I found a scale in the ladies locker room at the rec center and have used it from time to time. Back story to this one is simple. My mother ALWAYS (and still does) had a scale in the house and it was a source of resentment for me because I have never been comfortable in my own skin. However, I will randomly check my weight when I visit mom or they have ones to sample at the store. In this case, it was the one at the recreation center. Now I have had "conversations" with this one because I think the calibration is off. It sticks and if you push it a few times it will stop that. However, I think it lies when it does work properly. This is one of the scales they use at the doctors office. You know, with the sliding weights on the 2 bars.
Ever since our youngest was born, I have hovered around 200. I am miserable with that. We also decided no more kiddos after that last one and I was concerned I would end up like my mother and her sisters if I did make that decision and so far, I have been right.
However, I did try to remedy that and try different things over the past seven or eight years to get below that 200. 8 months as a vegetarian and no change, Sticking with an exercise regimen at least six months with no results on at least three occasions! 1000 calorie diet for 2 months and got nowhere but starving. Counting calories, watching what I eat, Less bread, less sugar, less fat, less processed foods. Removing soda from my diet. More water. All the while, I am creeping up the scale.
Last night that damn scale told me 211.
I think it lied to me because of the fact that it is possibly not calibrated. However, it still makes me feel like shit. I am now seriously considering surgery to fix this behemoth stomach I have because that is the area that I have the most issue with. I also note that the "bigger" I get, the worse I feel. I just want to give up. I am certain that if I do, it will get worse. I have also considered having my thyroid checked and other things because there are family members I have with that issue. I am just scared to death they will find something that will cause me to be on medication that I cannot afford for the rest of my life. You know me, I HATE taking meds. Its like pulling teeth to take an aspirin for a headache.
I don't normally blog about these things but I am looking for some feedback that is outside of my family to see what other options there are to consider. There are things that I am still set against. I don't want to do banding because there are things that I will have to cut out completely that I still would like to enjoy from time to time. Starving myself wont work either and I don't have the time to workout 3 hours a day every single day for the next year.
Be realistic please. I want honest feedback.
What do YOU think?
