Leadership Posting number 1

I write several blogs among other things. I like to think that I am right up there with my favorite author Stephen King, with the fifty or so pages every day. I am published and am currently working on book number 2. I write for here and WordPress. I write letters to my children (for their own stories) all the time and I have a paper due for Doctorate studies each week. I have social media as well. Finally, I have a blog for work that I have started over the past year.


The following is a new feature in my work blog. Leadership posts. It is based upon the idea that good leaders have specific traits and I want to share these traits with people. Even if the reader is not interested in being a leader and wants to remain amongst the sheeple, that is ok. This will still help make you a better human being. Certainly true if you deal with the public at all.


Here it is:


One of the most redeeming qualities I have found in the leaders that have the most effective teams is that the know how to listen and can listen well. This is something that can roll over into making a customer happy. Sometimes an angry customer just wants to vent and it is most effective at someone who will LISTEN.  While you do not have to agree with them, a  great deal of supervisor calls are resolved by just listening to the frustrations of the customer. Their issue may not get any further than what the agent has already done, but the listening part is key to get them to calm down most of the time. 

(Back story because I always have one....I came across the below information cleaning out my briefcase that I found in the attic last night. For those of you who don't know me, I was a paralegal and have a PhD in Law. Yes, I like to argue. That is why I had this paper in my briefcase because listening was something that was vital when it came to flushing out the real issues in the legal field.) While I scanned it and posted a pic of the document below, I will write it out for you so that you can read it clearly as some of it is fuzzy. Yes, there is a spill. Disregard that, stupid attic weather....

HOW TO BECOME A BETTER LISTENER

1. STOP TALKING: You can't listen while you are talking. 

2. ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME: Don't try to engage in two conversations at once. You may hear two people at one time, but you can't effectively listen to two conversations at once. 

3. EMPATHIZE WITH THE PERSON SPEAKING: Try to put yourself in their place so that you can see what the speaker is trying to get at...YES, this is not as easy as it sounds but a restatement of what you've heard or an appropriate question will often uncover areas of miscommuncation.

4. ASK QUESTIONS:  That's right, we did just mention asking questions. But it's so important it bears restating. When you don't understand or when you need further clarification, ask questions. Don't ask questions that are a form of a statement about how smart you are on a subject. If you have information to offer, make a statement. 

5. DON'T INTERRUPT: Don't interrupt when someone else is speaking. Give the speaker time to say what they have to say. THEN, and not before, ask you questions or take issue with what the speaker has said. MIND HOW YOU TAKE ISSUE WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S STATEMENTS.

6. SHOW INTEREST: Look at the speaker - Their face, mouth, eyes, and hands. All these things will help the speaker communicate with you, and this effort will help you concentrate. Eye contact is significant. 

7. CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS BEING SAID: Actively focus your attention on the speaker's words, ideas, and feelings related to the subject. If you are in doubt as to the subject, a question is in order.
 
8. DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS: When you do, you tune yourself out from the rest of what the speaker has to say. You may tend to think to yourself, "Hurry up and finish because I've got your point." or by rudely interrupting and saying, "Yes, yes. I know what you mean. What else is new?" By doing either, you run the risk of misunderstanding the entire conversation because of a premature conclusion you drew. Yes, there are some people who drone on and on. At the appropriate break or pause, ask if you've got the gist or point by summarizing what you've heard. This is a polite way to test the point. 

9. CONTROL YOUR ANGER: Try not to get angry with what they are saying. Your anger will most likely prevent you from understanding what is really being said. Plus, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS!
10. REACT TO IDEAS, NOT TO THE SPEAKER: Don't allow your reactions to the speaker to influence your interpretation of what is being said. Their ideas may be good even if you don't like them as a person or like the way the look or speak or move. 

11. LISTEN FOR WHAT IS NOT SAID: Sometimes you can learn just as much by determining what the other person leaves out or avoids saying as you can by listening to what is actually being said. Pay attention to how it is being said, also. 

12. SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMUNICATION: Only part of the responsibility for effective communication rest with the speaker. You as the listener, have an obligation to actively listen to what is being communicated and ask questions when you do not understand. 

If you make note of the above tips and put them into action, your are on your way to becoming an effective leader. Even if leadership is not in your future, it still goes a long way to use some of these to listen to our customers. After all. They ARE the reason we are here!

What do YOU think?

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I wrote a book and finally had it published! I am soooo excited!


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The Dollar as the Ball to My Chain.

I seen a picture on a friends Facebook wall a moment ago. It was an innocent picture of the back of a one dollar bill. However, there, someone took a sharpie and wrote upon it:

"I am only a piece of paper, yet I control your life."

Hmm. That is food for thought. (No, don't eat the dollar, it still buys a CAN of soda from the vending machine at Food Lion.) Yea, here I sit at a crossroads while I see that. Do I still look at the job boards daily, send out countless virtual resumes to HR departments that dismiss them as mediocre or overqualified or underqualified or for whatever reason? Do I keep looking for that golden opportunity when the truth of the matter is that money is the number one reason to accept a job anymore?

I remember as a kid, people spent 20-30 years at a career and never bounced from place to place because the "at will" laws were not as well known as they are today. It seems like such a tiresome dilemma. Companies want to pay as little as possible for qualified (or warm bodies) people to fill positions that people are looking for the highest pay they can get. What is the fallacy there? What happened to the best qualified gets the job and it is based upon ones experience and qualifications. There are no such things as careers anymore as people graduate from college under crushing debt with the hopes of getting the ONE job of their dreams that countless others are competing for. No one I know can be so lucky. Those people are only on TV or they know someone very influential that owes them a favor or two from back in the day.

That dollar is what motivates me to surf job boards not only for myself but for those I know who are in the same boat I was in when I got laid off. It hurts and it is about as dry and as fun as car shopping and I LOATHE car shopping. Nothing makes my stomach curl more than a car salesman (other than a shitty supervisor that makes me HATE a job I once loved....at......the......newspaper.) Ok, minor digression <----over p="" there.="">
The dollar controls us all in this awful economy. You can blame it on the government, you can blame it on the job market, stock market, foreigners, corporations, whatever. What it boils down to is outright greed. Remember the 30's when there was the "Great Depression" and countless so called rich people jumped out of windows to their deaths because they lost everything they owned. They didnt lose everything they owned? You cannot buy your own life nor can you buy your family and there is always this thing called starting over. Done that before. While it is not easy, it is a great learning experience that many people would rather not learn.

I witnessed that with a dear loved one that ended up being the Cracken of the human race. She married poor and became the queen of her own little world and when that magic carpet was snatched from under her, she blamed everyone around her. Including her children. Yes, I know that hurt and karma is a blitch and starting over sucks. However, if you play your cards right and not hurt those closest to you along the way, starting over can be an experience that will mold and shape who you are. However, that dollar bill has its grips around her. Quite possibly around her neck and will not let go. Yet, she is family and she has nothing else to hold on to. I just hope that she turns around one day and realizes that it is a learning experience and to pick up the pieces and make for the better. Nobody wants to be alone like that. We do not talk anymore because we are on opposite sides of the field but she is family and I do still care for her. (No, no sarcasm here folks. I am certain she will see this and rage and see blood run down the walls of her home. However, I cannot feed off that as I need to deal with my own and continue on. I will leave that to a greater power and let it be taken care of that way.)

Nobody should have to have an outlook on life that makes them hate every thing in life and depend wholly on the money in this world. When the world was created, it wasnt about money. What happened to it takes a village? What happened to the fact that status does not matter and that how we treat each other does? Sure, there is a cost to living in this world. But it is not the end to a means.

Rich people everywhere should take that into their inventory and reflect upon that when they have a minute free of their greed. Sure, it would be nice to win the lottery and take care of all the bills that I have and not have to worry where my next bit of grocery money is coming from. It would be nice to live in a Scarlet Ohara mansion and not live check to check. So, with that little dollar mentioned before, it is the ball to the chain that is on each and every one of us. Even our children. Some have 500 dollar bills (yes, they still exist) and some have dollars. Just depends on where you are in life.

Think about it. What denomiation is your dollar at the end of your chain?

Haters be hatin....for what?

Everyone has their own talents and life. Why should someone be so jealous of you that they have to gawk and stare at you everytime you are in the same vicinity?  If you are so miserable in your own life, then, why not change it?  Is that not the entire reason for change? To make things better?  That is what I was thinking.  Things are not meant to come to someone easy.  If you see a person that is in the place in THEIR life where YOU want to be, then, why not make a change and get there yourself?  Apparently, they have worked hard to get where they are and it is not up to karma to hand that to you with a silver platter. Life does not work that way, folks.

With that being said, I must confess, that I do not practice that mantra because I see people all the time that are in a place in life that I would rather be than where I am at. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with my marriage or house or anything like that. It is little things that I am "hatin" on. Skinny blitches make me mad. However, I do not want to put that much work into getting there because where I am took many lazy days and chocolate days and years of not eating right. Why should I put all THAT hard work to waste just to go back to like I was when I was 17? (Joke folks, Bazinga!) I also want to be making a whole lot more money than I am making now. The way to get there? Work for it! Scratch and claw your way to get there or it is not going to happen. Ayup, I have people I am insanely jealous of because they make easy money. However, they did not get there just by happenstance.  They worked to get there. Do the work girl! Do the work.

Now, I also see kids that are about 12 or 13 that seem to think that the world owes them because they have had parents that divorced and they have learned the "poor me" routine and it has become so ingrained in their personality that they truly believe that everyone they come in contact with is going to dump money and opportunity in their lap. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Well, if it does, it will be short lived because people will see through that ruse and walk away from that.

Many folks love to have drama in their lives and will be miserable no matter what. Others will work hard at the wrong things and get nowhere and others will make really big mistakes in their lives and end up paying for them for the rest of their lives. There is no way around that. So, you take that learning experience and use that as a hint to take a different path because some ungodly sized tree has fallen in your way and you must move on.

While at times, it may not be the way you want to go, work with what you have and do everything you can to make the best or better of it.

Wow, I certainly wish I could take my own advice and run with it. But who wants to run on the treadmill three hours a day and work out all day long to get to the skinny blitch part (while I am not working I should do that.) Yup, I am going to be mediocre until something in me snaps and wakes up.

Ya, haters be hatin, but so am I....it is just easier that way. That is why!