Day 20: Alarming. Isn't it?

About a month ago, my husband happily got a new phone. It is always fun to explore the phone setting and see what ring tones and alarms it has. While you can download ringtones and noises to suit your personality, getting a new phone is "like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get." (credit Forrest Gump, of course!) This particular phone makes me want to shoot the world when the alarm goes off. 

Let us take a step back for a moment. I used to have a lovely "Good morning! Bing Bing Bing. Good morning!" song on my phone. While it was grating, it was not terribly annoying or shake you out of sleep type of thing. It was just bad enough to make you want to get up and at least move around. That is the point of an alarm clock isn't it? To get your azz out of bed to start the day? My Cal hated that alarm. I believe I now know why.

In anticipation of doing the sheeple thing, by that I mean, waking up on time or even a little earlier so I do not have to rush to get everyone ready for the day, I set two alarms. One that is not so annoying and then the real one thirtyish minutes later. It is during that second alarm that my Cal's phone goes off. That alarm of his sounds like some catholic boys choir has suddenly caught the holy ghost and they are really flippin happy about it. It also sounds like they are conveying to you that the train is awake and is chugging happily away down the track, in open space, at full speed. "Goooood morning! Good morning! OH. OH! Good morning! Good good good morning! OH! OH!"  It starts right up in the middle of the happy crappy and will make you stand straight up from a horizontal position. I sleep pretty hard sometimes but that damn alarm does it every stinking time. To make matters worse, Now that I have been jarred awake, I look at my dear soul mate and he is just laying there....snoring away....like nothing has happened. 

That makes me want to shoot up the moon too. (Speaking of that, how in the heck can I do that. Really. The moon is made of cheese and full of holes already. Wait. Maybe someone already did that for me long ago. Poo, taking the fun out of being grumpy absolute first thing in the morning. Grr. Grumpier already and coffee is not even made. I digress.) I am already standing up and now have to look for his phone because he obviously is NOT going to turn that damn choir off. I got it babe. I find it. After much consideration, I turn it off. The phone lives to see yet another day. 

In the fashion of my peeples, I will do the same again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. At least every day after that until the phone dies a mysterious death. We won't talk about that right now. It will never accidentally die on purpose maliciously, will it? Never.

Off to get coffee. At least it is quiet. (Oooh! Imagine if I made coffee with red bull instead of water? THEN turn that alarm on. I bet I could SEE the choir then!  **Micaa shudders**)

What do YOU think?

Coffee makes the world better.

For those of you who know me, even minutely, know that me and coffee have to be like peas in a pod or the world is NOT happy.  Sadly, 3 days before payday, I RAN OUT!  I scrambled up enough change to get Mt. Dew for the first day and that was ok. I survived and did not kill anyone and it was a great substitute….for that one day. The second day, I had about an inch left of the Mt. Dew (Yes, I went through almost the whole 1.5 litre the day before!) and I tried to save that until I absolutely needed it. By then it was flat and flat sodas are nasty. I still choked it down.

Enter random daily text messages from dear Hubby.

**Snort** **Growl** **Bite** **Draw Blood** All the while I am at WORK and you know that at work, Micaa has to play nice because she talks on the phone for a living! Yes, it was a near impossible feat but I survived it and no, there are no pending criminal charges.  So, work was ok. People tore my nerves to kingdom come but I didn’t curse anyone out and we were relatively busy so I didn’t have time to contemplate destroying the universe due to lack of caffeine.  This, I tell you, is a great service my job provided to the world!   (Yes, I digressed, here we go.) I was very snappy in my text messages to my love. I had to take a break and go tell him. “Look, sorry I am not being very nice. I have no coffee. No creamer. AND no soda! So yes, I am grouchy.” I did not want to alarm the children so I had walked out of my office and directly to dear Hubby and whispered that in his ear.

Know what he did? He started to belly laugh. The more I tried to explain my terrible attitude, the more he laughed. I gave him that joy. He needed a good laugh and he sure got it. He did tell me “WHY didn’t you tell me!!! I have a coupla bucks!  I could have brought you a soda when I came in from work this morning! You surely didn’t have to suffer like that!” (-.-)  ß THAT was my reply.

When I got off work, we went and purchased coffee and creamer yesterday. J

I got a BIG can so I won’t have this problem EVER EVER again.

Fast forward to 3 a.m. this morning.

Per my usual routine, I go to make my beloved coffee (after brushing my teeth of course…you NEVER want to smell your morning breath before coffee. Blech!) and I got the filter cup….opened the cabinet…pulled the lid off the can… and OH…..MY…..GAWD…..the smell of pure heaven!  I inhaled the scent ever so deeply and announced to the dark kitchen (yes, only the light of the fish tank illuminated my surroundings) “That smells soooo good! I just want to stick my face in it!!!” Happily, I went on about my day. When it was finally done brewing, that first sip was like nothing else! I. feel. So. Much. Better!

Later in the morning, I told our daughter what I said. She looked at me like O.o.  “Did you have your usual little can? You can’t stick your face in the little can mom.”  To which my giddy reply “No my dear, I had the big can so I honestly could have stuck my face in it if I wanted to!”  Here comes the peanut gallery filled with dear Hubbys’ voice “Oh yes! I could see mommy sticking her face into the can eating coffee grounds. Imagine it daughter! Bwahahahaha!”

There you go, everyone got a great laugh at my pain and suffering. However family, you DO sleep when I get up as I get up during the time the rest of the world calls “ungodly.”  Remember that when you go to bed tonight and beware!!!!

You all will sleep sometime…..when you wake…I will be caffeinated and IN YOUR FACE!  You will hate me so much but you think about that when you laugh at my uncaffinated state next time. Mmmmkay?

What do YOU think?

I give you my Awesomeness!

Alas, it is Mothers’ Day. That special day where we celebrate all that is mom and let her know that, even though we act like we hate everything you say, you are STILL Mom and we love you!


I had to work today. Of course, I  was up before everyone else in the house so no fabled breakfast in bed for me. I think that is why they keep you in the hospital at least overnight when you give birth. This way, you get at least one time in your life that, as a mother, you can have breakfast in bed! For me the best one out of our brood was the last one. I was lucky enough to find a channel that played “Castaway” with Tom Hanks about a million times before I left the hospital. I actually watched it while eating breakfast. Good times. Gooooood times! Ok, well maybe reflecting on giving birth is not the best “good time” that anyone can think of but it is a pretty awesome experience.  Ok, so on to my Mothers Day story for the post…


This morning, my lovely daughter came into my office to wish me a Happy Mothers Day. I asked her “What did you get me?”  Mind you, she IS a teenager and teenagers get up to some persnickety stuff sometimes. She just grinned really big at me, turned her back to me and then said:


“The only thing I got you was my AWESOMENESS.” As if that was well deserved.


Well, guess what? I accept that. She is Awesome. She has more talent in one fingernail than any kid I know for miles around! If Awesomeness is all she has to give me well then, I am going to BATHE in it! She has already been up (going against her character) and soaked the dishes and helped out with her brothers. All without asking and I have not had to mute my headset and scream like a banshee through the wall to get her to tell them to stop fighting.


All in all, good Mothers Day so far.  Now, because I don’t normally take a lunch on Sunday’s, lets see how hard it is for her to come and get the coffee and reheat it. It got cold while I was telling you my story. Ugh. I need a coffee warmer in my office.


/micaa yells….DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!! I NEED MY COFFEEEEE HEATEDDDDD!!!!!!
Heard through the wall:  UGHHHH!!!!! **Stomp Stomp Stomp..(yes, they are womens 13s!) Typical Day in the Miles household.
What do YOU think?

My name is Michele and I am a flavor hog...or a serial killer?

My name is Micaa and I am a flavor hog.

I had an epiphany yesterday while scraping the bottom of my spinach dip jar. (It was frustrating enough having spinach dip for chips and all I had was crackers.)  I realized that I had sat down and ate the entire jar in one  and a half sittings. O MY GAWD! What a pig! But the stuff tastes SOOOO GOOOODDDD!!!!!

I sat there and thought about that for a minute.  I had to swear off Chocolate Jiff because I could finish a jar of THAT in a day too.  I also have to stay away from making uber creamy mac  and cheese because I will eat the whole box. Hrmm….There is a pattern going on here.

Ok. Ok. I admit it. I LOVE flavor! If it tastes good, I am going to eat it even when I am not hungry. If boredom is hanging with me, I may even eat more. No wonder my vain attempts at meeting the elusive “130” have failed miserably. What do I do? It would be a horrid experience eating all stuff that has NO flavor. Ick. But I bet I can lose a lot of weight that way. I could also get rid of a lot of stress in my life becoming a career serial killer but maybe I wont do that. Wait, if I totally eliminate flavor out of my life, will I become a serial killer? Maybe not. I didn’t when I quit smoking. I know! I should try to eliminate caffeine and see if I can do it. If so, then I will resume caffeine and quit flavor. No….that won’t work. Then I have to fight the urge to blow up the planet. I will have to steal Marvin Martians Q-36 modulator first. Aw dangit! Then I won’t be able to blow up the planet because the house is on a slab and there is no way to move it away. Too expensive anyway. Grrrr. What am I supposed to do!

I certainly do not have the time to jump on tready for three hours every day.  While that may be an option, it would only work if I could study while I am on tready. Yea, not really, I get stressed out on that thing! Really! The kids pick on me and they run behind me making me nervous that I am going to kick them. Not that I would want to kick them but when they poke fun at me an tready having our time together, I would like to but then, that is mean and I am not mean. Not to my family anyway. Well, the close ones.

Too bad mean will not let me lose weight. I would just be mean for a month, lose a butt ton (yes, that is an accurate measurement and it is a real one! Bing it!) of weight and then return to being nice again. Ah, but then that is circular huh? Eliminating flavor from my life would make me mean and I would lose a butt ton of weight (have you looked it up yet?) and then I could just leave flavor out once I know I can live without and just try being nice again. Well, we all know boss is nice when she is work. However, flavor hog aint nice…like boss! (There it is! The digression! Now, go watch the movie Life! Haha.)

What do YOU think?

I did it! I am now published! Check it out!

I wrote a book and finally had it published! I am soooo excited!


Check it out.


facebook.com/MicaaMilesAuthor (Please like my page if you have a Facebook.)   :)


You can also find "WAH Professionals" by Micaa Miles on Amazon, Kindle, and create space stores.
It is also available on Amazon UK!


Here is a link:


http://www.amazon.com/WAH-Professionals-Micaa-M-Miles/dp/1494828685/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396800654&sr=8-1&keywords=wah+professionals

My Hot Beverage Part Deux

Those of you who are my dear readers know my affinity for coffee first thing in the morning. I made a discovery regarding my morning ritual. 

I have discovered that while I am a morning person, I am not so much without the warm mug I carry through the house as I get my morning routine going.  This morning, I thought it would be nice to do my morning chores (feed the dog, chickens, fish, scrub the dishes left from the midnight marauders, sweep out the barn, etc.) WITHOUT my tasty hot beverage.  The whole intent there, was to enjoy the coffee while I was sitting at my desk ranting about other things that I have had bouncing around in my head for a couple of days. (Sorry, this is a digression I don't want to take right now because it will go off on a tangent I am not ready for yet.) Boy was that a big mistake. I even reached the point where I forewarned my dear Calvin that I would bite as I had not had coffee yet.  What a brave man he is, however, he still approached me with a warm hug and kisses even though his life was in danger.  This is why I married him! (Ok, there is the digression! Hehe.)

Point being, my discovery is that I am NOT a morning person at all. Well, without coffee I am not one. I am a vicious, snarling, black widow who has been backed into a corner and is ready to strike when you get too close. In reflection, I was not very nice this morning. However, I have calmed a great deal as I have to reheat the second portion of my preferred hot beverage.  Yes, reheat.  Go ahead and get the ews and yucks out of the way. Part of my coffee routine.  I do the same to those of you with the foam and the double mocha lattee with just a splash of some other black oily substance.  I get about as fancy as putting flavored cream in mine and call it a day. Yea, I have tried that other crap but to tell you the truth, why am I going to get up, get dressed, fight the stupid drivers, stand in a long line and spend eight dollars on a cup of coffee that is truly crap once it becomes cold. Those things are not reheatable and I can take my eight dollars and drink coffee for the whole damn month and never have to deal with stupid people before I even get my caffiene injection in the morning. 

Yea, yea, it is trendy to put a second mortgage on your house to visit your favorite barista first thing in the morning. Go be trendy.  When my house is paid for, and your doctor tells you no more caffiene, you will think again about that 8 dollar mug of YOUR steamy goodness in a different light huh?  By that time, I will be paying only taxes and insurance on my home and sitting on my porch relatively stress free with my preferred hot beverage (likely decaffinated....**shudder**) watching the grand children play in front of the house smiling. I will be retired and you will still be trudging away AND, likely still at the local coffee shop every morning.

Ah yes, me and my tasty hot beverage. Friends for LIFE!

What do YOU think?

I love my hot beverage.

Every morning, without fail, I wake up and am unable to officially start my day without my first hot beverage. Coffee. Similar to many people in this world, coffe is a staple in my home and life is simply not plesant with out it. I absolutely love it with my 8T of french vanilla, irish cream, or caramel creamer. (Preferenced in listed order.) After the first sip, I can face the world and life is good. **Excuse me while I go put my fathers "tea pot" on with some water to boil.** Now, I have come to the conclusion that life is just as good ending the day with a different hot beverage. I prefer hot chocolate. In the past, I was not hip to hot chocolate in the winter. While I enjoyed them then, I prefer to have a cup o' cocoa on a nice summer evening as a perfect end to a summer day. While most people have tea or a drink, I prefer the old stand by. I have discovered that it has become more of a habit this summer and it is a great way to relax for the evening. I love it almost as much as I love my morning coffee, actually. I guess it was a given since I don't mind my sodas warm and can drink on a 20 oz soda for the better part of my work day. Normally that starts out ice cold, right out of the cabinator, it is not necessary for it to remain ice cold. Are there benefits to drinking hot beverages? I would certainly like to think so. However, I put enough fattening junk in mine to warrant any healthy promotion off of such a waste of time. If I am out of creamer (or marshmallows) I will simply have my beverages just as they were conceived for. Plain, and black. I have even become accostomed to having my cocoa made with plain water. While the watery variety of even the top shelf cocoa varieties is less than brain sparkly, it will suffice just the same. I guess you can say it is the experience. (Yes, you can say the morning is more of necessity but the evening is truly the experience.) Conversely, I prefer my water to be ICE cold. I find water that is anything warmer than just below freezing to be absolutely awful. Not sure where that came from. I am VERY picky about where my ice comes from. So picky, in fact, that I refuse to take ice in my drinks at any restauraunt or fast food establishment. There is a story behind that. Let me explain. My first job that was working for corporate America was in one of the more popular fast food chains of the time. It was with in walking distance of my home and it was the perfect job. I was used to working for family and was exposed to so much more of what the very fabric of this country was made up of in the REAL working world. During my first few months of working at this wonderful establishment (at $4.25 an hours, seriously! A servers wage by today's standards,) I noted that the icebin that normally hangs on the side of the ice machine had a slanted flat bottom and would stand on its own were it left on the floor. (UCK!) One day, during a particularly busy Saturday afternoon, I noted that the ice bin was not hanging on the side of the ice machine but, on the floor. I then watched a co worker (who had worked there for at least 2 years) pick up the ice bin, scoop it into the ice and then proceed to walk it to the front counter and fill the ice pockets at the cash registers. Absolutely beside myself, I then looked at the floor which was slimy with grime and stamped gook from the grill area. I about croaked! I vowed from then on NEVER to get ice from a restauraunt. If I "accidentally" get ice, I will refuse it and make the person fix me another in a different cup. Mind you, I worked in food service and I know some things. If you allow the person to take the cup back, they will dump it out in the drain and use the same cup to fix your beverage with no ice. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Ah, but I digress.... Back to my hot beverage. I now hear the water boiling happy in the tea pot. In reality that is simply a small sauce pan. Nothing bigger than to hold a standard can of green beans. Just small enough for an amount of water for an evening beverage. As I sit here and watch the steam come out the rim of my mug, my mouth anticipates the hot chocolatey goodness it contains. I fancy grabbing my mug, my King novel, and a blanket. I will curl up on the couch and wrap up another day. All with my hot beverage. Yes it is made with water today and yes, it is truly an experience... What do YOU think?

Somewhere there is a tree working tirelessly....

I was watching House, MD the other day and heard one of his brilliant witicisms (such a word?) and thought I would share. (While it may not be verbatim, you get the point:)
"Somewhere there is a tree, working tirelessly so that you can breathe. You owe that tree an apology."
BRILLIANT! I love the humor that comes from that sarcastic, pill junkie of a doctor. Even if he is only real in TV Land. I know many people who owe trees an apology simply for existing. I wonder how the world would be if we had to each take our own tree through life every day. Much like a shadow, it would be a permenant appendage to our being. What would people do if they knew that if they mistreat the priviledge, their tree would wither and die.
With that, I am sure we would be able to see what kind of people we would be dealing with in advance of actually meeting them, eh? Yea, lets skip the fact that humans are humans and some will have miracle grow or some such crap in their pockets to make their tree look better than what it really is. No, I mean that it is a true measure of the nature of the human that has to maintain it. I know many of you could even look out your front door and count how many would have a pitiful thing for a tree. What makes this proposal more intriguing is that, the worse you are as a person, the harder it will be for you to breathe. Therefore, you must treat people nice and respectfully or you will die with said tree.
Does this lead to less crime, betrayal, and quite possibly a utopian society? Not so sure because as mentioned earlier, miracle grow or similar will play a role as humans are highly intelligent individuals and will find some way to cheat that which is natural. I mean, we have already cloned ourselves, right?
All aside, just remember, trees are bringers of life and death. (Do you ever see something grow in the constant shadow of a tree? ONLY if there is one ray of sunshine there.) They do not discriminate nor do they wage war upon one another. They plant roots and have a constant presence and do not bounce around from place to place. They have communities and take care of this planet. They are not harbringers of destruction, chaos, and violence like it is in the nature of human.
Remember, the next time you choose to bring evil to someone by your actions or words. Make sure that there are no trees out there that you owe an apology to. Right now we are so busy apologizing to these trees for the acts of others we forget the one that our own shadow needs to get a break from the blazing sun sometimes. Don't let yours wither. Give it life and let it grow....

Coffee Apocalypse

Ever wonder what the world would be like if there were suddenly no coffee anywhere? I shudder.....
Personally, I would go through withdrawal. Likely near what you see in the movies when the junkie goes into rehab. I used to do that to myself (Why?) before we bought our home and I have no explanation for my behaviour.
Lets talk about what I went through. Some background before I begin. I would only do it when we would move to a new rental place. Things like that happen when you seem to choose every landlord that wants to jack up the rent to an unreasonable fee after living there for a year and you are good tenants. At any rate, I would even go so far as to personally pack the coffee maker in my car and it is the last thing out and the first thing set up. I would still torture myself by going a week without the liquid gold of a hot caffinated beverage every morning for that week. I never plan it that way, it just happened. I guess I was too busy with the move to make coffee or notice I was not drinking it. Toward the end of the week, I would become grumpy and have a blistering headache. (Yea, headaches don't blister, that is just the best explanation of how it felt.)
Had I went further than that, I likely would have had the shakes and everything else that came with not quenching my mind with the one thing that makes me enjoy mornings more than I normally do. But let me tell you, that FIRST cup after an incarceration in reality is like unicorns, rainbows, and glitter, all while winning the superbowl for the first time.
It was the best cup of coffee ever! Well, at least for the moment then I would pick back up with my wonderful vice like I never missed it.
Ok, back to the rant. No coffee, disappeared, poof, gone. Know what? I am certain that if there were a Zombie apocalypse at the same time, they would NOT have a chance. You just send the caffiene deprived hot beverage drinkers out (without weapons even!) and they would tear the heads off them blitches in no time flat! Hehehe.
I am certain there would be anarchy and chaos and there will be a lot of people in the hospital believing they are afflicted with some sort of illness due to the fact that they had to give it up cold turkey and South America would be invaded with millions of people looking for the last coffee bean so they can be the hero like in the book the Lorax.
Surely society would fall and there would be a loss of power and people would instill their own martial law and there would be no need for politicians to discuss gun control because they would all be hunkered down under their desks with their own AK 47's and AR 15's ready to shoot at the first noise they hear. Nervous? You have never seen nervous like someone WITHOUT their caffiene. I am positive that it will also be a time where things such as speed and other amphetemines (sp?) consumption would skyrocket for those lucky enough to get hold of some to quell their inner coffee drinker. People would truly be different folks.
Crime would go up, murders, gun violence, assault, battery, and there would be quite a bit more conspiracy theorists. Why did I add that last one? Well, those of us who are seasoned enough coffee drinkers do not think clearly about things before caffiene. They think about noises, and absently hear the news and it gets us to thinking things that may or may not be true. Heard the news this morning about the Batman bringing in the bankrobber? Yea, Batman is real, therefore it must be true, how nice of him to pay our neighborhood a visit. Had the coffee drinker had their coffee, they would look at the TV with their jaw agape and go "How STUPID is that! Trying to do that for attention is all." Yes, folks, CLARITY.
What are your thoughts on the Coffee apocalypse? (Also, open to suggestions for more rants, fill up the page please!)