
We spare the rod and spoil the child. No, I do not mean abuse them but if they smart off to you, then they need some consequences. I never thought to yell at my mother (as a child) or hit her or threaten to call the cops on her because she took my phone from me. As far as the phone goes, I had a 50 foot cord that went from the wall to the phone and that thing could follow me out to the sidewalk. However, should I decide to get in trouble or inadvertantly utter a curse word, my lovelt tail had no phone attached to it or she took the whole thing. There were no cell phones and my pc (which I got in the 6th grade) was this mideval dos thing that had one color.....green.
Further, people these days believe they can suck off their parents until they die and get all uppity and ticked off if you believe they have to earn their keep. Peeps, my mother was more than happy to see me go to work and buy my own things. I was more than happy to go. It was the start of me "being grown." I am not entitled to anything in her home and I am a guest there at that point. Sure, I was one of the lucky ones and I did not have to pay anything to the house if I didnt want to but if I wanted something she normally did not buy or wanted to go to a football game or something THAT came out of my pocket and I walked nearly everywhere I had to go. I also stayed in school and graduated and, for the most part, stayed out of trouble.
That is another thing. I see so many people (and the age range is getting younger and younger) getting in trouble these days and doing SERIOUS things! Assault with a deadly weapon, robbery while armed with a weapon...Nothing like the petty "underaged drinking or driving without a licence or trespassing" that we got growing up. No sir, these kids are doing serious crimes. Further, the justice system is doing quirky things to slap them on the wrist. (Topic for another day.)
Honestly, if I was over age 21 and my mother bailed me out of jail and paid my attorney fees and bills for nearly 2 years, don't you think she has the right to ask me to pay some of that back if she gets in a bind. Yes, every mother and father would love to pay for their children like that and not expect to get paid back.......in a vaccuum. However, things are tough and it is not as easy as your parents make it. They keep the fact that bills run about 3000 going out and there is only 2500 coming in EACH MONTH BEFORE GAS AND GROCERIES. (Hypothetical, 4 person family middle income.) At any rate, they make it work and this is where the communication fails. No, I am not saying that you should tell your children ALL your business but you should teach them to be self sufficient and that it is ok to ask mom and dad for help but make sure you return the nicety at some point in the future. They are just as human as you are.
Also, we were taught all about litterbugs and taking care of the planet (and table manners) growing up; do they not teach that anymore in modern homes and preschools? We take care of the planet by recycling and other things of a noble stature, however, I still see children who leave a trail behind them like the only preschool lesson their ever learned was hansel and gretel. Folks, that was breadcrumbs and not trash! Take pride in your own home, your own neighborhood and your planet. It is the only one we have!

Never underestimate the power of the handicapped....parking spot!

Ok, I know I am going to get some flack here. Especially from my friend J. It was suggested to write about the abuse of the handicap parking spots.
To begin with, I do believe that you MUST have a handicap sticker/plate/placard in order to park in designated parking spots. It is the law and you must abide by such. Period. No questions asked. It is that black and white folks. Should you be arrogant enough to park in said spot then, yes, you deserve what you get. I am not going to argue with that. I will also not argue with the fact that there are genuine needs for such a spot and there are people who legitimately get these permits to park in the handicap parking spots. Now, mind you, simply because you have a permit, does not mean that the handicapped parking spots are closest to the door. I do often hear those with such a priviledge complain that they have to park at the end of the sidewalk, 2 doors down from their destination simply to use the priviledge they have. WELLLLLLLLLLLLL it is because, those types of spots were not only meant for the person hobbling on a cane because they still have minimal use of their knees and choose to walk. No Sir. They were initially meant for those of us who are in wheelchairs and choose to be self sufficient and drive. THAT IS WHY THEY SYMBOL IS A WHEELCHAIR FOLKS!
At any rate, I believe the suggestion excludes those wheelchair folks. No discrimination against a protected class of folks in this rant. Actually, it is protecting them....to a point. What I am getting at is that if you have a permit to park there, and you are walking just fine, some people may take that offensive. You have a permit and you "look" fine. Well, therein lies a dilemma. When you see someone with a permit, they may look fine but they still may have a true need for such a permit. For example, my mother has a permenant need for one. She has a bad back and is not able to walk long distances. Some days are better than others and she may walk upright and normal looking. This does not mean that she does not have a certified need. Excuse her for not fitting your stereotypical image of what you have in mind for someone that has a qualified need for a handicapped sticker.
Now, there are times when there is an opportunity for someone to use a legitimate permit even though they have no medical necessity for one. Here is my confession and I have witness that I have done such a thing. I am sad to say that I have, on occasion, used my mother's handicapped placard when she has not been with me. One such trip, she had left it in my car and I had just had our Alyssa. Yes, I was fresh out of the hospital and no, I had no need for one because I could have just as easily found a close spot and walked in to the store. However, the permit was there and there were more than one handicapped spot open. Had there been only one open, I would not have considered it because I DO have at least 2 scrupels in my back pocket. (Now what happens AFTER I go into the store, there is no control over and I cannot help it if there are none when I return to my car.)
Also (here is where J will get me...) I have had my mother come to the beach for a visit and leaver her permit here. While I do offer to mail it back to her, she is my mother and she always has a back up. (At least then she did cuz Dad had one too.) She said to hold on to it until she returns on another visit. WELL....it IS there and it is a shame not to use it because she DOES pay extra to have one. Why not get her money's worth? Yes, I make sure there is more than one handicapped parking spot open when I have used it and I did not use it exclusively in her absence. I do like to walk and I only did it when I was feeling ill or in a hurry and could not find another one.
That is a true abuse of it and I admit that I am not perfect. Remember, I said I only had 2 scrupels in my pocket. :)
However, there are people who simply do not care and will park in such a spot simply because they can. Um, Karma will get you if there is not a cop on a tenspeed writing you a ticket as you abuse the many handicapped parkingspots that are available for those with a true need for it. Remember, it is a priviledge and you should treat it as such.
Alas, I have confessed to a discretion that I should not have done and believe that, because my secret is now public, the only time I will use my mother's permit is if she is around. Next time, I will also mail it to her immediately to prevent the fact that my scrupels allow for me to do such a dastardly deed. Thank you, Kat, for setting me on the right path and assisting me in correcting my evil ways.
Certainly when you have 2 people (Julie, I am talking about you AND Kat) give you chit about something that you do only about 5(ish) times in your life that you should not do because it is affecting a protected class of people (and it makes you a hippocrite) you should change.
On this bright, sunshiny morning...I HAVE changed. :) (Er....uh...*swipes at sand with big toe while hands folded behind back* for now....insert big grin here.)