Day 7: Glitter sticks because it has phantom super glue

Anyone with a little girl or a child who loves to do arts and crafts knows the fight of the glitter fairy. If you have someone in your home that uses glitter, you KNOW to what I am referring. Even if you forbid glitter from being used in your home, should you have kids, the glitter fairy will still pay your home a visit. This is certain to happen around the holidays. Silver for Christmas, orange for Halloween, red for Valentines day. You get the picture. Once you find that you have come in contact with glitter, it is like a contagious disease. The chit gets EVERYWHERE. Not only that, it is often worse than sharpie markers. It sticks around and is impossible to wash away.

The last time I painted my fingernails,  (not something I do often, but I find it relaxing. I should do it more. Maybe....) I used a clear top coat with glitter flecks in it. Every single time I use this stuff I fail to remember how difficult it is to get off. Its like it becomes imbedded into the nail or something because fingernail polish will not take it off. I have to scrape it off and damage the heck out of my nails. No amount of rubbing with a rag or cotton ball or tissue drenched in fingernail polish remover will get that chit off. I imagined once, using turpentine or kerosene to try to get that glitter junk off but I was too chicken to try. My nails may fall off! These are MY nails and they are real. Not something you see everyday. They are "salon length" too. (Just about the only part of myself I take pride in currently, but after yesterday, THAT will change. Yes, I digress.)

So here I sit. At work. Scrapping glitter that the glitter fairy has seen fit to adhere to my nails simply so I can paint my nails to match my shirt. Note: New fingernail polish has even tinier glitter pieces in it. The removal of THAT should be just as fun!  I am certain I have done enough to my nails to ensure the next color I paint them will become a permanent part of them until it grows out. Thank gosh my nails grow fast.

This is where I get to the point. The glitter fairy has this secret superglue stuff that she lovingly coats each piece of glitter ever created. This is why it has that lovely permanence. Mind you, it is purposely done. Glitter Fairy Super Glue has this chemical in it that allows for it to time release (I mean let go) of any Elmer's glue, paste, or glue stick simply so that it can be found every single place your child's art work or craft has been. This is where you have to be careful. If your child grabbed the toilet paper roll and used some during arts and crafts, think twice before wiping your rear. Gosh forbid you go to a colonoscopy and your Doctor find glitter in your crack! Yipes! Haha. Remember that story of the lady who had a "woman's" appointment at the OB/GYN and her daughter had placed glitter in a wash cloth near the sink?  How mortifying. Also, you don't want to go to an interview or a court date looking like you had been puked upon by the Glitter Unicorn of Shinydom either.

Point is, glitter is horrible stuff. While it may look good and is very shiny, it is DANGEROUS!

What do YOU think?

Road Rage: Better off in my own mind (with a nine!)

I try not to let stupid drivers get to me. I have plenty of other stuff to rage about or scream about without having to yell at some stranger for cutting me off. However, there is a time and a place for dicussions such as this and here is my forum.
One of the things that make me madder than hill is the fact that someone can run up on you super fast, cut you off, and then...........yep you guessed it............slow to a crawl right in front of you. What does this accomplish? Did you decide the moment that you got back in my lane, in front of ME, that you were no longer in a hurry to get where you were going? Truth be told, I will probably get to my destination before you and I was going the posted speed limit the entire trip!
Let me guess, you were on the phone and failed to realize that the more engaged you were in your chatter, the heavier your foot got. I call that the heavy talk syndrome. I am guilty as charged there. This is yet one of the many reasons why I do not talk on the phone and drive. It is against the law in most places these days. WAIT! Maybe you decided that you wanted to be Mr. Nugget McAssshole this morning because you woke up on the bottom side of the bed. Yeah! That is it. Well, sir, I am not the source of your frustration and taking it out on me silently by impeding my progress is something that simply should not be done. However, you chose me this morning so I am now faced with a dilemma.
Do I beat the crap out of my steering wheel (not its fault) and roll down the window to scream obsenities at you while my family slowly slides down in their seats from embarassment? What, pray tell, would that accomplish?? Nothing but another pissed off driver. Better off keeping that reaction to myself. Ok, another option would be to do the same thing. No, that will never work. Then you will beat on your innocent steering wheel and that is not called for either. Final, and certainly most difficult option? The best one, with practice, I say. You simply keep the rage in your mind and pull out your mental movie projector and play Death Race Michele in your mind and imagine how it would be to go into the next lane, push my kill button and out come the nails and just RATATATATATATATATATATATATA all over that bitchards wheels and shiny car so that they simply STOP in their progress and are successfully late for where ever they were in such a big rush to get to in the first place.
Muahahahaha. That would be great in MY perfect world. On the up side to that, remaining safe, and ignoring stupidity and getting out of the way of it is great! It also makes a lot less stress on my health and lets me remain alert for the next idiot that is surely going to do something just as stupid. Further, it is such a YES! moment when you are pulling out of Tim Horton's Coffee shop and you see that same fool, pulled over by a cop getting a ticket. Talk about stress for him.....I feel for that poor steering wheel.

Its yet another holiday...Bah humbug.

As a child that didn't know any better. Holidays (any of them) were favorite days. They were out of the ordinary and we did things that we normally didnt do. Further, I loved to watch the joy my mother got in decorating for the holidays. When I was in grade school, she had window clings for ever single holiday of the year.
January-Baby new year and hats and other festive new year stuff (I got to stay up late and drink sparkling grape juice and, on occasion, try real champagne)
February-hearts and candy clings for Valentines day (Decorating valentines and eating whitmans samplers that mom always got.)
March-Shamrocks and lepracahns (sp?) all over the windows (New green something bought at the stoore and green cupcakes. MMM)
April--Easter eggs and bunnies on the windows (Easter egg hunts a new dress and shoes and Dressing up all snooty to go out to eat at red lobster or somewhere, we didnt go to church...)
May-Mothers day...Mom didnt decorate for Mothers day but there were always pretty flowers all over the place from dad and me. (Going shopping with dad to find something pretty for mom on her special day.)
June-Fathers day and the end of school. (Mom spent a lot of time outside during this month due to the warm weather and crabapples were to be picked! No decoration but the crabapple jam was the best!)
July-Firework clings on the windows (Also some BIG fireworks show somewhere.)
August- My birthday. Balloons everywhere. (With the exception of birthday number 7 where we went to Chuck E Cheese)
September- Leaf clings for the fall. (No special holiday here but it was also the return to school so we went school shopping for new clothes and stuff.)
October-Scary cat and tombstone clings. (Halloween candy for the kids we would never see because we were out getting the goods and costume shopping was fun too.)
November-Turkey and pilgirm window clings.(Mom LOVES making her famous bread on thanksgiving. There are also many funny stories for Turkeyday. Remember the Becky fart??)
December-Christmas must be her favorite holiday. Not only did we get the present and christmas tree and frosty christmas clings, the tree was always a big to do and moms tree always was (and still is) loaded.
I try to do some of these great things with our kids. However, I try to be a little creative. I did window clings for a while when Alyssa was a toddler but money always seems to be tight when a holiday comes around (hence, the Bah Humbug.) Therefore, we get creative.
Anyone who knows me knows how proud I was of our decorated cieling when we lived on 34th. I also make it a point to have home made costumes for our kids. Kitties, chefs, zombies, and kids are great costumes. One day, I will get all extravagant and put some money into it. I don't feel bad about it when I see kids in hoodies running around with NO costumage at all. Christmas is always a challenge but thank goodness Santa visits grandmas houses and knows we are not home or we would be in trouble! Valentines, we do cards and for a special teacher, maybe some cool home made thing. Fathers day is fishing, and other days we just wing it. Money was tight this year and the easter bunny was busy last year for egg hiding so this year he magically had a hole in his basket and dropped candy EVERYWHERE while hopping around the house hiding eggs. So, yea, we have our own special days. I just hope they remember little things like I did when they get older.
What special things do you remember about the holidays from your childhood and what do you try to do for your kids?

Somewhere there is a tree working tirelessly....

I was watching House, MD the other day and heard one of his brilliant witicisms (such a word?) and thought I would share. (While it may not be verbatim, you get the point:)
"Somewhere there is a tree, working tirelessly so that you can breathe. You owe that tree an apology."
BRILLIANT! I love the humor that comes from that sarcastic, pill junkie of a doctor. Even if he is only real in TV Land. I know many people who owe trees an apology simply for existing. I wonder how the world would be if we had to each take our own tree through life every day. Much like a shadow, it would be a permenant appendage to our being. What would people do if they knew that if they mistreat the priviledge, their tree would wither and die.
With that, I am sure we would be able to see what kind of people we would be dealing with in advance of actually meeting them, eh? Yea, lets skip the fact that humans are humans and some will have miracle grow or some such crap in their pockets to make their tree look better than what it really is. No, I mean that it is a true measure of the nature of the human that has to maintain it. I know many of you could even look out your front door and count how many would have a pitiful thing for a tree. What makes this proposal more intriguing is that, the worse you are as a person, the harder it will be for you to breathe. Therefore, you must treat people nice and respectfully or you will die with said tree.
Does this lead to less crime, betrayal, and quite possibly a utopian society? Not so sure because as mentioned earlier, miracle grow or similar will play a role as humans are highly intelligent individuals and will find some way to cheat that which is natural. I mean, we have already cloned ourselves, right?
All aside, just remember, trees are bringers of life and death. (Do you ever see something grow in the constant shadow of a tree? ONLY if there is one ray of sunshine there.) They do not discriminate nor do they wage war upon one another. They plant roots and have a constant presence and do not bounce around from place to place. They have communities and take care of this planet. They are not harbringers of destruction, chaos, and violence like it is in the nature of human.
Remember, the next time you choose to bring evil to someone by your actions or words. Make sure that there are no trees out there that you owe an apology to. Right now we are so busy apologizing to these trees for the acts of others we forget the one that our own shadow needs to get a break from the blazing sun sometimes. Don't let yours wither. Give it life and let it grow....

An Amazing child

I wonder sometimes. Folks, lets get real. We are raising a generation of AMAZING children. If you do not know the proper definition of that, then you can inbox me or Julie F. We will be more than happy to enlighten. At any rate, children these days get away with so much more than we did and even our parents for that matter.
We spare the rod and spoil the child. No, I do not mean abuse them but if they smart off to you, then they need some consequences. I never thought to yell at my mother (as a child) or hit her or threaten to call the cops on her because she took my phone from me. As far as the phone goes, I had a 50 foot cord that went from the wall to the phone and that thing could follow me out to the sidewalk. However, should I decide to get in trouble or inadvertantly utter a curse word, my lovelt tail had no phone attached to it or she took the whole thing. There were no cell phones and my pc (which I got in the 6th grade) was this mideval dos thing that had one color.....green.
Further, people these days believe they can suck off their parents until they die and get all uppity and ticked off if you believe they have to earn their keep. Peeps, my mother was more than happy to see me go to work and buy my own things. I was more than happy to go. It was the start of me "being grown." I am not entitled to anything in her home and I am a guest there at that point. Sure, I was one of the lucky ones and I did not have to pay anything to the house if I didnt want to but if I wanted something she normally did not buy or wanted to go to a football game or something THAT came out of my pocket and I walked nearly everywhere I had to go. I also stayed in school and graduated and, for the most part, stayed out of trouble.
That is another thing. I see so many people (and the age range is getting younger and younger) getting in trouble these days and doing SERIOUS things! Assault with a deadly weapon, robbery while armed with a weapon...Nothing like the petty "underaged drinking or driving without a licence or trespassing" that we got growing up. No sir, these kids are doing serious crimes. Further, the justice system is doing quirky things to slap them on the wrist. (Topic for another day.)
Honestly, if I was over age 21 and my mother bailed me out of jail and paid my attorney fees and bills for nearly 2 years, don't you think she has the right to ask me to pay some of that back if she gets in a bind. Yes, every mother and father would love to pay for their children like that and not expect to get paid back.......in a vaccuum. However, things are tough and it is not as easy as your parents make it. They keep the fact that bills run about 3000 going out and there is only 2500 coming in EACH MONTH BEFORE GAS AND GROCERIES. (Hypothetical, 4 person family middle income.) At any rate, they make it work and this is where the communication fails. No, I am not saying that you should tell your children ALL your business but you should teach them to be self sufficient and that it is ok to ask mom and dad for help but make sure you return the nicety at some point in the future. They are just as human as you are.
Also, we were taught all about litterbugs and taking care of the planet (and table manners) growing up; do they not teach that anymore in modern homes and preschools? We take care of the planet by recycling and other things of a noble stature, however, I still see children who leave a trail behind them like the only preschool lesson their ever learned was hansel and gretel. Folks, that was breadcrumbs and not trash! Take pride in your own home, your own neighborhood and your planet. It is the only one we have!

Never underestimate the power of the handicapped....parking spot!

Ok, I know I am going to get some flack here. Especially from my friend J. It was suggested to write about the abuse of the handicap parking spots.
To begin with, I do believe that you MUST have a handicap sticker/plate/placard in order to park in designated parking spots. It is the law and you must abide by such. Period. No questions asked. It is that black and white folks. Should you be arrogant enough to park in said spot then, yes, you deserve what you get. I am not going to argue with that. I will also not argue with the fact that there are genuine needs for such a spot and there are people who legitimately get these permits to park in the handicap parking spots. Now, mind you, simply because you have a permit, does not mean that the handicapped parking spots are closest to the door. I do often hear those with such a priviledge complain that they have to park at the end of the sidewalk, 2 doors down from their destination simply to use the priviledge they have. WELLLLLLLLLLLLL it is because, those types of spots were not only meant for the person hobbling on a cane because they still have minimal use of their knees and choose to walk. No Sir. They were initially meant for those of us who are in wheelchairs and choose to be self sufficient and drive. THAT IS WHY THEY SYMBOL IS A WHEELCHAIR FOLKS!
At any rate, I believe the suggestion excludes those wheelchair folks. No discrimination against a protected class of folks in this rant. Actually, it is protecting them....to a point. What I am getting at is that if you have a permit to park there, and you are walking just fine, some people may take that offensive. You have a permit and you "look" fine. Well, therein lies a dilemma. When you see someone with a permit, they may look fine but they still may have a true need for such a permit. For example, my mother has a permenant need for one. She has a bad back and is not able to walk long distances. Some days are better than others and she may walk upright and normal looking. This does not mean that she does not have a certified need. Excuse her for not fitting your stereotypical image of what you have in mind for someone that has a qualified need for a handicapped sticker.
Now, there are times when there is an opportunity for someone to use a legitimate permit even though they have no medical necessity for one. Here is my confession and I have witness that I have done such a thing. I am sad to say that I have, on occasion, used my mother's handicapped placard when she has not been with me. One such trip, she had left it in my car and I had just had our Alyssa. Yes, I was fresh out of the hospital and no, I had no need for one because I could have just as easily found a close spot and walked in to the store. However, the permit was there and there were more than one handicapped spot open. Had there been only one open, I would not have considered it because I DO have at least 2 scrupels in my back pocket. (Now what happens AFTER I go into the store, there is no control over and I cannot help it if there are none when I return to my car.)
Also (here is where J will get me...) I have had my mother come to the beach for a visit and leaver her permit here. While I do offer to mail it back to her, she is my mother and she always has a back up. (At least then she did cuz Dad had one too.) She said to hold on to it until she returns on another visit. WELL....it IS there and it is a shame not to use it because she DOES pay extra to have one. Why not get her money's worth? Yes, I make sure there is more than one handicapped parking spot open when I have used it and I did not use it exclusively in her absence. I do like to walk and I only did it when I was feeling ill or in a hurry and could not find another one.
That is a true abuse of it and I admit that I am not perfect. Remember, I said I only had 2 scrupels in my pocket. :)
However, there are people who simply do not care and will park in such a spot simply because they can. Um, Karma will get you if there is not a cop on a tenspeed writing you a ticket as you abuse the many handicapped parkingspots that are available for those with a true need for it. Remember, it is a priviledge and you should treat it as such.
Alas, I have confessed to a discretion that I should not have done and believe that, because my secret is now public, the only time I will use my mother's permit is if she is around. Next time, I will also mail it to her immediately to prevent the fact that my scrupels allow for me to do such a dastardly deed. Thank you, Kat, for setting me on the right path and assisting me in correcting my evil ways.
Certainly when you have 2 people (Julie, I am talking about you AND Kat) give you chit about something that you do only about 5(ish) times in your life that you should not do because it is affecting a protected class of people (and it makes you a hippocrite) you should change.
On this bright, sunshiny morning...I HAVE changed. :) (Er....uh...*swipes at sand with big toe while hands folded behind back* for now....insert big grin here.)

Chicken on a skateboard

Look at the title for a moment. Kind of an abstract concept, isn't it? Now consider whether or not it is possible.  Is it?

Of course it is. Our life is filled with rediculous possiblities every day.  Some for better, some for worse. It all depends on what is going on in your life right this second.  If it is a possibility, is it a feasible one at this stage in your life?  Why would you try to achieve this "rediculous imposibility?"

Dreams, folks.  We all have them.  Why else would parents ask their children: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  What happens after that question is what makes or breaks the vision that comes from that statement.  You can either foster that response and believe in it so that it is no longer rediculous but POSSIBLE.  Every poor child can grow to be someone important.  They can leave the oppressed life that they live. They need a good support system.  Even those children with one parent or parents that seemingly do not care, if they have a support system of another family member, a friend, or even the willpower to do it on their own, it is possible.

Take our daughter for example.  Now, we are not downtrodden poor.  On paper, we are in the lowest end of middle class (so I would like to think.) But my husband and I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up.  Her answer?

An artist.

Well.  Nice enough.  Broad enough to encompas many things.  How many we did not know.  She was about to show us what a bohemian artist she will become.  That theme has not changed in her fifteen years on this planet and, at this point, I do not believe it ever will change. Oh sure, the basis has changed....painter, drawer, sculptor, brass musician, costume designer, music producer......dancer.  It has all come and gone and she has shown great potential in every bit of it.  A dancer since seven, draws on almost a daily basis, plays in the band but has self taught many instruments including the piano and violin, she paints everything and (most recently) has been designing clothes unlike anything I have ever seen but they are classy.

What will she be?  Well, I am certain that her talents will get her through college with little or no cost.  That is a great thing.  Therefore, the sky is the limit!  We have never crushed that spirit in her and if you see my family and I out and about, the tall girl tapping in her tennis shoes, that is our bohemian artist.  I love her.  Yea, she is a GREAT football player too.  Like I always say, more talent in one fingernail than most in their whole bodies.  Ok, so I am bragging. But who wouldn't.

The point is, if you see that something puts that spark in your child's eye, no matter how nerve wracking (tap, tap, tappity tap, get the milk, tap) it is, encourage it.  It is only in those circumstances that your child will bloom and grow and have that great life that you envisioned for them.  Yes, tough love, and discipline still. Make sure the grades are good.  Take away the phone for misbehaviour, but let the spark continue.  Many great people were made from one spark.

Let yours explode and make you proud.  Then, when they get on TV or are interviewed, they can look at the camera and go..............................HI MOM! :)