Trees have boo boos too!

Ever since I was a little girl, I would imagine what it must be like to be a tree in "these modern times." I was taught in elementary school that trees were living things just like humans or animals and that they should be treated with respect and not to hurt them. Plants too for that matter. I was also taught that if you were lost in the woods and became cold that you could hug a tree and it would provide you with a little warmth as it was alive and produced heat of its own. While I am not sure about that, when you are freezing even the most ridiculous would be worth a try, I'm sure.

Ok, back to being a tree. Every once in a while I look around and take note of all of the things that are made of wood around me. I am even more aware when we are in a park or something. There are houses, benches, wood piles (for fire of course,) and even the handles of some of your tools. If trees had eyes... 

Here I am a stately oak tree and I look around and it must be like a cow hanging out in a meat freezer. I see all of these things made from the flesh of my comrades and they are all put on display like some trophy or prize. How sickening it must be. Those humans will cut down a tree, make a bench and think it pretty to put it at my roots?! What do I want to look at one of my murdered own for? Their priorities must be skewed. What would they think if I were to hang one of them amongst my branches like a piece of jewelry. Of course that will not do.

I know it sounds kind of off but imagine what it must be like to be a tree today. I know they do not have eyes or emotions but, if they did. Imagine how they must feel. 

Yea, yea, I do think about odd stuff sometimes, but who doesn't. I am just a little more out in the open about my thoughts. Look at the picture below. This tree was hit by my son's pedal car a couple of days before this picture was taken. Yes, it was at full speed. By that I mean as fast as my five year old could pedal it and WHAM! right into the tree. (Gosh forbid he mess up the fence, right?) See, the tree 'bled.' It got a boo boo. A rather large one I may add. Poor tree. As humans, we take things for granted and the natural resources that are left on this planet should be allowed to grow and replenish and we should not be so wasteful. It is not like there are vast other worlds where we can go and consume them into nothing. This is the only planet we have got. 

Lets love our mother earth, she provides for us and we should respect her enough to take care of the things she gives us to survive. 

My blurb for the day, just wanted to let you know what I was thinking. 

The Marshmallow Test

I recently seen a thing on TV where they took a group of 3 year olds and gave them a marshmallow and told themt hey had to hold it but wait to eat it. Those that did wait about 15 minutes or so were rewarded with a second marshmallow and they could then eat them both.  Those that didnt wait only got the one.  Simple enough.  They they followed these children through out their lives and into their early 20's or so.

They found that those that could accept delayed gratification were less streesed and better off in their lives than those who did not, overall.

O.o all over a marshmallow? 

Well, not really, it was an experiment related to parenting styles and that the parents that successfully taught delayed gratification to their children were setting them up to take disappointments in life with great stride.  Wow, such a simple thing can teach us wonders.

It makes you really consider how your parenting style affects your children and exactly how much they imitate what they see and how they adjust to life depending on the life lessons we teach them.  I try to teach my children to be survivors and I am guilty of the instant gratification thing. However, I wonder how whiners get away with it. I mean if a child will whine enough, most of the time they get their way and if they catch on to that, watch out. A lot of nerves will be pinched and a lot of teeth will be grinding.

I mean think about it. Children are great at manipulating their parents in some form or fashion. No matter the parenting style.  They are also great at imitating what they see and the stories they hear about "when I was your age."  I have seen it happen all to often that a parent will say to a child:

"Do as I say and not as I do"

Then the child will grow up and be exactly like the parent or even worse and then the parent wonders where they have gone wrong.  I can assure you that if you talked to them a lot along the way, they will file the good things away and reflect upon them when they make their own mistakes.  So long as you have not been abusive, or horrible to them, they still may turn out ok.  They do have to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Even when they are grown you can still talk to them. Still teach them by giving them the marshmallow and delaying the second one to see their response, if they cannot wait to eat the first one before getting the second one, then you have some work to do and we as parents can still work with our children to make them better people even if they are fourty years young.

They are still your children no matter how old they are.

What do you think about the marshmallow test?  See the link below for more information:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2012/10/16/science-marshmallow-test-delayed-gratification/1636207/

Explore with your children. Let them get dirty.

I love a teachable moment with the kiddos. Especially about life lessons and doing things the way they were done without electricity.  I can assure you that, if the world were to go to shit, my children could plant and grow their own food. They could raise farm animals, purify and store their own water and rig up the house to fend off anything short of a nuclear holocaust.  They can shoot and throw and clean with the best of them. 

They can also do their math homework without a calculator and they certainly know how to read.  They also know that if there were no power, they can use their imaginations to play and make their own toys.  We have also discussed how to survive should there be no houses left either.  No, we are no survivalists and there are no "bug out bags" randomly stored throughout the house.  It is nothing like that. What this means is that we are teaching our children the basics of being self sufficient.  They can also make their own cooker out of wood and aluminum foil and other things. Yes, they know all about technology and can fix a computer with the best of them and they have their electronic gadgets and know how to operate a computer and a calculator. We do not prohibit those things, but if there were ever to come a time for survival. I know that our children can survive without assistance or help from a stranger. I know that they can grow up and figure out things on their own.

We let them get dirty and dig holes and let them color and paint with melted crayons.  That is what children do.  They argue and fall down.  That is what baths and band aids are made for.  They are allowed to fix their own disagreements with each other to learn social graces and human skills.

This is all something that many kids do not know.  I cannot tell you how it makes me cringe for a mother to break out the hand sanitizer every time her kid touches something off the ground.  They do not have to get up off the ground at the playground rolling a ball back and forth because it is "dirty."  I am here to tell you if you stop treating them like porcelain dolls, there would be a lot less asthma, allergies, and other things that people spend their whole lives with.  Did you know a vaccination is an injection of the disease it is seeking to prevent you from getting? If you take your children outside on a regular basis and let them get dirty from time to time, they will be a lot less sick in the long run.  They will be exposed to the stuff that gives people asthma and allergies at an early age when there are no issues and they will not become allergic to them simply for a lack of exposure.  It will also give them room to grow because they will run and play and simply be children. 

Each of my children went on an exploration day in the yard with me  when they were crawlers.  I found a nice day, took the baby outside and we explored the REAL world around us.  We lifted our faces and felt the warmth of the sun. We felt the bark on the trees and watched the ants crawl in the cracks.  We felt the grass with our hands and our feet. We felt the warmth of the sidewalk in the sun and the cool of the driveway in the shade.  We twirled a leaf between our grubby little fingers and blew a dandelion weed and watched the seeds. We pointed at squirrels and birds and bugs.  We felt the wind in our hair.  We felt the difference in the feel of the shiny leaves from the trees and the roughness of the rocks in the ground. We let dirt sift through our fingers and felt the running water out of the hose from the side of the house.  We didn't die.  We didn't get sick.  We went inside, washed our hands and went back to playing with our things.  However, the baby learned about the world and learned more than anyone will ever know.  Further, there was a special time only you can share with your child.  For me an mine, it was a day of discovery.  A couple of our children hated the way the grass felt on their feet and one other loved rubbing his feet in it. You learn something about your children.  How their curiosity works as well as discovering things on your own about how they perceive the world.  One of ours shied away from the bugs we were looking at.  This helped me figure out what would give him the willies-he seen a bug and they make him spaz out because he is afraid of bugs. 

I exposed them to the REAL world and I let them get dirty a little bit. That is what children do. It is in their very nature to be curious. They want to play and jump and run and explore.  While it is up to you to keep them safe and be their parent, let them play and jump and run and explore.  Further, explore with them. It is one of the best things you can do. 

What have you done with your child today?

Don't move to the beach. Its a trap.

Living at the beach is not all it is cracked up to be. Sure, if you have lots of money and are in the upper middle class it is a whole lot easier than living amongst the cogs that actually make this place work. For the longest time, I could not understand the idea of someone coming here for a visit and getting left then fully believing they are "stuck" here for no lack of a way home.  You have feet right?  Wrong.  Once you become a cog of the machine, it reels you in, sucks the lifeblood out of you and never lets you go.

Never.

The work is seasonal, you cannot afford anything and you have to work like a slave during the season just to barely scrape by in the off season. Even then, it only works if you can save your money and not let anyone know that you have a nickel to spare.  That leads to the lifetime beachers.  Those that have accepted their fate that they are here for life or those that have spent their entire lives at this beach and have no ambition to see other places or simply leave.  They are like vultures sitting on the side of the valley just waiting for you to drop dead so they can peck your eyes right out of your face.  They move in on you at the slightest twitch of weakness and then they hone in for the kill and suck the lifeblood out of you and then you assimilate and become one of them. Lifeless, bloodsucking, feelingless wretches that do nothing but suck you dry and leave your carcass for the wind to carry it out to sea.

For a long time I loved it here. It was nice to be able to go to the beach whenever you felt like and I love hot summers so this was a great place for me. But then we moved here and I still loved it but it slowly changed for me.

They became the predators and I became the prey.  There were other factors that led to the change however, this is the overpowering cause. My family was happy and we had everything we needed.  While we had not yet purchased a home, we had each other, we got along and there was not any strife among us. Then things began to change. These people are needy.  No, I am not talking about the ones that have things going for themselves.  I am talking about the cogs of this society that have to work for a living and scrape by from check to check.  They look at us 'outsiders' and say, "hmmmm....they have more than me.  We shall change that." And like vampires in the night, they do everything they can to make that happen.  They call at all times of the day and night and expect you to take them all over hell and creation.  This runs up your phone bill (if you are on an allotted minute plan, otherwise, it is just nuisance,) it puts a great deal of wear and tear on your car if you become their taxi service and they want to borrow shit.  ALL THE TIME.  You get promises of gas money and for return of your things and that will never happen.  Then they figure out what your schedule is and do everything they can to interfere with your home life with the incessant ringing of the phone (shut it off, now NOBODY can call you,) dropping by, take me here at 3 am.  Its bullshit and rubbish and needs to stop.

But it doesn't beause you write this person off then the next one does the same thing.  How can people live like that?  Do they not want better?  I have lived many places in my life but never one like this.  They also like to play mean jokes on people but that is for a different day.  Have you ever lived in a place that makes you feel like you have found Rancid Armpit, USA?  Tell me about it....

Sesame street got me to thinking.

 I just sat down and my little desk racking my brain.  I had a severe case of writers block this morning. I had to take the day off because of an ill child. (Not a happy day for my pockets.) I came across a post from a Lawyer I am acquainted with and it made me think a little bit. (Ugh, and I have only had TWO SIPS of coffee.  Ya, I had to turn the fan on from all the smoke.)  At any rate, it is pretty sad that we have to add a new muppet to teach children about how to deal with and talk about incarceration.  Yes, it does rank right up there on the "that sucks" ladder with death and divorce when a child has to deal with a parent being locked up.) 

Viewing that post made me think about a time when I had to teach a group of girl scouts about divorce and being a step parent.  I actually got thrown into that discussion and was caught quite off guard. I had went on a weekend camping trip with out oldest girl and about 60 other third, fourth, and fifth graders.  While I loved to tromp through the woods, many of us were quite worn out by the end of the first day.  We did a scavenger hunt on the grounds of the camping area. When we were all hunknering down in our sleeping bags on the floor of the cabin, I chose a great place where I could sleep up against the door. Strategically chosen so as to be quickly ruffled when an intruder decided to open the door.  Looking back, I guess that was the perfect place for me should I have chosen to bolt when one amazing child decided me to ask a doozy of a life question.

This lovely little girl looked me square and said "How come you are here and her mother isn't? (As she points to our oldest child.)"  O.O  I wanted to run at that point because it did not occur to me that every single child that was in that room had BOTH of their parents still and I was a step mom. As I scanned the room, every single set of eyes was upon me awaiting my response. This included the half dozen other moms that were accompanying their respective children on the trip.  In hindsight, this was one of the first of many obstacles of being a step parent that no body tells you about or mentions when you read the accompanying pamphlets advising you of what you should and should not do.

Being the child that I was, I took this and went with it instead of being mortified.  After my initial shock at such a question, I talked only to the child who had the query but spoke loud enough for every one to hear.  I began to explain to her that sometimes, mommies and daddies are not happy together and that they have to move on or separate and live apart.  I went on to explain that while some mommies and daddies do not live together anymore, they are still mommies and daddies and that they do not love or want their kiddoes any less than before.  It was like story time because everyone remained silent until that one little girl was satisfied with my explanation.   I told of how they make separate lives but still want to include their children and how there are now two houses that most children have.  Kind of like having two rooms and two separate sets of stuff.  I even told her the ones that really have their childrens feelings in their mind all the time, even get along better when they are living apart because they do not want to fight all the time in front of their kids.  Sort of like best friends who are not best friends anymore but just ok friends.  I explained also how important it was in our situation for me and Anessa's mom to get along and that she could not make it cuz she had to work so I was like the "substitute teacher" that everyone likes.

That little girl finally had a lightbulb moment and said "OK! I get it now!  You are still a great mom!  Even if you are not a real one!"  I took that as the best compliment I was going to get because I believed that some of those kids thought me to be an intruder as I may have been perceived to be an intruder of sorts.  Later on, I was told by some of the other moms that I did wonderful with the situation from the night before and how they could not have handled that so eloquently.  PROUD MOMENT!!!! 

So, for those of you who are step parents.  There are moments that only you will have and only you will endure but hold your head up and prosper.  Because it is in those moments that we become stronger and even closer to the children that are ours but they are not.  Each step family has their own challenges but you are still just that: a FAMILY and while I love mine, they are still MINE in my heart!  We may not always get along but we do have our endearing moments and that is when the appreciation for each other shines like no diamond ever can!  I will never trade that weekend for anything in the world.  Anessa and I became closer that weekend and it was a good beginning for us as her father and I had only been together for about a year or so.  We had a blast and each child and both Anessa and I learned something.  It is one of those great step family moments that are few and far between.

I raise my glass to my fellow step parents and children of such. It is a learning process, indeed.  Remember, your kids will even call you Mom sometimes.  While the meaning is different, it endears just the same. :)

Proud moments as a mother.

Not long after we moved to the beach, I had set a cheese board to smoulder on the stove.  Calvin was at work and I was sitting with the oldest son and youngest daughter assisting them with their homework at the dining room table.  It was dinner time. You know mw, Ms. Multi tasker (even at seven months preggo, I was pretty good at it.)  Well, the dining room table was off from the kitchen, sort of in the living room.  It also happened to be about five feet from the back door.
While cooking, I happened to turn the wrong burner on to boil a some water.  Ikept a small, wooden, cheeseboard on the back burner and THAT was the burner I turned on instead.  While we were not in the kitchen, it had a chance to fill our small kitchen up with a great deal of smoke. Then the AC kicked in and smoke just ROLLED out of the kitchen.  Everything else seemed to happen at the same time.  At the instant we noticed the smoke, the smoke detectors went off.  I immediately knew what I had done as I do that chit all the time. So I got up an took two steps toward the kitchen.  My mind was racing and focused on getting that cheeseboard off there and into the sink before it burst into flames. At the same time, I also thought of the kids. I turned around, and CJ was still sitting at the table...totally not knowing what was going on. I am certain he knew exactly what I did.  There was not a fire....YET.  I turn to look for Alyssa and all I see is the back door swinging.
I lean just a little bit to my left and see a tiny face of a five year old, about twenty feet outside the back door trying to get a glimpse of what was going to happen next.  I will take the time to tell you I could not have been more proud of our baby girl in that moment. I immediately took care of the cheeseboard, no fire, just a lot of smoke. Whew!  Then retrieved our daughter and covered her face in smooches and filled her ears with praise.
She had done the right thing.  In hindsight, it was cute and funny because she got the Hell out of Dodge Jack!

Now, lets move forward ten years:

My dear readers know that I am a WAH professional and I work from home.  The other night, I was working and a thunderstorm came through.  Just after I shut down my computer and systems, there was a terribly bright lightening strike as well as horrible thunder.  I heard my kids in the next room scrounging around.

When I finally got everything settled, I walk into the hallway to a pitch black house. What happened next would have been a good scream scene for a horror movie (provided that I screamed, of course.)
The darkness began to speak to me in children's voices. O.o....I held up my phone as I was not near a light switch and seen that my children were all sitting on the couch, in the living room, in the dark.  Well, well, well.  I found out later that Alyssa corralled the children to the couch and turned all the lights off to be safe during the storm.  Another proud moment, I must say.  However, when the ten year old got up to use the bathroom, (I had joined them in the darkness, of course, it was quiet and I was NOT going to pass that up) he turned the light on so he could see.  Here comes Alyssa "All that electricity!!!!"  Hahaha.  Yes, she was being overly cautious, but she was being safe all in the same breath.  Yes, Momma is proud!  Daddy taught her that and she absorbed the safety knowledge well.

I am confident, as a parent that she will be safe and have an emergency plan when it comes to nature bringing forth her rage.  I can only hope that it will spill over into her interactions with people when she goes off to college or begins to have a more colorful, (yikes, and even less structured) social life and as an adult.  We parents spend our entire lives teaching our children to be safe and to be their own person and can only hope that the values we establish for them to mirror are the good ones and that they apply them to their own lives and go on to be productive adults who get to live long, healthy, and happy lives.

This is the direction I believe our daughter is heading in and I could not be more proud.  What proud moments have you had (like these) with your children?

Have you ever had a moment that was potentially catastrophic and hilarious all in the same moment?

Write letters to your children. Often

This morning, I woke to some movie where a group of kids were graduating high school. I imagine it was one of those where they did some epic journey to get there and they have come to the realization that their lives are all about to change. No wonder I was pondering the things I sat on the side of the bed and realized.  As a parent, they were very sobering thoughts.
While I know everything that my children are doing right now, something finally sank in.  In the same year, we have one (our youngest) graduating Kindergarten and another about to start high school.  Still the third is about to transition from the little kid to the big kid and enter the fourth grade.  I have one word for that.
                                                                            WOW.....O.O
Our children really do grow up so fast!  I know that they will always be my babies.  My heart holds that to be a fact but they are becoming their own people.  While this has been quite an eventful year so far (for lack of a better description,)  I cannot help but celebrate their achievements and be their biggest fan.  Even with the oldest two out and doing their thing, they are all still my children and I am still their mother and I could not be more proud.  Love your children folks, no matter how distant you are and no matter what they have done.  They are a reflection of yourself and you should be so proud.
One thing that I have done over the years is I write letters to our children.  No, they don't get them and I am not sure if they will ever read them.  However, if they do, I certainly hope that their love of reading will kick in and it will be the best read ever!  I know, you are all like: Wha?????  What I mean is that I do write them. I write them often and every chance I get.  While this was supposed to be some exclamation on my death bed, I want them to know right now that their life stories will be chronicled through my eyes so be on the look out for that when I go home to live with the angels.  I write these letters and I keep a chapter for each of them.  Sort of my gift to them when they are grown.
I write these and I put them aside.  I want them to know the joys, heartaches, and celebrations I had as having the best job on earth. Being their mother.  No holds barred folks.  Anger, joy, revelation, and simple observation encompass each page and I can only hope that they will even read a few.  I have always believed that the best story is your own. No matter what ups or downs you may have had.  I think it to be the best thing I can leave them. No amount of property or money or bequests can replace what your life story is.  Oh, it is illustrated too. Pictures, school work, write ups, little things from the heart they gave me.  That is the whole purpose of a file cabinet.  Not to hold receipts and important documents but to hold MEMORIES!  I love it when I go through my moms things and she has the little things I have given her over the years.  Especially true as a kid.  For example...She has this treasure chest thing.  She would always let me play with it when she would clean out her jewelry box.  Fond memories there.  Inside it right now is some trinket I gave her as a little girl.  Some years back, some lovely person created this "floam" stuff.  We allowed our daughter to stay the summer with my mother and when we picked her up, that treasure box was covered in  the stuff.  Artfully done, it still has that intrepid junk on it but I look at it and imagine the memory of MY daughter sitting next to her grandmother on the bed as they went through the jewelry box and the treasure chest was given new, colorful life with floam.  Memories are the best. Even a bad day is made better for just a moment by a great memory.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGG, mini digression there. (Pun intended.) It is never too late to write letters to your children.  Even if they are teenagers or grown for that matter. WRITE THEM!  You have so much to say if you are not starting the day they were born!  Most of us do it (in a fashion) anyway if we keep a baby book through age five.  Why stop there?  No, there is no strict schedule.  Just when the moment behooves you to do so.  They can be a half a page, a few sentences, or a mini chapter.  Write them!  Let them know where they are in your golden years and make them promise not to peek until you are their angel watching over them.  It will enable them to remember the good times and to see themselves in a different light. Through their mothers eyes!  Yes!  Nobody sees them quite like their mother.  What a wonderful gift to give your child.
Write them when they are little. Write them when they get married.  Write them when they fell down and got the "biggest boo boo ever."  Write them for no reason.  Write them because you have started when they are adults and you have so many stories to tell.  Write them to say "I love you and I am proud" and nothing more. Anytime will do folks!
I know that many may not even like to write and that is ok.  Leave them something for them to know you were in tune with them no matter how busy you may have been.  Over the years, there are flowers, drawings, simple little what nots that were given to you from the heart and for your children to see them again when they become their own people it something that would bring joy to their hearts.  All of the no's, and groundings, and attitudes will be forgotten and, just for a moment, they will remember what you are...........Mommie! (Dads can do this too, it is not limited.  Just because I am a mother, I am writing to the fellow moms out there.)